1. The best meditation is walking meditation. It’s much more mentally and spiritually rewarding than sitting in a chair with your eyes closed for 20 minutes. Walking ceases to be meditation as soon as you start browsing your phone or listening to music/podcasts or audiobooks.
2. No matter how bad you might feel now, remember that everything in life eventually passes. So try not to get too happy or too sad, it won’t make a difference.
3. I love to read about the saints because a similar pattern emerges amongst many of them, they were down and out, then by giving their lives to Christ they become some of the best examples of what it means to be virtuous/holy. Saint Moses of Ethiopia was a gang leader who even murdered someone before giving up his life for Christ. By giving up your life to Christ, the impossible becomes possible.
4. Some things I regularly do to help boost my mood are , listen to Frank Sinatra, pray, write, and go on distraction-free walks.
5. I find monastic life deeply intriguing, for example, Saint Anthony the Great, the founder of monasticism, proved through his life and the other desert fathers’ lives that you can be happy and deeply fulfilled even with nothing from a material point of view.
6. You can easily determine the quality of your life by how alive you feel.
7. I gain much more value by reading the classics than I do from any commentary on the classics.
8. Trust the pilot when you board a plane, trust the surgeon when you have surgery. Trust the experts, you don’t always know best.
9. Modern yoga and flexibility/mobility shtick fails to realise that we humans shouldn’t aim for stretched-out, hypermobile muscles and joints, but strong ones that work through a functional range of motion.
10. Stay away from things that aren’t good for you, no matter how alluring they may seem at first.
11. The only way to understand yourself is through trial and error.
When you come across mental health advice these days, it’s common to see advice peddled such as do box breathing, start meditation, or write down five things you’re grateful for every day, and yes, these methods can have their place, but I’ve found the best antidote for feelings of melancholy is to do one thing, and it’s very simple:
Stay busy.
Try getting up early, going to the gym, working a full day, and filling your leisure time with projects (like writing projects)/ time with friends and family, and tell me if you feel depressed.
I promise you won’t feel depressed at all.
You see, humans are meant to engage with the world.
We’re not meant to be lazy couch potatoes.
The busier you are, the more you’re in a flow state
As of writing this post, I’m in a flow state. I’m completely focused on writing and am thus fully immersed in the present moment.
When we’re fully immersed in the present moment, it’s impossible to feel depressed or anxious.
When we stay busy with things we enjoy, we open ourselves up to experiencing a flow state.
Activities that help me get into a flow state
As I’ve already mentioned, writing helps me get into a flow state, so does reading, working out, listening to music, going on walks, skiing, spending time with friends and family, having good conversations and watching a good TV series or film.
I recommend you get involved in flow states that help others, and also help you make money
I love writing because when I write something helpful, others benefit, and it makes me feel good. I can also get paid for it by writing books, etc.
If writing isn’t your thing, then maybe make videos. The key is to choose a medium you enjoy.
Don’t forget to look after your health to rid feelings of melancholy
I had wrist surgery twice in the space of a year, and it’s safe to say that that was the most mentally challenging period of my life. I had chronic wrist pain, and there was nothing I could do about it.
If you focus on being healthy, i.e., don’t get injured (or minimise the risk as much as possible), make sure you eat healthily and are at a healthy body weight and exercise, you’ll instantly feel better in yourself compared to if you were unhealthy.
The body and the mind are inseparable. When we look after our bodies, our minds benefit.
Get good sleep and have a consistent sleeping pattern
I started feeling so much better mentally when I sorted my sleeping pattern out, and here’s how I did it:
The main reason I find it so easy to get up early and go to bed early now is that I make sure I eat all my meals for the day by 6-7pm.
This was a game-changer for me because I always used to eat really late at night, sometimes past 9pm. It affected my sleep because my body was still digesting food, and I felt bloated when I went to bed.
This tip isn’t spoken about much, but it really helps me. Try eating earlier, and I bet you’ll find it easier to sleep at night.
When I looked into the science behind why this works, I learned that it’s best to align our eating patterns with our circadian rhythm.
What this means is that you eat your meals from when the sun comes up to when it goes down because in hunter-gatherer times we would have only been awake when it was light and we would have slept when it was dark. Because there wouldn’t have been all the artificial lighting that there is today.
It’s amazing how much better you feel physically and mentally when you get your sleeping pattern in order.
Stay busy by going to church
I’m in the process of becoming Catholic, and following the Catholic faith has helped me feel so much better about myself than I ever thought possible.
I no longer hold onto grudges, and I’m much more forgiving.
I try to serve God and others more.
I love the peace I feel when I go to church mass.
I also love the discipline that daily prayer gives me.
The other week, I went to my first Catholic confession, and I felt better instantly
We, humans, have a tendency to hang on to the past. I know I did. Sometimes I would get thoughts pop into my mind, like, ‘Why did you do that, you idiot,’ or I’d feel guilt for some of the times I hadn’t lived up to my own standards (we all make mistakes, we’re not perfect).
When I went to confession, I repented my sins, and upon leaving the confession booth, I felt like a giant weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I carried this weight for years, and now I’d finally let go. My life now feels like a clean slate.
Catholicism has changed my life for the better. I recommend that everyone at least explore Catholicism. I’ve never felt as good in my life as I do now, and it’s because I’m a practising Catholic.
Do this now
Anytime you feel even the slightest bit melancholic, go and do something, such as going for a walk, going to the gym, reading a book, or doing some chores in the house. Whatever it is, go and do something productive that benefits you.
Recently, I noticed that on some evenings I was getting in my head too much, and it was making me feel down, so I’ve started going to weekly Catholic masses, and going to them makes me feel much better in myself.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, but the devil makes good use of idle hands, and if you don’t be intentional with your time and do things that benefit you, the devil will use you for his purposes, so to speak, and vices and sin will creep into your life.
When have you been the happiest in your life?
For me, it’s when I’m so immersed in different activities that I stop thinking about myself. And I’ve found it’s almost impossible to be happy when you’re self-conscious. So I try to be so busy that I’m run off my feet. Of course, I give myself time to relax, but even then, I’m active with things such as going on a relaxing stroll or getting lost in a book.
Everyone is so focused on themselves these days, it’s hard not to be depressed. Because depression only ceases when you look outside yourself. But the mind caves in on itself when it becomes too self-focused.
Anyway, this is just what helps me.
But what do I know?
God bless.
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The Ancient statesman Seneca, who was a mentor to Emperor Nero (before Nero went crazy), was one of the wealthiest and most erudite men in Rome. Seneca is probably my favourite philosopher to read. Out of all the books I’ve read, his Letters From a Stoic is one of the most wisdom-laden texts I’ve ever come across.
Here’s what Seneca said about how people who are busy don’t fall victim to depression or melancholy.
And I paraphrase:
In ancient Rome, when soldiers would become undisciplined and disorderly, they were sent on mounted expeditions so that they could refocus their minds and gain a sense of order back in their lives.
Seneca also wrote:
“People who are really busy never have enough time to become skittish.”
And I agree with him. I feel the best when I’m busy with things I enjoy, but it’s when I’m idle and inactive that the inner demons in my mind begin to fester.
Yesterday I was busy all day. I read, wrote, went to church, went shopping and went for a walk. But towards the end of the night, I got a feeling of melancholy. So I decided to get up and do something productive to distract myself from these undesirable feelings.
So I decided to do some much-needed spring cleaning. I cleaned my whole house top to bottom and filled up four bin bags with useless items I haven’t used in years (and put them in the trash). And in doing so, I felt amazing, and I still do.
In the past, I’d try to subdue my feelings in a futile manner by doomscrolling on TikTok or YouTube. Now I know that when I get these feelings of melancholy, I need to stay busy by doing things such as:
Cleaning my house.
Reading and writing.
Going on walks.
Working out.
Cook a nice homemade meal.
Call a friend or family member.
Go for a walk in nature.
You see, if you stay busy doing things that benefit you, you’ll have no reason to feel melancholy.
If you start to feel even a bit anxious or irritable, go and do something
This is my go-to strategy to protect my mental health. And I can’t think of a single occasion when it’s let me down.
The reason this is so effective is that most of the feelings of melancholy, anxiety, and depression are caused by overthinking and result in the mind caving in on itself, so to speak. But when we become immersed in activities that benefit us, we remove all temptation to indulge melancholic thoughts and feelings. Essentially, we’re able to subdue them in a healthy way. And if you practice doing this long enough, then melancholic feelings will be nothing more than a fleeting feeling that you never indulge.
Anyway, this is what helps me.
I hope you can take something away from it.
Humans are meant to do stuff
I remember reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, and he would frequently remind himself that nature, i.e., the ants, the bees, etc., are busy putting the world in order, but humans struggle to even get out of bed.
As a rule of thumb, the more you do, the more alive you will feel. And the more idle you are, the more dead you will feel. Because to me, that’s what too much leisure feels like.
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The other day, I came across a question on Quora about how to get rid of the feeling of being jealous and envious, and in reality, it’s impossible to get rid of it completely, but it is possible to manage feelings of jealousy and envy and actually use them to take you forward.
How I deal with Jealousy and envy
I try to look at jealousy in a positive manner. For example, if I’m jealous or envious, I know my body is telling me what I value in someone else.
For example, I’m jealous and envious of a lot of writers, which tells me I want to be like them.
So many people lose track of what things they value in life; jealousy and envy can actually tell us what we value and serve a helpful function.
Jealousy and envy also give me motivation
When I’m jealous or envious, I want something someone else has, whether it’s a similar level of erudition or a career like theirs.
I think to myself when I feel envious: if these people can achieve amazing things, then why can’t I?
Because no one is uniquely special, and we all pretty much have equal opportunity in the West.
This brings to mind some wisdom by Roman Emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius:
“Not to assume it’s impossible because you find it hard. But to recognize that if it’s humanly possible, you can do it too.”
Whenever I’m jealous or envious of someone, I try to remember Marcus’s advice.
What happens when you can’t turn jealousy into a positive force to take you forward?
If you find your jealousy and envy are becoming toxic, then I recommend you practice gratitude.
When jealousy really affects us, we feel inferior to others and as if we are lacking in our lives.
To prevent feeling this way, I recommend making a note of five things you are grateful for every day.
For example, five things I’m grateful for are:
My health.
A roof over my head.
The ability to write content online and help people.
Money in the bank.
Having a job I enjoy.
You see, when we’re really grateful for what we have, we don’t feel like we lack anything.
Look at all the amazing things you have in your life and how upset you’d be if you didn’t have them
Most of us in the world are living better now than humans ever have. Most of us have clean drinking water, a roof over our heads, a family that loves us and more opportunities to succeed beyond our wildest dreams than ever before in history.
Compare the perks of today compared to times gone by, and you’ll realise you’re living in a world of abundance and opportunity.
Use jealousy and envy to give yourself a kick up the backside
I see many of my friends in happy romantic relationships with their partners, some of them are even married and have kids.
And truth be told, I’m jealous of them because I’d like to have a wife and kids of my own someday, whenever I find the right woman.
When I see my friends doing well in life, I think “Wow, I really need to sort my life out.” So I use this bittersweet feeling of jealousy to drive me forward and become better (at least I try to).
And even with my writing, some of the writers I look up to are extremely prolific, and when I see them writing for years on end and never giving up their craft, I’m jealous of them, and I use this fact as motivation to become a more prolific writer and never stop practising my craft.
One of the downsides of Jealousy, even when you use it in a healthy way, is that comparison will steal your joy
I remember reading a story about former Metallica member Dave Mustaine, who, after getting sacked by Metallica, formed the band Megadeth and could never be happy. Even though his band was ultra successful, it wasn’t enough for him because jealousy and resentment tore him apart, because no matter how successful he was going to be, his band would never be as successful as Metallica and never was.
God/ the universe has a plan for you
You have been put on this planet for a mission to fulfil something only you can. Use jealousy to drive you forward if you can, but never lose yourself in it. Because I know it’s trite to say, but I’m going to say it anyway:
It’s only you against you; all that matters is that you’re getting a tiny bit better and closer towards your goal every day, because doing this will result in huge improvements in the long run. A bit like how compound interest in your investments can give you a sizeable nest egg in the long run, compounding your skills has the same effect.
Another way to think about jealousy
If you’re jealous because someone has everything you want in life. Yes, you’re jealous of what they’ve achieved, but are you jealous of who they are?
For example, someone can seem like they have everything on the surface, but in reality, they feel awful spiritually, they have no friends, and when you look at their life, it’s really not enviable at all.
You can’t live any other life than the one you’re living now, so make yours a good one. You can’t swap your life for someone else’s, and would you really like to be someone else if you could? I wouldn’t. I’m happy being me, and I’m guessing you’re happy being you, and if you’re not, do something about it.
Stay away from Jealous people
We generally adopt behaviours and attitudes from the people we spend the most time with, and when I had an ex-girlfriend who was easily roused to jealousy, it made me slightly more roused to it, although nowhere near as much as how jealous and envious she was.
I’ll tell you a quick story to show you how far jealousy and envy can go when not controlled healthily.
A couple of years ago, when I was in a shopping centre with my ex-girlfriend, I looked at an advertisement board with a petite woman on it, and I said to my ex girlfriend, “Shes too skinny” and her reaction was one of rage and uproar she whacked me in the chest and looked at me as if she was going to kill me.
This was the first of many incidents like this. When the relationship ended, my spirit felt at peace again, and that feeling has never left. The lesson is to only get in relationships and friendships with people who make you feel at peace spiritually, because if they don’t make you feel spiritually at peace, they will almost certainly degrade you.
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No.1 – Go for a 30-minute stroll outside to blow the cobwebs away.
No.2 – Read books that you’re curious about, you won’t feel depressed when you follow your curiosities, trust me.
No.3 – Workout, there’s no better feeling than getting those endorphins flowing.
No.4 – Journal, write down how you feel so you can get to the root of your problems and solve them.
No.5 – Go to talking therapy; a good therapist can help you untangle your mental knots and help you solve deep-seated issues.
No.6 – Go to church, I always feel like a new person after I’ve been to church MASS. It helps keep me grounded as well as following Catholicism as a whole.
No.7 – Spend time with family and friends. There’s no better feeling than having a belly laugh with family and friends.
No.8 – Start a creative project. I’m a believer that expression is the opposite of depression, and spending time on a creative pursuit can help you get out of your head and become present.
No.9 – Pray, I personally pray 3 times per day, and it helps me get out of my mind and focus on something outside myself, and that something is God.
No.10 – Stop doing things that make you feel like crap, like doom-scrolling social media, watching adult content, and losing your temper. Feel better by subtracting your bad habits from your life (you don’t always need to add habits to your life).
No.11 – Take a holiday because you might be burnt out. Just like the body gets physically tired and run down, so can the mind, so be sure to rest it and give it some downtime to recover.
No.12 – Start being grateful for all the good things in your life. For example, I’m grateful for a roof over my head, money in the bank, supportive friends and family, and the ability to help people all over the world by writing on Quora. When you stop and pay attention, life is pretty wonderful.
No.13 – Get a hold on your addictions. Being addicted to anything can cause us to be left in heavy chains. For example, the person who is morbidly obese is addicted to food and is destroying their health. They can’t switch the addiction button off; they’re trapped. I’m a firm believer that we can all beat our addictions. Reach out to a therapist if you need to, just make sure you break away from the heavy chains of addiction before the addictions break you.
No.14 – Don’t spend time with people who drag you down. I remember reading Montaigne, and he talks about a time when a Doctor got him to spend time with a sick old man when Montaigne was in his youth. Doing so made the sick old man feel better (being surrounded by youth), but it didn’t make Montaigne feel better. The point is: yes, help people if you can; love thy neighbour as thyself; but it’s good to be aware of when people drain the life out of you.
No.15 – Stop focusing on things outside your control. You can’t do anything about them, so stop focusing on them; you’ll only suffer.
I hope these tips help. Life is not good when you’re depressed. I’ve been there, and I guarantee everyone has felt melancholy at times its part of the human experience. Just get better at dealing with it. I feel I certainly have got better at dealing with it over time.
Try getting up early, going to the gym, working a full day, and filling your leisure time with projects (like writing projects)/ time with friends and family, and tell me if you feel depressed.
I promise you won’t feel depressed at all.
You see, humans are meant to engage with the world.
We’re not meant to be lazy couch potatoes.
The busier you are, the more you’re in a flow state
As of writing this post, I’m in a flow state. I’m completely focused on writing and am thus fully immersed in the present moment.
When we’re fully immersed in the present moment, it’s impossible to feel depressed or anxious.
When we stay busy with things we enjoy, we open ourselves up to experiencing a flow state.
Activities that help me get into a flow state
As I’ve already mentioned, writing helps me get into a flow state, so does reading, working out, listening to music, going on walks, skiing, spending time with friends and family, having good conversations and watching a good TV series or film.
I recommend you get involved in flow states that help others, and also help you make money
I love writing because when I write something helpful, others benefit, and it makes me feel good. I can also get paid for it by writing books, etc.
If writing isn’t your thing, then maybe make videos. The key is to choose a medium you enjoy.
Look after your health
I had wrist surgery twice in the space of a year, and it’s safe to say that that was the most mentally challenging period of my life. I had chronic wrist pain, and there was nothing I could do about it.
If you focus on being healthy, i.e., don’t get injured (or minimise the risk as much as possible), make sure you eat healthily and are at a healthy body weight and exercise, you’ll instantly feel better in yourself compared to if you were unhealthy.
The body and the mind are inseparable. When we look after our bodies, our minds benefit.
Get good sleep and have a consistent sleeping pattern
I started feeling so much better mentally when I sorted my sleeping pattern out, and here’s how I did it:
The main reason I find it so easy to get up early and go to bed early now is that I make sure I eat all my meals for the day by 6-7pm.
This was a game-changer for me because I always used to eat really late at night, sometimes past 9pm. It affected my sleep because my body was still digesting food, and I felt bloated when I went to bed.
This tip isn’t spoken about much, but it really helps me. Try eating earlier, and I bet you’ll find it easier to sleep at night.
When I looked into the science behind why this works, I learned that it’s best to align our eating patterns with our circadian rhythm.
What this means is that you eat your meals from when the sun comes up to when it goes down because in hunter-gatherer times we would have only been awake when it was light and we would have slept when it was dark. Because there wouldn’t have been all the artificial lighting that there is today.
It’s amazing how much better you feel physically and mentally when you get your sleeping pattern in order.
Go to church
I’m in the process of becoming Catholic, and following the Catholic faith has helped me feel so much better about myself than I ever thought possible.
I no longer hold onto grudges, and I’m much more forgiving.
I try to serve God and others more.
I love the peace I feel when I go to church mass.
I also love the discipline that daily prayer gives me.
Last week I went to my first Catholic confession, and I felt better instantly
We, humans, have a tendency to hang on to the past. I know I did. Sometimes I would get thoughts pop into my mind, like, ‘Why did you do that, you idiot,’ or I’d feel guilt for some of the times I hadn’t lived up to my own standards (we all make mistakes, we’re not perfect).
When I went to confession, I repented my sins, and upon leaving the confession booth, I felt like a giant weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I carried this weight for years, and now I’d finally let go. My life now feels like a clean slate.
Catholicism has changed my life for the better. I recommend that everyone at least explore Catholicism. I’ve never felt as good in my life as I do now, and it’s because I’m a practising Catholic.
My friend, all of this anxiety and lack of confidence is arising because you’re trying too hard.
What helps me especially when I speak to a crowd or read something out loud to a group of people is to focus on everyone else and on the words I’m saying, but I try not to focus on myself.
Try to become as present in the moment as possible and focus on one word at a time.
A similar thing happened to me with my writing
I used to suffer from writer’s block, and I found it extremely hard to write words on the page. It wasn’t until I stopped trying to write the perfect sentence that the words started flowing from my fingertips.
One of my favourite quotes
“It is not possible to have fun when you try.” – Nassim Taleb
I love this quote because when we try hard to do things, we become just that, a try-hard, and our output seems forced and overcooked.
I know it might seem like very basic advice to not try, but life becomes much more fun when you stop trying, trust me, and follow my lead on this. I guarantee you’ll come to the same conclusions as I.
Think about all the best times you’ve had in your life
I bet these times have occurred when you’re not trying, and you’re completely immersed in the moment, not thinking about yourself.
I’ve experienced some of the best feelings when I’ve been in a flow state while writing, skiing, and having good conversations with friends or reading a good book.
The goal you need to aspire to is to be humble
Many people misinterpret what it means to be humble. A common misconception is that being humble means to think less of yourself, which it doesn’t mean at all; instead, being humble means:
Thinking of yourself less.
The ultimate reason we get anxiety, depression, and become chronic overthinkers is that we focus too much on ourselves, and we become too prideful.
When people suffer from depression or negative thought patterns, their self-dialogue is very much self-focused. It’s common for people to say things like the following to themselves:
“I hate my life.”
“I wish I didn’t do that.”
“I’m not good enough.”
“No one likes me.”
“What if I look like a fool?”
The ultimate remedy is to forget about yourself. Forget about your ego; it doesn’t matter.
I always try to imagine the worst situation, and I always realise that it isn’t that bad
When I was in college, around 10 years ago, I was quaking in my boots at the thought of giving a presentation.
But then I thought, “What’s the worst that can happen? People might laugh at me, I might make a few blunders, but whatever happens, I will learn and grow from it and at the end of the day, even if I completely mess it up, I’ll still be alive and breathing, so however the presentation goes, it doesn’t really matter. Do your best.”
So I did the presentation, and I was congratulated by my teachers regarding the fact that it came out really well.
I’ll finish this post with some wisdom from the Stoic philosopher Epictetus that I try to live by:
“If you wish to improve, be content to appear clueless or stupid in extraneous matters.”
And remember, expression is the opposite of depression. Express yourself in as many ways as possible. You’ll forget to think about your mental health. Because you’ll be so enthralled in whatever you’re engaged in.
3. Work on yourself to become the best version of yourself possible.
4. Put your time into your hobbies and passions.
5. Accept your complicated feelings of loss and grief. It’s normal and will get better with time.
6. Don’t get back into a relationship straight away. You’ll probably only get with them out of neediness and infatuation, not love.
7. Realise that the relationship has ended for a reason. If one person doesn’t want to be in a relationship with the other, it’s unfair for both parties because no one wants to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with them, and no one should feel forced to be in an unhappy relationship.
8. Cry if you have to.
9. Learn from it. This experience will make you stronger. Like the hydra, one of your heads has been cut off (figuratively speaking), and many more will grow back, so you’re even stronger.
10. Go to talking therapy if you feel it will help. I’m currently going through therapy now. And I find it’s helping.
11. Spend time with friends and family.
12. Do things you enjoy. When you’re engaged in something you enjoy, negative feelings will disappear for some time. It’s impossible to feel depressed when you’re fully engaged and enjoy what you’re doing.
13. Get out of the house, go for walks, work out at the gym, and run if you like.
14. Get out of your comfort zone, try new experiences, etc. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend in September, and I’m thinking about going on a solo holiday soon.
15. Remember, nothing can happen that isn’t natural.
17. Many people have gotten through tough times like this and if we can you can to.
16. This is all part of God’s plan. You’re built to get through it.
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