- Avoid doing what 99% of the population is doing. If you do the same as normal people, you get normal results.
- Get in the best shape possible, lift weights 3 times per week, eat healthily, get enough sleep, get stronger, et cetera. Wherever your body goes, your mind will follow. If you get in great physical shape, you are more likely to feel better mentality. Health is everything.
- Practice positive habits. I’ll give my example. These are the habits I try my best to stick to every day: I read, write, work out, go for a walk, tidy my house and meditate. You have everything to gain by following these habits and nothing to lose. Swap bad habits for good ones. To become extraordinary, we must win today and try to win every other day for the rest of our lives; if we do, we might become extraordinary. All we can do is the work, and that’s required every day.
- Get up early. Part of winning the day is winning the morning, so getting up early at 6 a.m. is usually best. I’m fully aware that people are on different work shifts, and so am I, so I replace getting up early with getting up several hours before my shift so I can work on myself.
- Read: to become extraordinary, we must determine what extraordinary means. We can only discover this by following our curiosities and becoming more erudite. Reading helps us find out what we want. The more you know, the more you can do, and the more you can do, the more opportunities you have to succeed.
- Read about extraordinary people and associate with exceptional people. By learning about the lives of the extraordinary, we can gain road maps for becoming extraordinary in our own lives. You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with, so if you are friends with exceptional people, there is a good chance you’ll be extraordinary yourself.
Author: Henry Paget
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How To Become Extraordinary (Do What The Extraordinary Do)
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What’s The Best Way To Get Over Someone You Love?
From experience, I’ve noticed that there is an unhealthy and healthy way to get over someone you love.
After my previous relationship ended, I deliberately avoided getting back into another relationship too soon.
And I’m still single.
There’s a reason for this.
If you’re getting into a relationship with someone to mask your feelings of loneliness and rejection, you’re getting with that person for the wrong reasons.
If they are the only reasons you get with someone, the relationship has no legs to stand on and will ultimately end ( and it will probably end badly, as most relationships do).
Instead, after breaking up with someone you love, work on being happy alone again. Then, when you’re ready for a relationship, be very picky about who you choose, only picking compatible potential partners.
I’m talking about partners who have a similar worldview and values to you, who you genuinely get on well with, someone who you’re 100% genuinely in to for their own sake.
My problem was that in my previous relationship, I only got with her because my ex before her broke up with me, and I felt insecure and like I wasn’t enough.
So I got with my ex to cover up this emotional hole, so to speak.
The only person who could cover up that emotional hole was myself.
So, the first takeaway is to give yourself time to process the feelings of the breakup and not get into a relationship with anyone immediately.
Secondly, use that time to find yourself, be the best version of yourself, and pursue your hobbies and curiosities. You’re single now. Pursue that freedom with zeal, and enjoy it.
Be very picky when you choose a spouse. If you’re with the wrong spouse, it can destroy your life. This is the most critical decision you ever make.
Spend time with friends and family and, most importantly, have fun and laugh. Now, no one is killing your vibe.
Determine your ideal partner and consider what type of man/woman you must become to attract that spouse.
Then, get to work on being that type of person.
Some hobbies that helped me get over my past relationships are :
Reading.
Writing.
Working out.
Going on walks.
Playing chess.
Meeting up for coffee and going on walks with friends.
Watching TV.
Cooking.
Playing video games.
Spending time with friends and family.
Taking on more responsibility at work.
Cleaning my house.
When you break up with someone, your ex leaves a vacuum in your life.
From experience, the primary way to get over your ex and fill that vacuum is to fill your time with hobbies and pursue worthwhile things.
And when you find the right person.
Try not to change yourself too much.
I know I’ve changed myself far too much in some relationships.
Remember: Be yourself; everyone else is taken.
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How To Stay Calm When Life Makes You Stressed
I’ve just worked 6 days in a row and I’ve felt anxious, overworked and stressed out of my mind today.
So much so that I didn’t feel like writing this post.
So what did I do to sort myself out?
I did some box breathing.
If you’re feeling stressed please try this box breathing exercise it really helps.
It helps by taking you out of a fight or flight response and puts you in a rest and digest state.
I also listen to some relaxing music. Here are a couple of beautiful songs I love.
I also pray to god to give me strength.
A simple prayer like this will suffice:
“Dear god give me the strength needed to get through the day.”
God will help you I promise.
Another thing I do is have a power nap.
Recently I’ve been extremely busy and have been pushing the envelope.
Lying down and sleeping on the couch for 15 minutes will give you the energy you need when you have a mid-day slump.
You can also break down your problems down to one problem at a time.
Think step by step.
It can be easy to think of a million things we have to do in the future.
But then fail to do the one thing we can do now.
Focus on one thing at a time.
Bird by bird.
Don’t lose touch with the present moment.
Because the moment you do.
You lose touch with reality.
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Should You Eat Before Lifting Weights?
It’s entirely up to you.
Below is a picture of Martin Berkhan. He’s a strength coach and proponent of intermittent fasting.
He’s strong ( can deadlift 600 pounds or 272kg for reps) eats a high protein diet and controls his calories.
Below is Mike Matthews author of Bigger Leaner Stronger.
He mostly recommends eating breakfast in his books (not fasting) and he’s also strong, eats a high protein diet and controls his calories.
As you can see they both have great physiques. And they both control their calories, lift weights to get strong and eat a high protein diet.
One fasts before workouts and the other normally eats a pre workout meal.
Ultimately as long as your getting stronger at the gym then it’s optional to eat before your workouts.
As long as your eating enough calories for your goal ( fat loss, muscle gain etc) eating enough protein, and getting stronger in the gym.
It’s optional to eat before your workouts. But I always eat something before I workout. Usually something that’s high in protein and carbs.
Note: If you are going to fast I’d have a scoop of whey protein mixed with 250-500 ml of water 30 minutes before working out (although this isn’t fasting in the strict sense as there are calories in a protein shake).
The protein you consume before your workout will make you more anabolic rather than catabolic.
Long periods of fasting (going without calories) put you in a catabolic state (muscle wasting).
This is why hitting your daily calorie and protein target is so important.
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How To Dramatically Improve Your Life
It’s all about habits. If we can dramatically improve our habits, we can dramatically improve our lives.
If you practice the following habits you’ll realise you have everything to gain by doing them and nothing to lose.
- Work out 3 times per week– this will strengthen your body and mind and dramatically improve your confidence, where the body goes, the mind will follow. Getting fit will also make you more productive and effective in all areas of your life. Health is wealth, and life isn’t about fitness, but fitness dramatically improves your life. It also teaches you that to get better at something is to get better at anything. If you can dramatically change how your body looks and feels for the better, you might just be able to change your life.
- Read 30 minutes per day. The world is overwhelmingly complex, and reading literature helps us make some sense of it all. Reading is also a highly satisfying activity. It’s relaxing and improves your vocabulary and communication skills.
- Follow whatever dream you have and see where it takes you if you stick to it for 2 years– I don’t know what your ambition in life is; maybe you don’t know. But if you can start doing that thing for 30 minutes to an hour every day, the results compound over time miraculously. I enjoy writing, so I’m spending 30 minutes to an hour per day writing. Although I don’t get paid for this, writing is a deeply satisfying creative outlet for me. Find your thing. And if you can’t find it, then try a few things until you stumble upon it.
- Save and invest – here’s an example of how effective investing can be. Say you earn £2000 per month and invest 10% per month of this (£200) in the S&P 500 index fund ( the top 500 companies in America) then this, on average, has a 10–12% return of interest. So if you started investing now, then in 30 years, you’d have almost £500,000. Which is a sizable nest egg. In the next 2 years, if you learn this vital habit, it will set you up for life. Ideally, you’d invest more.
- Meditation – I recently watched a video with Billionaire Ray Dalio and film producer Martin Scorsese, and they both discuss how beneficial meditation has been in their lives. Ray Dalio says it’s the greatest gift he could give anyone. Meditation helps you maintain a state of equanimity and balance. So that you can make better decisions in life (and under pressure), it helps you get in touch with your subconscious mind, which is where creativity comes from and a lot of your wants, desires, dislikes, etc. come from; if we can get in touch with our unconscious, we can win at life. Meditation is extremely effective.
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What To Do When Nothing Goes Your Way
Focus on improving all areas of your life.
I’ve started working out three times a week (doing full-body workouts )and going on daily walks. I get 80–90% of my calories from whole foods. I’m also staying hydrated and prioritising getting good sleep every night ( 8 hours is best).
Intellectual goals- I’m trying to improve my intellect so that I know more and can do more. When we know more and can do more, we’re more useful in general. Nothing bad can occur from improving your mind.
Spiritual goals: I’ve started a meditation practice where I meditate 2 x 20 minutes per day focusing on my breathing. It’s helping me become more calm, patient and I’m getting less caught up in my mind.
Monetary goals: I always try to take on more responsibility in my day job. This builds my skills and helps develop my character. Doing difficult things is great for us; I also save and invest 20% of my income each month, which will hopefully give me financial freedom in the long run.
Even when trying to be the best version of yourself, you’ll experience setbacks. They’re part of life.
Just like you get hot and cold days, realise you get good and bad days, and they’re both sides of the same coin. Realise that this moment will pass, and the further you go through a bad patch, the closer you are to the good times.
Try not to let the bad times affect you too much, and the same for the good times. They’re both part of life.
Another strategy to make you feel better is to, direct your energies toward something you enjoy, i.e. a hobby.
This will help you through those dark times in your life because most people experience enjoyment when they engage in hobbies. When we experience joy, we tend not to think about things that are not going well in our lives.
We all experience bad times, and just knowing this fact doesn’t make it any easier, but just hold in there, and you’ll get through it.
I like this analogy:
“To be like the rock that the waves keep crashing over. It stands unmoved and the raging of the sea falls still around it.” – Marcus Aurelius.
We need to be like this when life gives us its worst.
Undefeatable.
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Some Of The Best Night Time Habits (And What Not To Do)
- You should sleep roughly the same time every night, give or take an hour. For example, if you go to bed at 10 or 11 p.m., you should get up at 6 or 7 a.m.
- Wind down with a book or something else, such as a board game or even tidying your house, so you won’t be staring at screens before bed ( the bright light from screens keeps you awake).
- Having a warm shower will relax your muscles and mind, helping you have a restful sleep.
- Do not eat too close to going to bed. Try not to eat for 1 or 2 hours before going to bed. No one likes going to bed bloated.
- Don’t drink lots of water before bed. Stop drinking an hour before bed so that you won’t wake up like an old man to pee at 3 a.m. in the morning. Try to get most of your water intake during the day and evening so you’re well-hydrated before bed don’t chug all your water intake at night
- Don’t drink alcohol before bed. Or at least limit the amount you drink. It’s known alcohol makes you fall asleep faster, but the overall quality of your sleep is much worse, and you wake more frequently. Alcohol also dehydrates you, and this can diminish your sleep quality.
- Don’t exercise too late at night. Ideally, try working out in the morning or afternoon. If you must, work out in the evening, but not one or two hours before bed. Otherwise, your adrenaline will be high, negatively impacting your ability to fall asleep. When I work out at night, I find it very hard to sleep.
- Don’t drink caffeine before bed. Try to drink all your caffeine as early in the day as possible. I try not to drink caffeine after noon. This means that by the time I lay down to rest, the caffeine is out of my system.
- Don’t smoke before bed. Nicotine, like caffeine, is a stimulant and will keep you up at night.
- Write down five things you’re grateful for and tick off your to-do list. There’s no better and more comforting feeling than completing your goals for the day. It’s the only way to get to our idealised selves, and we can only do it one day at a time. Being grateful for the small things is a cheat code to life, you instantly become happy.
- Brushing your teeth, this is a no-brainer.
- Clean your kitchen. I hate going to bed knowing I’ve forgotten to do my dishes or spray down the surfaces. For me, going to bed with a clean kitchen means going to bed with a clean mind.
- One easy hack is to use lamps at night on their lowest possible setting rather than have your main lights on. Your body prefers a dark environment at night as you get closer to bed time due to your circadian rythm (natural body clock). The picture below is me now in a darkish environment winding down for bed.
The Importance Of Good Sleep Hygiene And night Time Habits
If you follow the above advice, it should help massively. I know it has helped me a lot.
Good sleep hygiene and nighttime habits are vital for living a happy, enjoyable life.
We spend about one-third of our lives sleeping, or about 26 years. This is equivalent to 227,916 hours.
Just like we need to get our wakefulness right, we need to get our sleep right.
We always focus on:
I must do this; I must do that.
I’ll go here.
I’ll go there.
But how many of us stop and think:
How can I improve my sleep routine?
Unfortunately, not many of us do.
And if you ask yourself that question.
Great, you’ve taken the first step.
Now, focus on the advice above and get to work.
Some Additional Helpful Habits
- Get a massage from your spouse or give him/her one. It feels great to get a massage, and it feels great to give someone else one. We humans are givers; we generally feel good knowing that we’re helping someone else feel good.
- Listen to classical or calming music. This will relax your body and mind.
- Light a candle; pleasant smells can help relax and calm us.
- Do some deep, slow breathing. This will slow your heart rate and trigger your parasympathetic nervous system, which is the rest and digest nervous system rather than the fight-and-flight one. This is extremely relaxing.
- Meditation is another way to relax your body and mind. It helps prevent you from getting lost in your thoughts and instead immerses you in the present moment, which is deeply satisfying. To meditate, you can either focus on your breath for 5-10 minutes while sitting in a cross-legged position with your eyes closed or take the same posture and repeat a mantra for 5 minutes, e.g., “Ohm” (this type of meditation is called transcendental meditation).
Good nighttime habits enable us to sleep at a time we like so we can get up early and seize the day.
Benjamin Franklin said “Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise”.
And I believe him.
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Why Charles Bukowski’s Don’t Try Advice Will Change Your Life
Takeaways:
- To not try is to live authentically, tap into the energies of your soul and pursue a life you truly want.
- Please don’t do things for praise or esteem; we need to do things because we’re internally driven to do them. If we’re internally driven, we’re far more likely to succeed.
- Think with your heart over your mind. Your heart tells you the truth. Get in touch with your intuition.
Don’t Try.
The late Charles Bukowski wrote many books, including Post Office and Ham on Rye.
Throughout his life he worked mediocre jobs but always wanted to become a writer.
It took him decades to get a book published.
But throughout his life he consistently would sit down and write.
His secret was the fact that he didn’t try.
Charles lead his life by following the don’t try mantra.
So much so that he had the words “don’t try” put on his headstone.
I believe the secret to life is not to try.
It’s the ultimate truth.
It doesn’t mean we need to be lazy.
It means we must live authentically and pursue lives we’re drawn to.
Take writing, for instance. I love it and always feel better after writing.
I don’t get paid for it; I do it out of love.
Or, take working out. I always feel great afterwards, and I do it for its own sake. I never have to try.
This advice isn’t easy to follow primarily because we live in a materialistic culture seeped in philistinism.
We’re told to keep up with the Joneses, make more money, get a better car, and max out our credit cards.
Last year, I lived a life I hated. I compared myself to others and tried to improve my status in the hierarchy.
At the expense of my own happiness.
What happened was I killed myself doing overtime, gave all my time to a girlfriend who didn’t care about me and above all, I was trying extremely hard for nothing.
When we try at life, we’re trying for someone else dreams, not our own.
If we truly love something and want our lives to be a certain way, we’ll naturally gravitate towards what we want out of life.
But the biggest thing I want you to take away from this is:
Whatever you do, don’t get in your own way.
Life is very easy, but our minds make it more complicated.
In reality we need to get in touch with our true selves.
And then life won’t feel like an uphill battle. Because when we love our lives, we don’t try.
Why would you try to love your life?
You either love it or you don’t.
And trying makes you aim for something external. Something false.
The truth of life:
We need to live a life we love so much that if someone forced us to live our lives, we’d bite their hand off.
Below is a picture of Charles Bukowski’s “ don’t try” headstone.
Think With Your Heart More Than Your Head
In the book Man In Search Of A Soul By Carl Jung, he writes about a time he spoke with the Pueblo Indians, and they told him that:
“Americans were mad because they believed their thoughts were in their heads, whereas any sensible man knows that he thinks with his heart”.
To not try means to be in touch with our intuitions, our hearts, and God.
The Concept Of Dukkha
In Buddhism, Dukkha is the concept of dissatisfaction, suffering, or imperfection.
It’s a natural part of life.
And it arises in the mind.
You and I will experience Dukkha.
But if we can think with our hearts rather than our minds and be in touch with our authentic selves.
Then, we can limit the amount of Dukkha we experience.
But whatever you do, don’t get caught in your mind.
Detach.
And embrace Bukowski’s don’t try philosophy.
Start today.
Takeaways:
To not try is to live authentically, tap into the energies of your soul and pursue a life you truly want.
Please don’t do things for praise or esteem; we need to do things because we’re internally driven to do them. If we’re internally driven, we’re far more likely to succeed.
Think with your heart over your mind. Your heart tells you the truth. Get in touch with your intuition.
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Does Life Begin At Forty? ( Was Carl Jung right?)
“Life really does begin at forty. Up until then, you are just doing research.” – Carl Jung
Key Takeaways
- During our youth and early adulthood, we’re bound to make mistakes. For many, it’s not until we reach the ripe age of our 30s or 40s that we have enough life experience to really know what we want out of life.
- To begin living as early as possible, we need to become readers. Readers are leaders, and books teach us how to live and not live.
- To not waste time and to begin living now, engage in habits that can only cause positive results in your life. For example, working out, reading, tidying your house, eating healthily, writing, having a good sleep routine, etc. If you fill your life with only positive habits, you’re more likely to get the most out of life and not waste it. Your time would have been spent effectively.
At 26, I’ve realised that no one knows what they’re doing.
Most people act out a facade to portray that they’ve got their Sh!t together.
Almost no one has.
I believe Carl Jung was right when he said life begins after 40 ( never mind 30, and there is much to gain from our life from birth to the grave).
Wisdom is an ever-moving goal. We are lucky if we ever obtain even a mere helping of it.
Also, be very careful when people claim to have things “figured out”; no one does. The same shoe pinches another, and there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.
I believe our lives begin when we experiment throughout our lives, following our curiosities and passions and seeing where they take us.
As a kid, I used to think adults had it figured out. I thought they were much brighter and wiser than I was, and I needed to listen to them.
Now, as an adult myself, I know this is untrue. We’re all flawed.
Youth’s Wasted On The Young
Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and looking back towards the earlier parts of our lives, we feel like we could have done things better because none of us goes through life doing things perfectly.
How Not To Waste Time And Get The Most Out Of Life
To avoid wasting your life, we first need to define a wasted life. I describe it as a life full of bad habits that aren’t helpful for you or anyone.
This includes habits such as:
Drinking, smoking, watching porn, binge-watching tv. Essentially, it is anything that causes a net negative to your life.
In contrast, if you swap these habits for things like working out, reading, tidying your house, eating healthily, writing, etc., these habits can only benefit your life.
If you stick with good habits over the course of your life, they have a synergistic effect and will help you become a productive, effective person.
Readers Are Leaders
I believe the best way to avoid wasting time is to look into the lives of others and read broadly in general. By learning about others, we can understand what to do and what not to do in our lives to live effectively.
The more we know, the more we can do, and the more we can do, the more opportunities we have to succeed in life.
The less we know, the more likely we are to repeat others’ pitfalls, whereas if we educate ourselves, we may be able to avoid the many pitfalls life has to offer.
Reading can teach you how to live and how not to live. Both are extremely important.
Takeaways
- During our youth and early adulthood, we’re bound to make mistakes. For many, it’s not until we reach the ripe age of our 30s or 40s that we have enough life experience to really know what we want out of life.
- To begin living as early as possible, we need to become readers. Readers are leaders, and books teach us how to live and not live.
- To not waste time and to begin living now, engage in habits that can only cause positive results in your life. For example, working out, reading, tidying your house, eating healthily, writing, having a good sleep routine, etc. If you fill your life with only positive habits, you’re more likely to get the most out of life and not waste it. Your time would have been spent effectively.
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How Can We Remain Stoic Even When Life Makes It Difficult
At the heart of stoicism are virtues.
Marcus Aurelius says in meditations: If, at some point in your life, you should come across anything better than justice, honesty, self-control, courage—than a mind satisfied that it has succeeded in enabling you to act rationally, and satisfied to accept what’s beyond its control—if you find anything better than that, embrace it without reservations—it must be an extraordinary thing indeed—and enjoy it to the full.
The key isn’t to be perfectly stoic all the time. It’s to turn to stoicism when life tests us and to live life in a virtuous way ( practicing virtues) because this will benefit us and everyone around us.
We’re not perfect and I’m sure that Marcus Aurelius, Seneca and Epictetus weren’t either. But as long as your trying your best to live life in a virtuous way and actually practicing philosophy rather than just reading about it, then you’ll reap the rewards.
henrypaget.com 