henrypaget.com

In this brave new world, finding love is as desirable as ever. But it’s much different from when people dated in the 20th century. Some say it’s better, and some say it’s worse, but either way, I believe that modern dating is just like sales.

Here’s why:

1. When you date (especially usually dating apps), you are in a dating pool, and your job is to get warm leads, for example, 100; from those 100, you may only be interested in 10, and from those 10, you may find your one unicorn. But to find the one, we need to increase our leads.
2. Modern life is as competitive as ever. In order to find the best spouse, we need to be the best people we can be. Otherwise, we settle for someone who is well below our standards and, alas, get a divorce.
3. The state of culture makes finding the right person harder, and being able to sell ourselves is vital for finding the right spouse.
4. Because of social media, everyone compares, so if you aren’t up to a decent standard, there are many others out there. If we can sell ourselves better than anyone else, this puts us in a position of power.

Now, we’ll dive deeper into these reasons.

1. Dating Is A Numbers Game

In the past two relationships, I found my ex-partners on dating apps. Here’s how the process started: I got x number of matches, went on dates, and found my previous girlfriends.

My mistake was selling myself to the wrong partners. We must sell ourselves to only the people we want to be with, not just anyone.

This is a hard idea to grasp, especially for those who grew up with television, because normally, the guy and gal meet each other in school or college, fall in love, and then are happily married and have a family.

I thought this would happen to me. If I found someone who was generally a good person and we loved each other, then we could make it work. (As a side note, only 1/4 of first-time relationships last.)

I was wrong. Now, I believe a successful relationship with a spouse is about having three things: heaps of trust, compatibility, and love.

Love isn’t enough by itself, and it never will be.

When you’re in the dating pool, it’s very important to be picky about who you choose to be your spouse.

The most important lesson from my previous failed relationships is to be very picky and not commit too soon. Try before you buy.

It doesn’t matter if you need to go on 100 dates. If you’re going to make the decision to be with someone for the rest of your life, you need to be wholly committed.

2. Be Competitive

In this competitive world, everyone is looking for more out of their relationships. It’s extremely important to constantly improve ourselves. If you’re not improving yourself already, start now.

Over the months and years, you’ll evolve to be an even better, more effective, and successful person, and you’ll attract spouses you generally want to be with. Don’t just settle because you’re ‘lonely’. One-third to half of all marriages fail.

The truth is we need to be very careful before we commit to a life partner.

3. Navigating Dating In Our Culture

Culture makes it more difficult than ever to find the right spouse. In the twentieth century, you’d meet your spouse in a pub or in the local community. Everyone was much more social, and the culture had more traditional Christian values.

In this Brave new world, finding the right spouse is like looking for a needle in a haystack.

4. Be Competitive But Avoid The Comparison Trap

The Comparison trap—Everyone uses social media, and the “grass is always greener” mentality is common.

On my dating journey, I’m trying to find genuine and authentic spouses who aren’t addicted to scrolling on social media 24/7. It’s literal junk food for your brain.

Make Sure You’re Not A Simp ( My Story Of Being A Simp)

I was in a relationship with Jenny. I met her on the dating app Hinge, and we dated for a couple of months. After I begged her to go out with me, she did, although I didn’t think she wanted to.

We were in a relationship for around a year; I constantly said I loved her, bought her flowers, and got her nice presents for birthdays and Christmas (spending far too much). Our sexual life was nonexistent.

She reciprocated almost zero love for me. Now, it’s clear to me that I was undoubtedly a simp, but I didn’t know it at the time.

Before getting into a relationship with Jenny, I read a popular book called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, and one of the five love languages described was receiving gifts (so I bought her gifts constantly as she seemed to like them).

I also took a quote from the book: literally, the quote was:

“But to you who are listening, I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you…. Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them.” Luke 6:27-31 (from the bible).

So, even though she wasn’t reciprocating my love, I thought, “If I keep showing her how much I love her, no matter what, she has to love me back.”

Oh, I couldn’t have been more wrong. In this relationship, I lost my sense of self-respect. Driving back from London (we’d been on a road trip), she said to me when we were talking about money, “You could spend more on me; I am your girlfriend,” even though she was showing me no love.

She went to Thailand to visit family for 2 weeks and returned, and she ended the relationship without seeing me. I was distraught because I had given her my all for a year.

The lesson I’ve learned is don’t be a simp and only get in a relationship with someone who truly respects you and treats you like you want to be treated.

Relationships only work when they’re reciprocal. You harm yourself by acting like a simp.

Most people don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who acts like a simp primarily because it’s inauthentic.

As a note: Jenny isn’t her real name; it’s a pseudonym to hide her identity.

The Bottom Line On Why Dating Is Just Like Sales

Put yourself out there, increase your dating pool, become the best person you can be, be picky, and don’t settle for someone who isn’t right for you.

Realise that love isn’t enough. When choosing your life partner, you need to be wholly committed. Is it a f$ck yes or a f$ck no to the relationship? But whatever you do, don’t be a simp.

Do you agree with my article on why dating is just like sales? What do you think? Let me know by commenting below. Please press the like button if you found it helpful.

To be notified when I write articles, subscribe to my substack.