Every individual is different and he or she feels love differently. This is mainly what the book is about. If someone shows us love in a love language that isn’t our own, and fails to show us, love, in our real love language we won’t feel loved.
What Are The Five Love Languages
1: Words of affirmation ( for example saying I love you to your spouse).
2: Acts of service ( for example making dinner or doing chores around the house for your spouse).
3: Gifts ( for example buying gifts/ presents for your spouse).
4: Quality time ( for example, having conversations with your spouse and experiencing things together).
5: Physical touch ( for example, sex, hugs, kisses etc).
If you feel loved mainly by physical touch and you didn’t get that from your spouse you’d feel unloved.
Everyone’s love language is different, but it’s important to find out your and your spouse’s love language. And if you speak to each other in the correct love languages you’ll both feel loved and the relationship should thrive.
In Gary’s words, ” your and your spouse’s love tanks will be full”.
1. ” But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you…. Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. “
Gary quotes Luke 6:27-28 from the bible several times in his book. The fact is whether it’s in a relationship with our spouses or relationships in general hate is never the answer.
“Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
2. “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
Gary also quotes Luke 6:38 from the bible. I’m a firm believer that the more we help others the more we help ourselves. And if we all endeavour to be givers, the more we help others and ourselves.
” Some people, when they do someone a favour, are always looking for a chance to call it in. And some aren’t, but they’re still aware of it—still, regard it as a debt. But others don’t even do that. They’re like a vine that produces grapes without looking for anything in return… after helping others… They just go on to something else… We should be like that. —Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor
3. “Can emotional love be reborn in a marriage? You bet. The key is to learn the primary love language of your spouse and choose to speak it.”
Choosing to speak your spouse’s love language, and your spouse choosing to speak your love language is extremely powerful. And if done correctly should breathe new life into a marriage or relationship.
Gary also says in his book:
” Some couples believe that the end of the “in-love” experience means they have only two options: resign themselves to a life of misery with their spouse, or jump ship and try again. Our generation has opted for the latter, whereas an earlier generation often chose the former. Before we automatically conclude that we have made the better choice, perhaps we should examine the data. The divorce rate for second marriages is higher than the divorce rate of first marriages. The divorce rate in third marriages is higher still. Apparently, the prospect of a happier marriage the second and third time around is not substantial.”
So with more unsuccessful marriages comes even more unsuccessful marriages.
If the power of love languages is used in relationships, Gary argues that failed relationships and failed marriages can be prevented.
The circle of influence includes things that are in our control. Some things in the circle of influence are:
Our character.
Our choices.
How we react.
To focus on the circle of influence is to focus on what we can control.
The Circle Of Concern
The circle of concern includes things that we have no control over. Such as:
The weather.
What other people do and say.
Politics.
News.
To Be More Effective We Should Spend More Time On Things We Can Control
To spend time in the circle of concern is to waste precious time and energy.
Almost 2000 years ago the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius knew the power of focusing on the circle of influence. In his book Meditations, he said:
“The tranquillity that comes when you stop caring what they say. Or think, or do. Only what you do. (Is this fair? Is this the right thing to do?) <…> not to be distracted by their darkness. To run straight for the finish line, unswerving.”
To Focus On The Circle Of Concern Is To Give Up Responsibility
Ultimately we shouldn’t let external conditions dictate our lives.
It’s not what happens to us in life that matters its all about how we respond. And at each moment we all have the power to choose that response.
Some Things In Our control That Can Help us Improve Our Lives
Health- workout 3-5 times per week, eat mostly whole foods, and get 8 hours of sleep per night.
Education – read 45 minutes to 1 hour per day.
Wealth – save/ invest at least 10% of your income each month.
Of course, there are many things we can focus on that can help us improve our lives or help us get to a said goal but this blog post would include an endless list if I were to list them all.
Focus On The End Goal Of What You Want To Achieve And Work Backwards
If you have a goal or an area of life where you’d like to improve, first determine the desired outcome and then make a plan including things you can control now, to reach that goal.
For example:
If your goal was to build a blog, you could start posting every day. If you wanted to get stronger, you could start a weekly strength training program.
Life can be overwhelmingly complex at times, but the more we focus on the circle of influence the more simplified life becomes.
Edith Eger who is a holocaust survivor and psychologist said in her book the choice:
” To be free is to live in the present. If we are stuck in the past, saying, “If only I had gone there instead of here …” or “If only I had married someone else …,” we are living in a prison of our own making. Likewise if we spend our time in the future, saying, “I won’t be happy until I graduate …” or “I won’t be happy until I find the right person.” The only place where we can exercise our freedom of choice is in the present.”
The present is all we ever have. And that’s where true freedom and happiness are found.
I’ve just been reading the choice by Edith Eger who is a Holocaust survivor and psychologist.
For many years Edith bottled up the terrible things that happened in Auschwitz.
But the fact is, she found that the more she denied that part of herself the more it hurt.
She found that suppressing the feelings of what went on in the concentration camp only made it harder to let them go.
Edith says “Expression is the opposite of depression”.
The fact is we need ways to cope with the shit life throws at us.
Some things that can help:
Talking Therapy.
Eating healthily.
Working out.
Getting enough sleep.
Spending time with friends and family.
If we’re healthier we’ll better face the turmoil the world throws at us. And if we have friends, family or even therapists to express our thoughts, feelings and emotions to life will be easier.
Whatever your goal may be, it could be a health goal or a personal project like a blog or whatever it may be.
Just starting small, doing something, is better than nothing.
In fitness, it could be just removing sugary drinks. Or for a personal blog, you could post every day even if your article isn’t perfect.
All in all, you can either start small now or start big someday ( the day will probably never come.)
This moment right now in front of us is all we ever have. It’s up to us to use it as effectively as possible to get to where we want to go in life and experience the things we want to experience.
1. Save/Invest at least 10% of your income every month (more if possible)
In the book, the millionaire next door Thomas J Stanley shows us that most millionaires, know how to save. And especially for a long time (most of their lives).
Investing at least 10% of your income in an index fund or other mutual fund could build amazing compound interest if you invest for years to come.
2. Become Frugal
In the book the millionaire next door by Thomas J Stanley one of the reasons why millionaires are wealthy is because they aren’t wasteful.
They budget, they don’t pay over the odds for things, and again they save.
Benjamin Franklin knew the importance of frugality, so much so that he practised the virtue of frugality regularly.
Of his 13 virtues ( he practised a different virtue every day) the 5th virtue was frugality.
Here’s how Benjamin Franklin described the virtue – ” Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.”
3. Learn Valuable Skills And Keep Learning To Increase Income
The more we know, the more we can do, and the more we can do the more oppurtinies we have to succeed. Becoming a perpetual learner can make us better at life and can help us become more effective individuals in general.
In the book so good they can’t ignore you by Cal Newport, he peddles the idea that the guys and gals with the best jobs are the ones who have learned valuable skills and/or are the best at what they do.
When you’re the best at what you do, you’re in demand. And people will pay you handsomely for your services and time. The individuals who are the best at what they do often tend to have the most freedom as well.
The Bottom Line
If we can consistently save/ invest money in things that will give us a healthy rate of return in the long term. While also being frugal and developing valuable skills. We’ll be getting closer to wealth every single day.
1. “Making money is not a thing you do- it’s a skill you learn.”
We only have so many hours in a day. Imagine if we could find ways to make money without having to give up all our precious time.
Many people do this. It’s possible to make money from advertising on a blog/ youtube channel, sell a virtual product, invest money into funds etc.
I believe if we can find more ways to make money without sacrificing more time we’ll have more freedom.
2. “Specific knowledge is found by pursuing your genuine curiosity and passion rather than whatever is hot right now.”
If we focus on what we think we should be focusing on ( maybe whatever is popular etc) rather than what we’re interested in, we won’t get as far.
Genuine curiosity can take us places where boredom and disinterest can’t. We’re much more likely to get better in an area / build specific knowledge in a subject if we’re genuinely interested in it.
3. “The most important skill for becoming rich is becoming a perpetual learner”
The more we know, the more we can do, and the more we can do the more opportunities we have in life to succeed.
One amazing thing about books that no one speaks about is that you can literally get insider knowledge from some of the most iconic and successful people in history, past and present.
I try to read 30 minutes to 1 hour per day, I mostly read genres that I’m curious about and have a genuine interest in.
The Bottom Line
Naval Ravikant is a successful entrepreneur and investor. These pieces of advice are from his book the Almanack of Naval Ravinkant I highly recommend you read it.
“It’s normal to feel pain in your hands and feet, if you’re using your feet as feet and your hands as hands. And for a human being to feel stress is normal—if he’s living a normal human life. And if it’s normal, how can it be bad?”
Marcus Aurelius
To feel stress is human. You feel stress, I feel stress. And no matter what happens in our lives we’ll all feel stress from time to time.
What matters is how we respond to stress, how we deal with it.
Maybe you were speaking to an angry customer at work, and they got you riled up. Maybe you got cut off in traffic and it pissed you off.
Whatever it is that’s got you stressed it’s important to have an outlet to get rid of the negative energy.
Here are some of my favourite things I do when I feel stressed.
Take a walk. (30 minutes will do).
Work out. ( It could be anything you like, weightlifting, cardio, whatever).
Meditate for 10 minutes ( Try and focus on your natural breathing rhythm, and every time your thoughts wander refocus on your breathing to break the negative thinking cycle.)
Focus on a project. ( This could be a blog or something to do with work/ business or personal project e.g. a hobby.)
Listen to music ( This is one of the easiest things you can do to boost your mood.)
Normal Stress And Too Much Stress
If you’re chronically stressed this could be a sign that you might need to change a few things in your life or at least how you respond to the challenges you face.
For example, if you’re unfit and this is causing a great deal of stress (maybe you have less energy than normal, or it’s harder to perform general tasks).
Then the solution would be to consistently work out 3-5 times per week, drink enough water, eat a healthy diet and get enough sleep.
If an unhealthy habit is causing problems in your life. And is causing you stress, then the best thing to do is break that habit, which will enable you to get rid of the unnecessary stressor.
Why You Need To Get A Handle On Your Stress
In the book Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers By Robert Sapolsky, Robert explains how chronic stress can cause chronically high blood pressure and when blood pressure is chronically high over time it can cause cardiac problems. Such as heart disease.
The Bottom Line
To be chronically stressed is not good for us. If we don’t get a handle on it, our health and quality of life will suffer. And this is why it’s important to focus on removing unnecessary stressors in our daily lives. And practice behaviours that will help us reduce stress and promote relaxation.
When we spend our time doing hard things we get into a flow state.
A flow state takes occurs when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.
When our bodies and minds are stretched to there limits to achieve something difficult we stop focusing on the past or future.
The difficult task at hand (whatever it may be) forces us to be so present in the moment that it creates for us as Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi the author of flow says an “optimal experience”.
Doing Hard Things Makes Us Happier Individuals
When we push our boundaries, we get a deeply satisfying feeling.
And I honestly believe that if we’re not improving in our lives we’re almost certainly getting worse.
I’ll give you some examples:
Going to the gym and working out is a hard and uncomfortable thing to do compared to sitting on the sofa watching tv with a bag of crisps.
But even though you may not feel like going to the gym and end up going anyway, 9 times out of 10 you’ll always feel glad you went. In other words, you’ll never regret going to the gym to push your boundaries and improve yourself physically.
On the other hand, if you planned to go to the gym but didn’t go and instead watched tv on the sofa while eating a bag of crisps, you’ll feel a sense of dissatisfaction and guilt because you didn’t achieve anything meaningful.
I get this same feeling with writing, sometimes I dread writing but I’m always glad that I’ve written something.
The truth is spending our time on meaningful activities or projects fills us with a sense of achievement and happiness, whereas sedating ourselves with tv, food, drugs or porn fills us spiritually with guilt and leaves us feeling empty.
” Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV, And you think you’re so clever and classless and free, But you’re still fucking peasants as far as I can see”.
Regarding religion, I’m indifferent to what John says there because I believe that religion should have the primary goal to make man better and improve society as a whole and any religion that does that is a net good in the world.
But I do agree with the rest of what he says, there are a number of distractions and sources of instant gratification in this world that make doing hard things and getting into the flow state difficult.
If we focus on pleasure over meaningful action. Then we become a slave to our instincts.
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi puts what I’m trying to say well in his book flow:
” The person who cannot resist food or alcohol, or whose mind is constantly focused on sex, is not free to direct his or her psychic energy. “
If we become a slave to consumer culture how can we seriously control our psychic energy on meaningful tasks and get into the flow state which inherently is what leads to happiness?
The answer is if we become a slave to consumer culture putting our energy into meaningful tasks becomes harder and harder to do.
Being In The Flow State Embodies Virtues
When we put our energy into doing hard and difficult tasks, these tasks embody virtues. For example, putting your time and effort into building a healthier and stronger physique embodies virtues like self-control and courage.
Reading a difficult book requires self-control, and resolution. Climbing a mountain requires courage, self-control, and resolution.
In other words, doing hard and difficult things make us more respectable individuals. The people that we look up to in this world are generally people who have done amazingly hard and difficult things.
And pushing our boundaries physically and mentally makes us stronger individuals. As Friedrich Nietzsche says “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”
A List Of Difficult Tasks That Help You Get Into The Flow State And Achieve Happiness
Below is a list of activities that should help you get in the flow state. And as Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi says a flow state is an optimal experience of ultimate happiness.
Hiking.
Weightlifting.
Reading.
Writing.
Sports and extreme sports.
Meditation.
Work.
Any activity can help you get in the flow state if you become completely immersed in what you’re doing. But the easiest way to get into a flow state is to satisfy the below criteria.
For a flow state to occur you need to:
1. Push yourself either physically or mentally so you’re completely immersed in what you’re doing.
2. Have a clear goal in mind.
If I take each of the aforementioned activities you’ll see how they satisfy the flow criteria, but ultimately any activity can satisfy the criteria of being in a flow state.
Hiking And Walking
When you go on a hike there’s always a clear end goal. Climbing the summit of the mountain or reaching your desired destination. Each step of the way you’re covering new terrain and testing your limits totally absorbed by the scenery.
Those who have hiked mountains will know this unique feeling of being in a flow state.
Heres an excerpt from the book flow of a mountaineer describing being in the flow state:
“When you’re [climbing] you’re not aware of other problematic life situations. It becomes a world unto its own, significant only to itself. It’s a concentration thing. Once you’re into the situation, it’s incredibly real, and you’re very much in charge of it. It becomes your total world.”
Just like an Olympic athlete breaks their own records and is wholly absorbed by the goal at hand in their given sport, we can break our own records in whatever given sport we pursue.
Weightlifting provides one of the most tangible mediums to express our physical potential.
When you deadlift ( or perform any other exercise) and achieve a new personal record you’re always pushing your limits and not focusing on the past or future just the goal at hand.
This is what causes the flow state. And enjoyment occurs because when we push our limits we have to be fully immersed in the experience. And when we’re so fully in the moment negative emotions cease to exist.
Reading And Writing
Reading is a good way to push ourselves mentally rather than physically. Understanding new words, ideas, and concepts help us enter the state of flow because at the moment we are immersed in the book past and future cease to matter and we’re totally absorbed by the task at hand.
Writing is similar to reading because a decent chunk of time that you spend writing you spend reading.
Its also harder than reading, it takes more effort, but that’s part of why I love writing.
Writing immerses me more in the task at hand.
Sports And Extreme Sports
Competing against others in all sorts of sports forces us to be at our very best, and to be at our best we need to be fully immersed in the task at hand.
Why do you think climbing rock faces, bungee jumping and sky diving are activities that some people enjoy doing?
It’s because these activities force individuals to be present and fully immersed in the task at hand and enter the state of flow.
Meditation
The better you get at meditation the more control you have over consciousness. And being in full control of consciousness can immerse us deeply in the present moment. Thereby allowing us not to focus on the past or future but help us become deeply rooted in the present moment.
This full control over consciousness and becoming fully present can help us dissolve our egos and help us get into the flow state.
The goal of meditation is to create a duality of body and mind and have full control over consciousness. The more we do this the better we get in our spiritual endeavours.
Work
In any sort of work, we can always push our boundaries to improve. Just like the athlete focuses on improving his time at the 100m sprint, the production line worker can improve his speed and efficiency at the job at hand or position in the hierarchy.
For the writer, there will always be something to write about and the skill of writing can always be honed.
The delivery driver can focus on being as quick as he can (within reason) by finding the quickest routes and taking in whatever scenery may abound.
When we voluntarily push our limits and focus fully on our work we can enter the flow state quite easily.
As long as we’re open to it, we can enter the flow state in all situations in our daily lives. But difficult tasks are usually the best at helping us enter this state. They also genearly provide the largest rewards and benefits.
The Bottom Line On Why You Should Spend Time Doing Hard Things
Engaging in difficult activities that push our limits help us experience true happiness by allowing us to enter a state of flow.
Spending time on shallow activities like watching tv and browsing social media is okay in moderation but try to fill most of your day engaging in activities that help you get into a flow state (most activities can help you enter this flow state).
This article was inspired by the book Flow which I’m currently reading. I’ll probably do a book review on it in the near future.
Does spending your time on difficult but meaningful activities enhance your feelings of happiness? Let me know in the comments below.
Marcus Aurelius was a Roman emperor from 161- to 180 AD. His book meditations was essentially a diary to himself that was never intended to be published.
Meditations provides one of the greatest works on ethical and spiritual reflection ever written. It contains nuggets of practical advice on dealing with adversity, living in this world, understanding human behaviour and much more.
Many influential and successful people have read meditations. Some include but are not limited to:
Bill Clinton ( he reads it every year)
Theodore Roosevelt
Arnold Schwarzenegger
George Washington
Thomas Jefferson
Meditations is also part of volume 2 of the Harvard classics and has become required reading by statesmen and philosophers.
Marcus Aurelius Was A Proponent of Stoicism
To be stoic is to show strength and courage in adversity and misfortune. As Marcus says ” To be like a rock that the waves keep crashing over. It stands unmoved and the raging of the sea falls still around it” can be related back to the stoic adjective.
At the heart of stoicism is the belief that everything is interconnected and that everything happens for a reason.
Marcus says:
” Nothing can happen to me that isn’t natural” and ” I can keep from doing anything that god and my own spirit don’t approve. No one can force me to”.
“It was for the best. So Nature had no choice but to do it”.
Two things that Marcus goes back to over and over again is the willing acceptance of all external events and conducting your life in a virtuous way.
To put it in a different way it’s not what happens to us that matters it’s how we respond that really matters. And we must respond in a virtuous manner so we can flourish.
In Stoicism Virtue Is The Highest Good
“If, at some point in your life, you should come across anything better than justice, honesty, self-control, courage—than a mind satisfied that it has succeeded in enabling you to act rationally, and satisfied to accept what’s beyond its control—if you find anything better than that, embrace it without reservations—it must be an extraordinary thing indeed—and enjoy it to the full.”
Throughout stoicism, a common idea is that virtue is the highest good. And essentially virtue is just good moral behaviour. If we conduct ourselves virtuously in this world, we’ll become more effective, more successful and become better people.
Marcus thinks that the 4 greatest virtues are: justice, honesty, self-control, and courage. If we think of the opposite of these virtues like injustice, dishonesty, indiscipline or loss of control, and cowardice.
You can see that the opposite of these virtues are inherently bad and the virtues themselves are inherently good.
Justice
I like to think of justice as treating people as they deserve to be treated. If someone was going to be rude to you, would you be nice to them? No, you’d probably not want to associate with them. Just keep your distance.
Honesty
This simply means, to tell the truth, to never lie.
Self-Control
Self-control means simply not losing control. This might be needed so you don’t eat the whole bag of crisps when you’re trying to lose weight.
Or it might mean not losing your composure when someone cuts you off in traffic.
It could also mean not engaging in unhealthy behaviours like doing drugs, smoking, and excessively drinking alcohol.
Courage
At its most basic level courage is the strength to follow through on your actions. A basic amount of courage is needed to follow through on the aforementioned virtues.
On a larger scale, it’s the 300 Spartans and 700 Thespians who fought against the 100’s of thousands of Persians during the battle of Thermopylae.
At its highest level courage is putting yourself on the line for the benefit of the greater good.
Courage is the strength to do the right thing. Because doing the right thing is the only thing that matters.
My Top 7 Takeaways
1.) ” Because most of what we say and do is not essential. If you can eliminate it, you’ll have more time, and more tranquillity. Ask yourself at every moment, “Is this necessary? But we need to eliminate unnecessary assumptions as well. To eliminate the unnecessary actions that follow.”
Imagine a life where all we did was do what was essential? For me, I’ve got rid of unnecessary and ineffective habits/behaviours such as:
Deleted social media (it’s a massive time suck. Basically the mental equivalent to junk food).
Stopped drinking alcohol (primarily for health reasons).
Stopped watching porn ( It’s a time suck, unproductive, provides instant gratifaction at its finest and it has many negative consequences, I don’t see any benefits in it at all ).
And some more of the essential more productive things I’ve focused my attention on are:
Writing
Reading
Exercise
Watching sport
Socialising
How Do You Determine Whats Essential And Innesential?
When determining what’s essential in your life it’s extremely important to not make assumptions.
To determine if something is essential in my life I ask myself these questions?
How does this activity / behavior make me feel during and after?
Am I benefiting myself and the common good by doing it.
Is my precious time being wasted?
Could I spend the same amount of time being more effective on something else?
How Essentialism Has Made Me More Productive
For my blog to grow and help more people/ be more effective, good content is at the heart of that.
If I make it my primary focus to make good content (mainly articles), instead of spending lots of time on marketing, answering questions, and making social media posts then I’d of focused on what is essential.
Because I’m focusing on the most essential part of my blog, (writing articles) I’m enjoying writing more, and my output has increased.
Whatever You Do In Life Focus On The Essentials, And Avoid The Innesentials.
2. ” The tranquillity that comes when you stop caring what they say. Or think, or do. Only what you do. (Is this fair? Is this the right thing to do?) <… > not to be distracted by their darkness. To run straight for the finish line, unswerving. “
To give any mind space, to other people’s actions, or what they think or do is a waste of time (especially if they’re unhelpful). At the end of the day, we can only control our thoughts, our actions and our intentions.
If we’re trying to do the right thing, have the best intentions, and focus our actions on the common good does it really matter what other people say, think or do? I don’t think so.
As an emperor of Rome Marcus knew this all too well. He knew that we shouldn’t let praise or criticism get to our heads. We should be objective and see things as they are.
Marcus Said:
” Then what is to be prized? An audience clapping? No. No more than the clacking of their tongues. Which is all that public praise amounts to—a clacking of tongues. “
Do the right thing, nothing else matters and become indifferent to praise and unworthy criticism.
This isn’t to say that some criticism can’t be helpful and productive. Because it can.
Marcus says:
” If anyone can refute me—show me I’m making a mistake or looking at things from the wrong perspective—I’ll gladly change. It’s the truth I’m after, and the truth never harmed anyone. What harms us is to persist in self-deceit and ignorance. “
3. ” It’s silly to try to escape other people’s faults. They are inescapable. Just try to escape your own. “
Sure there are a lot of people and things in the world that can frustrate us. But there are a lot of people and things in this world that are good and positive.
This is the way the world has always been, and always will be.
It’s extremely unproductive to judge other people’s faults and actions.
No one is perfect.
All we can do is become the very best versions of ourselves, escape our faults (everyone has them, I’m sure Marcus did) and we can hope to set an example to others.
“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
Mahatma Gandhi
4.) ” Not to assume it’s impossible because you find it hard. But to recognize that if it’s humanly possible, you can do it too. “
If you have an ambitious goal that has been achieved before by others, then why can’t you achieve it?
No one is inherently special. And we shouldn’t put others on pedestals. Throughout history, people just like you and me have achieved great things.
Keep this in mind always, in whatever you’re trying to achieve. And yes, maybe you might need help from others and there’s no shame in that.
Marcus said:
” Don’t be ashamed to need help. Like a soldier storming a wall, you have a mission to accomplish. And if you’ve been wounded and you need a comrade to pull you up? So what “.
5.) ” It’s normal to feel pain in your hands and feet, if you’re using your feet as feet and your hands as hands. And for a human being to feel stress is normal—if he’s living a normal human life. And if it’s normal, how can it be bad? “
Although in theory, it might seem like a good thing to be happy all of the time. But it’s just not realistic.
The unhappy and stressful times in life are needed for the happy ones and vice versa.
We do live in a culture with social media where everyone portrays themselves in the best light. You only see the good times on social media. Not the bad. Social media just gives us a perspective, not the truth.
Marcus said ” Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”
It’s okay not to feel happy all of the time. In fact, it’s normal. And if it’s normal how can it be bad.
6. “What injures the hive injures the bee.”
When you punish or hurt someone. You inadvertently hurt yourself.
To harm the individual is to harm humanity and to harm humanity is to harm the individual.
7. ” At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: “I have to go to work—as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for—the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?” —But it’s nicer here.… So you were born to feel “nice”? Instead of doing things and experiencing them? Don’t you see the plants, the birds, the ants and spiders and bees going about their individual tasks, putting the world in order, as best they can? And you’re not willing to do your job as a human being? Why aren’t you running to do what your nature demands? “
Even Marcus Aurelius the emperor of one of history’s greatest empires struggled with procrastination.
But he reminded himself of the workings of nature, how the ants, spiders and bees go about their individual tasks putting the world in order.
We live in the age of entitlement, where everyone wants to get paid for travelling the world being an “influencer” doing very little work.
Life doesn’t work like that and that’s a good thing.
Marcus says:
” If you don’t have a consistent goal in life, you can’t live it in a consistent way.” Unhelpful, unless you specify a goal. There is no common benchmark for all the things that people think are good—except for a few, the ones that affect us all. So the goal should be a common one—a civic one. If you direct all your energies toward that, your actions will be consistent. And so will you. “
If we can direct our attention towards helping others, and giving more than we take (there are many ways to do this) then not only will we flourish, we’ll help others flourish as well.
Some More Of My Favourite Quotes From Meditations By Marcus Aurelius
“To stop talking about what the good man is like, and just be one.”
“Joy for humans lies in human actions. Human actions: kindness to others, contempt for the senses, the interrogation of appearances, observation of nature and of events in nature.”
” You could be good today. But instead, you choose tomorrow. “
” Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now take what’s left and live it properly. “
” No one objects to what is useful to him. To be of use to others is natural. Then don’t object to what is useful to you—being of use.”
” Take care that you don’t treat inhumanity as it treats human beings. “
” The best revenge is not to be like that. “
” Concentrate every minute like a Roman—like a man—on doing what’s in front of you with precise and genuine seriousness, tenderly, willingly, with justice. And on freeing yourself from all other distractions. Yes, you can—if you do everything as if it were the last thing you were doing in your life, and stop being aimless, stop letting your emotions override what your mind tells you, stop being hypocritical, self-centered, irritable. You see how few things you have to do to live a satisfying and reverent life? If you can manage this, that’s all even the gods can ask of you. “
The Bottom Line On Why You Should Read Meditations By Marcus Aurelius
Meditations has stood the test of time, it’s almost 2000 years old and It wasn’t even intended to be published! It contains nuggets of wisdom that we can all use. It’s one of my favourite books and I always find myself going back to it.
Have you read it? If you have, let me know what you think in the comments below.
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