Hello friend, I recently wrote an answer to a Quora question.
And the answer did well, so I thought I would share it here.
Here is the exact breakdown of my Quora answer to the question:
What is the best piece of advice you could give someone about life?
“Life is about execution rather than purpose.” – Nassim Taleb. (The picture is of Nassim).
I know I’m writing this post, and you’re reading it, but this isn’t how you truly learn. You learn by doing, by trial and error. But we live in a world where we read and watch videos far more than we do.
Doing shouldn’t supplement reading; reading should supplement doing.
So go out in the world, try different jobs, try different experiences and even write about them to learn more about how they made you feel and how they did or didn’t help you. I use writing as a tool for self-exploration.
If I didn’t try writing, I would have never found my passion
I love writing, and it’s something I will do for the rest of my life, no matter what occupation I’m in. I just love the flow state writing puts me in, and I love how I can help an unlimited number of people from a single post I write.
I was also curious about religion, so I spoke to a priest and started practising Catholicism, and now I’m fully Catholic. And it’s had an amazing impact on my life; it now feels full of meaning and has structure and order to it, but if I had never gone and spoken to the priest, I would have never experienced the benefits like I am now.
I’ve followed this advice with the jobs I’ve had
I’ve been a pot washer at KFC, a volunteer policeman, a pizza delivery man and even worked in financial services. Each experience has taught me about what I do and don’t like in the world of work.
We don’t gain wisdom by doing nothing; we gain it from making mistakes and learning from them. Sometimes I look back at myself from 10 years ago, and I think to myself, “wow, I was such an idiot”, and you might think it’s bad and negative that I talk to myself like that, but I don’t see it that way. I see it as a clear sign I’ve grown.
My worst fear
I don’t want to be the guy who never does or experiences anything new in life and is still stuck in the dead-end job that he was in in his early 20s. We can learn just as much from people we don’t want to be like as from the people we do want to be like.
Another quote from Nassim Taleb that I love
“It is not possible to have fun when you try.”
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When you come across mental health advice these days, it’s common to see advice peddled such as do box breathing, start meditation, or write down five things you’re grateful for every day, and yes, these methods can have their place, but I’ve found the best antidote for feelings of melancholy is to do one thing, and it’s very simple:
Stay busy.
Try getting up early, going to the gym, working a full day, and filling your leisure time with projects (like writing projects)/ time with friends and family, and tell me if you feel depressed.
I promise you won’t feel depressed at all.
You see, humans are meant to engage with the world.
We’re not meant to be lazy couch potatoes.
The busier you are, the more you’re in a flow state
As of writing this post, I’m in a flow state. I’m completely focused on writing and am thus fully immersed in the present moment.
When we’re fully immersed in the present moment, it’s impossible to feel depressed or anxious.
When we stay busy with things we enjoy, we open ourselves up to experiencing a flow state.
Activities that help me get into a flow state
As I’ve already mentioned, writing helps me get into a flow state, so does reading, working out, listening to music, going on walks, skiing, spending time with friends and family, having good conversations and watching a good TV series or film.
I recommend you get involved in flow states that help others, and also help you make money
I love writing because when I write something helpful, others benefit, and it makes me feel good. I can also get paid for it by writing books, etc.
If writing isn’t your thing, then maybe make videos. The key is to choose a medium you enjoy.
Don’t forget to look after your health to rid feelings of melancholy
I had wrist surgery twice in the space of a year, and it’s safe to say that that was the most mentally challenging period of my life. I had chronic wrist pain, and there was nothing I could do about it.
If you focus on being healthy, i.e., don’t get injured (or minimise the risk as much as possible), make sure you eat healthily and are at a healthy body weight and exercise, you’ll instantly feel better in yourself compared to if you were unhealthy.
The body and the mind are inseparable. When we look after our bodies, our minds benefit.
Get good sleep and have a consistent sleeping pattern
I started feeling so much better mentally when I sorted my sleeping pattern out, and here’s how I did it:
The main reason I find it so easy to get up early and go to bed early now is that I make sure I eat all my meals for the day by 6-7pm.
This was a game-changer for me because I always used to eat really late at night, sometimes past 9pm. It affected my sleep because my body was still digesting food, and I felt bloated when I went to bed.
This tip isn’t spoken about much, but it really helps me. Try eating earlier, and I bet you’ll find it easier to sleep at night.
When I looked into the science behind why this works, I learned that it’s best to align our eating patterns with our circadian rhythm.
What this means is that you eat your meals from when the sun comes up to when it goes down because in hunter-gatherer times we would have only been awake when it was light and we would have slept when it was dark. Because there wouldn’t have been all the artificial lighting that there is today.
It’s amazing how much better you feel physically and mentally when you get your sleeping pattern in order.
Stay busy by going to church
I’m in the process of becoming Catholic, and following the Catholic faith has helped me feel so much better about myself than I ever thought possible.
I no longer hold onto grudges, and I’m much more forgiving.
I try to serve God and others more.
I love the peace I feel when I go to church mass.
I also love the discipline that daily prayer gives me.
The other week, I went to my first Catholic confession, and I felt better instantly
We, humans, have a tendency to hang on to the past. I know I did. Sometimes I would get thoughts pop into my mind, like, ‘Why did you do that, you idiot,’ or I’d feel guilt for some of the times I hadn’t lived up to my own standards (we all make mistakes, we’re not perfect).
When I went to confession, I repented my sins, and upon leaving the confession booth, I felt like a giant weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I carried this weight for years, and now I’d finally let go. My life now feels like a clean slate.
Catholicism has changed my life for the better. I recommend that everyone at least explore Catholicism. I’ve never felt as good in my life as I do now, and it’s because I’m a practising Catholic.
Do this now
Anytime you feel even the slightest bit melancholic, go and do something, such as going for a walk, going to the gym, reading a book, or doing some chores in the house. Whatever it is, go and do something productive that benefits you.
Recently, I noticed that on some evenings I was getting in my head too much, and it was making me feel down, so I’ve started going to weekly Catholic masses, and going to them makes me feel much better in myself.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, but the devil makes good use of idle hands, and if you don’t be intentional with your time and do things that benefit you, the devil will use you for his purposes, so to speak, and vices and sin will creep into your life.
When have you been the happiest in your life?
For me, it’s when I’m so immersed in different activities that I stop thinking about myself. And I’ve found it’s almost impossible to be happy when you’re self-conscious. So I try to be so busy that I’m run off my feet. Of course, I give myself time to relax, but even then, I’m active with things such as going on a relaxing stroll or getting lost in a book.
Everyone is so focused on themselves these days, it’s hard not to be depressed. Because depression only ceases when you look outside yourself. But the mind caves in on itself when it becomes too self-focused.
Anyway, this is just what helps me.
But what do I know?
God bless.
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I’m in the process of becoming Catholic and will get confirmed into the Catholic Church in a couple of weeks’ time. Since I’ve been praying 3 x per day and going to Catholic mass every week, I’ve felt much better in myself, I’ve felt calmer, more forgiving and more at peace.
I work from home, so going to church and being with people is a great way to get out of the house. Going to Catholic mass after a long day at work is also a great thing to do because it helps me relax and feel more at peace.
In a chaotic, unpredictable world, practising Catholicism has been a nice refuge against the complexity of life.
In Catholicism, one of the sacraments is called the Sacrament of Reconciliation, also called confession, and as part of becoming Catholic and being a practising Catholic in general, you need to go to confession and repent your sins.
You might be wondering, “Why do I need to go to confession and repent my sins? I’m a good person—I’ve never even been to jail!” I have no doubt that you, and most people, have good hearts. But the truth is, we all make mistakes, we all do things we shouldn’t have done, and we’re all flawed—even the most perfect person on the planet has their imperfections.
I went into the confession booth with my priest and repented my sins
I’ve never been to jail and overall have been a good law-abiding citizen. But at the same time, I’ve committed each of the seven deadly sins and broken some of the 10 commandments (thankfully not the most serious ones, otherwise I’d be in jail).
Anyway, I deeply recognise the value of confession because even if we look at it from a secular sense, it acts a bit like therapy.
For example, in my life, I’ve made many mistakes I’ve regretted and even regretted many of the things I’ve failed to do. Sometimes in the past, these mistakes I’ve made, and sins I’ve committed, have popped into my head, making me feel such guilt.
Going to confession was a bit like going to talking therapy (I also see a talking therapist every couple of months) because I got all the mistakes and wrongs I’ve committed off my chest, and my local priest gave me some advice on how to make amends for what I’ve done, then he absolved me of my sins completely.
I left the confession booth feeling like a new person and still do
When you confess your sins, you’re absolved of them, and you get a spiritual feeling of receiving grace. I left the church feeling amazing. It was like spring cleaning, but for my soul, it felt all properly ordered again and still does.
Not only do I feel good because my sins have been absolved, but I also feel like a more forgiving person. Because the priest forgives me of my sins, I feel more like paying it forward and forgiving other people who have wronged me.
This reminds me of Matthew 6:14:
“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father also will forgive you; but if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
Forgiveness is underrated
If you’re not Catholic, I recommend you explore the faith because I’ve felt the best spiritually in the past year and a half of practising Catholicism than I have in my whole life.
But even if you don’t want to explore the Catholic faith, I recommend you practice forgiveness. It will fill you with such peace and will improve your spiritual life immensely. You’ll also be less harsh on yourself when you make mistakes or blunder/ do something you regret.
Because a lot of the time, how we treat others is identical to how we treat ourselves.
Don’t believe me? Try this
One of my favourite books ever is Marcus Aurelius ‘ Meditations. Marcus was the Emperor of Rome and was also a Stoic philosopher. Marcus was also head of the Roman religion at the time (as Emperors were). Meditations is the diary of Marcus Aurelius that he wrote when battling the Germanic tribes, dealing with the Antonine plague and also dealing with the many tough moments that being in charge of the largest empire in the world entails.
Stoicism is popular these days, but many people don’t see how erudite the Stoics were, especially Marcus Aurelius, who would have had the best education available at a time when some of the wisest and most erudite philosophers were around.
And that’s why I study Meditations because every time I do, I’m learning how to think like one of the best rulers to ever live and one of the most erudite people ever.
Marcus constantly goes back to the same idea in Meditations that when we help others, we help ourselves, and when we hurt others, we hurt ourselves.
So I’ll drive the point home:
By forgiving others, you will be forgiven and be absolved from the guilt you feel for any wrongs you have committed. Forgiving others is an inherently good thing to do. And when we’re good to others, we’re good to ourselves.
Never forget this principle.
Write it on post-it notes and stick them on every wall in every room of your house.
Anyway, this is just my experience, and I hope you can take something away from it.
But what do I know?
God bless.
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Several months ago, I watched a video from my Grandma and Grandpa’s wedding day. The footage was from the 1950s.
Sadly, my grandparents have passed away, but watching this footage got me thinking, “Life is so short.”
I think it’s crucial to remind ourselves about the shortness of life.
Because many people make the mistake of acting like they’re going to live forever.
If you act like you’re going to live forever, you live with no sense of urgency. It’s this sense of urgency that drives us forward. Better to harness it to make the most of your life.
In this article, I aim to show you how brief life is, so you can make the most of the time you’ve been given—not squander it.
A lesson on living from a Roman Emperor
“Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now take what’s left and live it properly.”- Marcus Aurelius, Stoic Roman Emperor
I remember first reading this quote in Marcus Aurelius’ diary called Meditations, and I instantly saw how useful it was.
When you deeply realise you’re going to die at some point, you realise it’s the ultimate deadline.
Being alive is a gift; if we don’t live our lives properly now, when will we?
How I live life properly
I agree with what Christianity and Stoicism (the prevalent philosophy in ancient Rome) say about living.
Here are the tenets of how I try to live properly.
Live virtuously, in other words, be a good, noble person. If you follow the cardinal virtues such as wisdom, courage, temperance and justice, you’ll be living virtuously.
Focus on what you have control over, pray for what you don’t.
Love others as you love yourself.
Help others in a way that matches your unique talents. To serve the common good is divine.
Don’t let what happens affect you. Nothing can happen that isn’t natural.
Advice from a Holocaust survivor
“Live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now!’’ Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor and psychologist.
Life is no dress rehearsal. We get one chance at living; if we don’t live this one properly, it will be gone forever.
That’s why it’s vitally important to live in such a way that, on our final day, we can go in peace.
In the book, The Top Five Regrets Of The Dying, by palliative care worker Bronnie Ware, she said one of the main regrets that people have on their deathbeds is:
“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me”.
This advice taught me that I need to pursue a life and vocation that makes me intrinsically happy. I say ‘vocation’ because most people spend most of their waking hours at work.
Where I’m from, every man and his father works in factories; there’s nothing wrong with that if that’s what someone wants to do.
But it wasn’t for me, so I quit my job and faced significant backlash from friends and coworkers. People said, “You’re silly for leaving a stable job.” I cared a bit, but not enough to make the same mistake twice and work another factory job because that’s what people expected of me.
I tried different jobs, like retail and a police officer, but they weren’t right either.
Now I work in the financial services industry, which I enjoy and feel valued in, and it gives me time to pursue my hobbies, like writing on the side.
If you feel like you’re living your life wrongly, there’s a good chance you aren’t listening to your gut. Journal what you’re feeling down, heck, go to therapy if you need to. Just make sure you get to a point where you’re intrinsically satisfied with life, and not living it based on others’ expectations. I found talking therapy to be invaluable.
Memento Mori
Memento Mori is Latin for “Remember you must die.” I know many people don’t want to think about death and find it uncomfortable, but that’s not how I see it.
I Memento Mori so I can Memento Vivere (which is Latin for remember to live).
I remember that I am mortal, so I can Carpe Diem (which is Latin for seize the day).
Without reminding myself of the ultimate deadline (death), I find it harder to seize the day.
Memento Mori gives me the push I need to live the life God or the universe planned for me.
Compare death with submitting an essay on time
Without a deadline, you would never submit your college/ university essay.
Without reminding yourself of the ultimate deadline, death, you’ll never find the urgency to live the life God or the universe planned for you.
This is why many people experience mid-life crises: they realise they’ve been climbing the ladder of success against the wrong wall, having never stopped to choose the right ladder. There was no urgency to.
The late Psychologist Carl Jung said the following in Man’s Search For a Soul:
“About a third of my cases are suffering from no clinically definable neurosis, but from the senseless and emptiness of their lives. It seems to me, however, that this can well be described as the general neurosis of our time. Fully two thirds of my patients have passed middle age.”
These words were published in 1933, but I think we’re still struggling with the same neurosis—the neurosis of our time.
“We need to set our affections on some good man and keep him constantly before our eyes, so that we may live as if he were watching us and do everything as if he saw what we were doing.” – Seneca the Younger
Who inspires you? Who morally do you respect and admire?
These are important questions because when we have a benchmark against which to measure ourselves, we are more likely to achieve success than if we have no points of reference.
Whatever you do, don’t measure yourself against a bent ruler.
The people whose character we should try to imitate are people who embody virtues.
For example, Christians aim to be Christ-like and measure themselves up against Jesus Christ.
The Stoics aim to embody good character and good deeds through practising virtues such as self-control, courage, justice and honesty.
Prominent Stoics were Marcus Aurelius, Seneca and Epictetus.
Benjamin Franklin also aimed to live a virtuous life ( so he can be a good role model for benchmarking one’s character against).
Also, in Christianity, the saints are good examples of good character.
You may have people in your life that you admire and aim to model certain character traits in yourself.
When you admire a character trait in someone else, aim to cultivate that in yourself.
For example, if you’re jealous of someone’s erudition, temperance, etc., that’s a clear sign that you should cultivate those traits in your character.
Alternatively, when we dislike something about someone’s character, we also dislike that in ourselves.
The aim is to model our behaviours from people who embody virtue.
And if they can embody virtue, we can learn from them to live virtuous, worthwhile, effective lives.
The ultimate goal is to live a saintly or virtuous life; all other achievements are byproducts of this.
To live an immorally wicked life with no sense of virtue leads to a life full of pain.
There are plenty of examples out there of this. You don’t have to look far.
The key to human flourishing is living a virtuous life.
Do you want to flourish?
The singer Bob Dylan wrote a song called You’ve Got to Serve Somebody.
Bob is a Christian, and he chose to serve god.
When you serve God honestly, you aim to live your life by following virtues rather than vices. (Look up the seven heavenly virtues and the seven deadly sins.)
So by following god, you essentially serve virtues and aim to limit vices.
If you have no sense of who you’re serving, you’re probably serving the wrong things.
P.S. You don’t have to be religious to live a virtuous life.
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This quote is one that Seneca quotes (from an unknown poet) in Letters from a Stoic, though Seneca’s original quote is:
“a man is unhappy, though he reigns the world over, if he does not consider himself supremely happy.”
And I think Seneca is absolutely correct.
If we cannot be happy with our lot in life now, when can we be?
I guarantee that if you say, “I’m happy when I get this car or this house, etc., “ when you get what you want, the goal posts will move even more.
“What a shame it is to get what we wanted”. – anonymous
I heard the above quote somewhere, yet I can’t remember the source.
But it points to the fact that we tend to vastly overestimate how we will feel when we achieve a given goal.
Seneca also talks about how the best part of a work of art is the painting and not the underwhelming feeling of it being finished and then moving on to the next piece of artwork.
Finishing anything is such a small part of the whole process.
Seneca also wrote that when children are raised, seeing them flourish in the world as adults is pleasant, but it’s a byproduct of raising and caring for them in infancy.
And that it’s the raising and caring for children in their infant years that is looked upon most fondly ( I hear this echoed amongst many parents).
The Takeaway is that we should be happy with what we have. Yes, it’s fine to have goals and strive for them, but chronically being unhappy with your lot in life and always wanting more is a disease.
We should care more about sowing and less about reaping.
Things can always be better, but they can also be worse. If we want peace, we need to think of the latter.
A quick story:
Almost a year ago, I had wrist surgery to repair torn cartilage.
For the first six months after surgery, all was going well, then as I was pulling my car door (which I’ve done many times after surgery), I felt a pull and as a consequence pain in my wrist.
This pain has continued even while I write these words, and it’s looking ever more likely I’ll need to undergo wrist surgery again.
I’ve been feeling down in the dumps and repeating in my mind, “I just want my wrist to be normal again”.
But this has been making me suffer more.
So, I’ve thought to myself, “There is always someone worse off than me.”
I think of the poor children in Gaza, god bless them, who are suffering unimaginable horror and going through much worse than I.
When I think about my injury in this context, it’s made my wrist pain much more sufferable.
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Stoic Philosopher and Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius’s Equestrian Statue ( A Picture From My Trip To Rome)
If you’ve spent much time on the internet, you’ll know that stoicism has become popular over the past several years.
And it’s for a good reason: Stoicism is full of time-tested wisdom that will always be relevant.
So if you’re interested in philosophy and how to live better, look no further than Stoicism.
The following quotes are from the three most influential figures of Stoicism:
Marcus Aurelius 121-180 AD (a Stoic philosopher and Roman emperor).
Seneca The Younger 4 BC – 65 AD ( Roman statesman, stoic philosopher and mentor to Nero and was also ordered to commit suicide by Nero. Seneca is regarded as one of the wealthiest people in ancient Rome).
Epictetus 50 AD- 135 AD ( A former slave and Stoic philosopher).
11 Stoic Quotes That Will Make You Invincible
“ It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters” – Epictetus
“ Choose not to be harmed—and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed—and you haven’t been.” Marcus Aurelius
“It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it.” – Seneca The Younger
“Being poor is not having too little, it is wanting more.”-Seneca The Younger
“At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: “I have to go to work—as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for—the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?” —But it’s nicer here.… So you were born to feel “nice”? Instead of doing things and experiencing them? Don’t you see the plants, the birds, the ants and spiders and bees going about their individual tasks, putting the world in order, as best they can? And you’re not willing to do your job as a human being? Why aren’t you running to do what your nature demands? —But we have to sleep sometime.… Agreed. But nature set a limit on that—as it did on eating and drinking. And you’re over the limit. You’ve had more than enough of that. But not of working. There you’re still below your quota. You don’t love yourself enough. Or you’d love your nature too, and what it demands of you. People who love what they do wear themselves down doing it, they even forget to wash or eat. Do you have less respect for your own nature than the engraver does for engraving, the dancer for the dance, the miser for money or the social climber for status? When they’re really possessed by what they do, they’d rather stop eating and sleeping than give up practicing their arts. Is helping others less valuable to you? Not worth your effort?” – Marcus Aurelius
“The best revenge is not to be like that” Marcus Aurelius.
“ Certainly, the greater the mob with which we mingle, the greater the danger.” Seneca The Younger
“ It is not events that disturb people, it is their judgements concerning them” Epictetus
“Invest in good actions. Things can be taken away from us—not good deeds and acts of virtue,” – Seneca The Younger
“Ignoring what goes on in other people’s souls—no one ever came to grief that way. But if you won’t keep track of what your own soul’s doing, how can you not be unhappy?“- Marcus Aurelius
“Concentrate every minute like a Roman—like a man—on doing what’s in front of you with precise and genuine seriousness, tenderly, willingly, with justice. And on freeing yourself from all other distractions. Yes, you can—if you do everything as if it were the last thing you were doing in your life, and stop being aimless, stop letting your emotions override what your mind tells you, stop being hypocritical, self-centered, irritable. You see how few things you have to do to live a satisfying and reverent life? If you can manage this, that’s all even the gods can ask of you.” – Marcus Aurelius
My Hope For You
Reread each quote daily, take heed of this timeless wisdom that’s been around for two thousand years. I find myself, during times of struggle, repeatedly returning to stoicism.
In essence, life is easier with philosophy. Marcus describes it in Meditations: “not to think of philosophy as your instructor, but as the sponge and egg white that relieve ophthalmia—as a soothing ointment.”
Many nights after a stressful day, I’ve re-read chapters of Marcus Aurelius’s meditations, and all feels right with the world.
I also remind myself when things don’t go as expected “ nothing can happen to me that isn’t natural” a quote from Marcus Aurelius’s book Meditations.
In essence, Stoic philosophy provides a practical manual for living filled with heuristics (rule-of-thumb advice) on how to deal with life’s challenges.
I hope you find stoicism as helpful as I have.
If Stoicism is good enough to be practised by the Emperor of Rome, Marcus Aurelius, and so many others during the past two thousand years, then it’s good enough for you and me to practice.
If stoicism had not provided value, it would not have endured the test of time.
As a rule of thumb, time is the best BS detector; only the best survive.
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