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I’ve just finished Paul Kalanithi’s book, When Breath Becomes Air.

Paul was a neurosurgeon who was diagnosed with Terminal Lung cancer in his mid-30s. He passed away at the age of 37.

Paul always loved to read and write, so when he got his cancer diagnosis, he realised his only chance to write a book would be now or never.

So throughout his suffering as a cancer patient, he wrote his memoir, while also performing neurosurgery, he was trying to continue striving throughout his life, even when death was knocking on his door. He still wanted to help others, to pursue meaning and follow his purpose.

Paul and his partner Lucy decided to have a daughter during Paul’s fight with cancer ( via artificial insemination). It’s such a shame that Paul didn’t see his daughter grow up, although he did spend time with her before his passing, but she was so young that she may never remember what her father was like.

This book is highly emotional and one of the most touching I’ve ever read.

I’d say that When Breath Becomes Air and Man’s Search for Meaning are the books that have hit me the hardest.

I shed a tear over this book and Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning.

Anyway, let’s get to the takeaways:

1. “ Only 0.0012 percent of thirty-six-year-olds get lung cancer. Yes, all cancer patients are unlucky, but there’s cancer, and then there’s CANCER, and you have to be really unlucky to have the latter.”  Paul was extremely unlucky to get terminal lung cancer. But he didn’t let this get to him too much; he made the most out of every moment he had left, right until the bitter end, and he’s taught me how to face death when my time comes. When we get told news like we have terminal cancer, we can choose to find meaning even in death. Lucy (Paul’s partner ) says in the book that even though Paul’s diagnosis was challenging to get to grips with, the last couple of years together were some of the most beautiful moments in their lives. It’s the tough times that bring us together.
2. “I began to view the world through two perspectives; I was starting to see death as both doctor and patient. As a doctor, I knew not to declare “Cancer is a battle I’m going to win!” or ask “Why me?” (Answer: Why not me?) I knew a lot about medical care, complications, and treatment algorithms”.  Because Paul was a doctor, he knew the reality of cancer diagnoses. No amount of willpower can defeat the cancer. The fact is, many things were out of Paul’s control. He could merely choose to ride the cancer wave as best as he could before he reached oblivion. And because Paul knew this, he could deal with his life as it was rather than how he wanted it to be. 
3. “Years ago, it had occurred to me that Darwin and Nietzsche agreed on one thing: the defining characteristic of the organism is striving.” One of Nietzsche’s most famous quotes is “ he who has a why can bear almost any how”. Paul’s why for and throughout the beginning of his life was primarily literature, then mostly the medical field during the testing years of medical school and as a resident neurosurgeon. Finally, when he got his diagnosis, his overarching goal seemed to be finishing his book. However, he worked as a neurosurgeon as long as he could before his body failed him. His wife and daughter also gave him a why for his life. Paul strived to the very end. We can learn a valuable lesson from this. To be striving is to be human.
4. “I can’t go on, I thought, and immediately, its antiphon responded, completing Samuel Beckett’s seven words, words I had learned long ago as an undergraduate: I’ll go on. I got out of bed and took a step forward, repeating the phrase over and over: “I can’t go on. I’ll go on.” I think this is a valuable insight that we can all do with. Life is overwhelmingly complex and difficult. Best to think in difficult times when we feel like giving up, “ I can’t go on, I’ll go on”. Paul could have gave up on life and felt sorry for himself, but he did the opposite; he strived forward despite how he felt and tried to keep as much normalcy in his life as possible. We can only hope to be this courageous. When my time comes, I hope I can face death with the same courage and bravery Paul did.
5. “Everyone succumbs to finitude. I suspect I am not the only one who reaches this pluperfect state. Most ambitions are either achieved or abandoned; either way, they belong to the past. The future, instead of the ladder toward the goals of life, flattens out into a perpetual present. Money, status, all the vanities the preacher of Ecclesiastes described hold so little interest: a chasing after wind, indeed.” We are all going to die; let this determine what you say, think and do. 

Whatever I write in this article, I will never be able to do Paul justice.

His book is a must-read for everyone; above all, it’s taught me to face death with realism, respect and courage. When you get a diagnosis of cancer like Paul did, he says it’s a process, not a one-time event. This seems obvious, but the best approach is to take one day at a time. And still try to orient your life to some overall meaning despite the hard-to-take news.

Paul’s memoir is more than just a book. It provides a manual on facing death in the most courageous and honourable way.

This is by far one of my favourite books.

Have you read when Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi 

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