In my own life, I’ve discovered that committing myself to people who haven’t been good for me has caused me many problems.
In my teens, I had a group of friends who liked to smoke weed. When I would go out with them, it was all they’d ever do.
Going out to sit in remote places and smoke weed was not something I could see myself doing.
So what did I do? I stopped associating with these so-called friends. They weren’t good for me, and engaging with these types of people only made me a worse and less effective person.
I said no to going out with these friends. I broke off my friendship commitment, which was the right thing to do.
Committing To The Wrong Spouse
In my first relationship in high school, my girlfriend snooped around my back and talked to and met up with her ex ( doing things with him sexually that I won’t go into detail about).
I committed to the wrong person, and ending this relationship gave me more power over my life.
In my second relationship, several years later, I again was with the wrong person, and her happiness depended on how much I spent on her.
Again, when I left this relationship, I had more power over my life.
Finally, my last relationship that ended several months ago was tough.
There was a lot of emotional abuse going on. She would isolate me from my friends and go into my phone behind my back and not respect my boundaries at all. She was so intense about not respecting my boundaries that it felt like I could hardly breathe.
When this relationship ended, I went from having no agency over my life to having absolute power over it.
I’m Not Saying Don’t Commit To Anyone Ever
But what I am saying is only commit to people whom you trust.
Trust is something that develops over time.
If you and I became friends for a couple of years, and I always did what I said I would do, and I was always a good friend and a helpful hand during difficult times, then I’m guessing you would trust me quite a bit.
What I’m Planning On Doing Before I Commit To Another Romantic Relationship
I want to build a strong platonic relationship with someone first.
I want her to respect my boundaries.
I want us to get on well emotionally and intellectually.
I want us to genuinely enjoy each other’s company.
Only when these criteria are satisfied will I even think about a romantic relationship.
Ideally, I want a romantic relationship to ensue as a byproduct of a strong platonic friendship.
Because that’s what true romantic love is.
A lifelong friendship.
Committing To The Wrong Spouse, Friends, Or Even Job Can Have Disastrous Consequences
Committing to the wrong spouse can cause divorce.
Committing to the wrong friend group can bring you down to their subpar level. It’s better to be friends with people who are actively trying to be better; this will rub off on you.
Committing to the wrong job can cause depression and neuroses.
How To Not Commit To The Wrong People And Things
Say no.
But this only works if you have something better to focus on, something more worthwhile.
“Writer Justine Musk reminds us that in order to say no with consistency and generosity, we need to have something to say “yes” to. “ – Seth Godin.
I’ll give you an example of what I say yes to that helps me say no to the wrong people and things.
I say yes to reading good literature and writing ( hence why I’m writing this blog post).
I say yes to my family and friends, whom I greatly love.
I don’t have a big family. I mainly only see my mam and dad, and sometimes my sister and I have two or three close friends.
I say yes to working out and going on walks.
What I say yes to is the foundation that enables me to say no to the wrong things.
The goal is to say yes to the right things so you don’t say yes to the wrong things.
Whatever doesn’t align with your specially chosen goals should be a no.
The Bottom Line
Don’t commit to the wrong people or things in life. Be wise; don’t rush into commitments. Only commit to people who have earned your trust and favour and whom you truly respect and admire. If you’re in doubt about making a commitment, don’t make it. It’s better to have no commitments than to have the wrong commitments. To be committed to the wrong things is to relinquish a degree of power over your life.
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