1. The best meditation is walking meditation. It’s much more mentally and spiritually rewarding than sitting in a chair with your eyes closed for 20 minutes. Walking ceases to be meditation as soon as you start browsing your phone or listening to music/podcasts or audiobooks.
2. No matter how bad you might feel now, remember that everything in life eventually passes. So try not to get too happy or too sad, it won’t make a difference.
3. I love to read about the saints because a similar pattern emerges amongst many of them, they were down and out, then by giving their lives to Christ they become some of the best examples of what it means to be virtuous/holy. Saint Moses of Ethiopia was a gang leader who even murdered someone before giving up his life for Christ. By giving up your life to Christ, the impossible becomes possible.
4. Some things I regularly do to help boost my mood are , listen to Frank Sinatra, pray, write, and go on distraction-free walks.
5. I find monastic life deeply intriguing, for example, Saint Anthony the Great, the founder of monasticism, proved through his life and the other desert fathers’ lives that you can be happy and deeply fulfilled even with nothing from a material point of view.
6. You can easily determine the quality of your life by how alive you feel.
7. I gain much more value by reading the classics than I do from any commentary on the classics.
8. Trust the pilot when you board a plane, trust the surgeon when you have surgery. Trust the experts, you don’t always know best.
9. Modern yoga and flexibility/mobility shtick fails to realise that we humans shouldn’t aim for stretched-out, hypermobile muscles and joints, but strong ones that work through a functional range of motion.
10. Stay away from things that aren’t good for you, no matter how alluring they may seem at first.
11. The only way to understand yourself is through trial and error.
1. Sometimes thinking through things is the worst thing you can do. One remedy for this that has drastically changed my life is to simply trust my gut. Our bodies contain more wisdom than our minds.
2. If you try to rationalise religion by thinking it through, you’ll miss the point. You can’t put God into a box, writing and art only help us get some sort of glimmer of God. Don’t ruin the mystery of God by overthinking.
3. Your body contains thousands of years of evolutionary wisdom, when it tells you something listen to it.
4. Nothing of this world can truly make you happy, we humans have supernatural desires that require supernatural means. To believe in God is one of the most natural and human things you can do, humans have always believed in something throughout millennia.
5. If you can’t be happy here now, you won’t be happy anywhere else, because we carry ourselves with us.
6. Don’t let anybody tell you any different, most problems can be solved by a 15-30 minute power nap.
7. You have no obligation to treat someone like a king when they treat you poorly. Justice means treating people how they deserve to be treated, but make sure whatever you do, that you don’t become like them. Marcus Aurelius, the Stoic Roman Emperor, said: “The worst revenge is to be like that”.
8. Whatever occupation you choose, make sure it’s one where you truly help others. No BS jobs allowed.
9. Don’t be surprised to feel stressed if you never switch your mind off. Sitting in silence with your eyes closed for 20 minutes will do the job.
10. Don’t let the noise of the world kill your soul, keep your spirit childlike, and you’ll forever, as Frank Sinatra said, be “young at heart”.
11. Never get in debt, never be a slave to the lender.
12. When you learn to detach from your thoughts, you learn what true peace feels like.
13. Without philosophy and religion, humans are no different to animals.
14. We all need to work, make sure you choose a vocation instead of a job i.e., learn a trade/ specialised skill. Plumbers have been around for thousands of years, and so have physicians, office jobs haven’t and thus are fragile.
15. Three of the most underrated things in life are getting a good night’s sleep, eating a hearty dinner and being able to detach from your mind at any given moment.
16. Some people never detach from their minds so much so that it leads them to self-destruct, God bless their souls.
17. Don’t work too hard. Be efficient at work, but don’t try to be productive to no end. You don’t live to work, you work to live.
18. One sign that you’re in the wrong job is that it drains you of all your energy in and out of work.
19. Sins of the flesh are serious, i.e., greed and lust. But sins of the heart are far more serious, i.e., hate, arrogance, envy. The former is a human frailty; the latter is more of a choice.
20. When you try to use “tough love” on people, for many it won’t work. I’ve found that the best way to handle people is not to argue with them to get them to change their ways, but to be patient with them. Some people eventually do change, and some don’t, but at least your peace has been left intact. And remember, before you judge other people, first and foremost, make sure you’re perfect.
21. Having a poor memory is a great blessing. Don’t hold on to the past any more than is needed, the world changes fast.
22. Some people might drive you crazy but be patient with them, be kind. If Jesus can forgive his persecutors while being crucified, you can in your pampered life.
23. Never be heard complaining, not even to yourself, and if ever you get the urge, then thank God from the bottom of your heart for all you do have, and realise that your life could be much worse. Realise that all the good things could be taken away at a second’s notice, but haven’t, so enjoy them to the full.
24. Don’t make any more problems for yourself. Life is challenging enough even when everything is going well.
25. One day you’ll be dust, the life quenched within you. So enjoy heaven on earth while it lasts. But don’t turn it to hell on earth by going against your conscience.
26. Never stop believing in and trusting in God, because doing so helps us to believe and trust in ourselves, because God lives in all of us.
27. Stop being distracted by social media, make time to read books that have stood the test of time. Start with reading the Stoics. But as much as I love reading, remember that reading is worthless without doing anything in your own life. I’d much rather you never read anything but live well than be a nerd who sits alone in his room reading every book under the sun. Binge-reading the classics is better than binge-watching social media. But even better is actually keeping your feet on the ground and living life well. The goal of life is to be a doer, not a reader. But if reading helps you become a doer, then you’re reading properly.
28. Love whatever happens to you, it was meant to happen that way, since the beginning of time.
29. Writing ceases to be fun when you stop writing for yourself.
30. If you don’t enjoy someone’s company, don’t feel obliged to spend time with them to be “polite”.
31. It’s okay to play video games, but remember they’re built to be addictive. Saint Carlos Acutis advised that you play video games no more than two hours per week, that way you won’t be controlled by technology.
32. I know it can be difficult, but when you meet someone, see beyond their looks and instead look at their heart. Your heart is the most beautiful thing there is, especially when it is full of love.
33. Your mental and spiritual health will get better in direct proportion to how clean your house is. The cleaner and more orderly your house is, the better you’ll feel.
34. Life is short, but it can seem long if you live it properly. Long and well-lived.
35. I’ve never seen anything foster a greater sense of community than religion. Is it any surprise that more people are unhappier and lonelier than ever as people who practice religion decrease?
36. When you no longer let negative thoughts and feelings affect you, you become indomitable.
37. When you speak to someone, be sure to ask lots of open-ended questions and take an interest in them. People will talk all day about themselves, some people are very interesting, and it’s a pleasure to listen to them.
38. When you start to make yourself into a victim, i.e., the victim mentality, pause for a second and remember that the world doesn’t revolve around you. Don’t make the mistake of turning yourself into God.
39. One of your goals in life should be to love your life so much that you lose yourself in it. This is what I call humility in action. Not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less. When you start to think of yourself less, i.e., the perpetual “I” starts to disappear, most of your mental and spiritual suffering ceases.
1. Life is easy, get really good at a skill, get out in the world and socialise with people and above all, try to only spend a minority of your time in isolation. Man is a sociable being, and remember that ostracism is one of the cruellest punishments that can be inflicted upon someone. Make sure you don’t inflict it on yourself. Anything that cuts you off from the world harms you and also harms others. Because humans can be of no help solely in isolation. And look after yourself better, you’ll get better at looking after others. And remember, don’t think the worst in life, circumstances are rarely as bad as they seem. Lastly, just because you’re broken, it doesn’t mean you need to remain broken. Deal with life how it is, don’t extrapolate and overthink things, because if you do overthink everything, don’t be surprised to die 1000 small deaths. Remember that most people are too focused on their own lives to even consider what you’re doing, so don’t make yourself into the centre of the universe, because you won’t be happy with the outcome if you do.
2. Idolatry isn’t just about worshipping god/gods, it’s about putting other people’s opinions and even your own above god’s opinion of you. No matter how good or bad you think of yourself, remember that you do matter, otherwise you wouldn’t be here on this earth. Thinking too much of yourself is just as prideful as thinking too little of yourself. Everyone matters in their own unique way, but not above god, that’s why you should never give too much credence to what you think of yourself or even what others think of you. Because from dust we came and to dust we will return, yet God is eternal.
3. One benefit of prayer and religious music is that they can act as a spiritual shield against all sin and evil. To understand where I’m coming from, listen to the Orthodox Christian anthem called the prayer rope (English version).
4. One sure way to spiritual and mental ruin is to keep secrets. You are free in life only if you live with nothing to hide. No one hides their good deeds and acts of virtue.
5. Man is not meant to be alone. Is it any surprise that people suffer more mentally and spiritually in the 21st century than in any period before? When social media replaced social interactions, and texts and phone calls replaced real interactions, that was when many mental and spiritual problems began. I know people can be difficult, but what I learned from working remotely is that isolation kills. You become a branch that has been cut off from a tree. Isolation isn’t only bad due to the lack of social interaction you get, but it can also make you melancholic because when you haven’t got others to speak to, you end up speaking to yourself, and sometimes those conversations can get out of hand. Most people are terrible friends to themselves. That’s why it’s important to get out into the world and treat other people justly, by doing so you learn how to be a better friend to yourself. Treating others justly helps you treat yourself justly (although that’s not the main reason to do it).
6. True peace of mind comes about when you stop allowing yourself to be distracted. Happiness is to be found in the present moment, not in the past and not in the future. The more you try to distract yourself away from the now, the less happy you will be.
7. Stop allowing yourself to be distracted by cheap and vulgar pleasures. One good way to practice this is to go on a walk without headphones/earphones. Another good way to practice this is to only use your phone like a phone.
8. Sometimes when your mind is running ragged in many different directions, the best thing you can do is nothing. You don’t need to add anything to your life to get rid of the discomfort. You simply need to sit quietly in meditation/silent prayer for 10-20 minutes. You don’t need to think about anything, you simply need to observe your thoughts like you would if you were watching the waves on a beach. It’s important not to be judgmental regarding the thoughts that pop up, otherwise you’ll get lost in them again. Once you consistently practice this you’ll find that you’ll go back to your daily tasks in a much better frame of mind. You’ll be much more composed.
9. In religion belief comes first and rules come second. It’s almost impossible to stick to rules if you don’t believe in them.
10. We’re all broken, just some of us are trying to be less so.
11. One of the most important virtues you can practice is self-control. When you lose control of yourself, don’t be surprised when your life gets messy and chaotic. Self-control is the ability to rein in your life to stay on the straight and narrow path, the one God made for you. When you lose your sense of self-control, don’t be surprised when you go down every path apart from the right one.
Symmetry is synonymous with justice, and asymmetry is synonymous with injustice. For example, when one person does the heavy lifting in friendships while the other person does nothing, this is an asymmetry and the friendship will not last (unless one person is an idiot), whereas if the relationship is built on mutual appreciation, fairness and justice, it can flourish.
The biblical wisdom of “an eye for an eye” is not meant to be taken literally; it’s meant to emphasise the principle of justice. For example, if someone blinds you and takes your eye out, the one who commits the crime won’t necessarily lose their own eye, but what this wisdom calls for is a punishment that is in proportion to the crime.
All the best wisdom includes symmetry in it; symmetry calls for the golden rule: to treat others as you’d like to be treated.
Avoid asymmetries at all costs
To let people take from you without offering anything is a grave injustice, and being the “better person” or “turning the other cheek” won’t cut it; you’ll just enable the injustice further by not addressing it.
“Turning the other cheek” is helpful in the sense that it helps you bear your cross and avoid becoming bitter towards other people, but too many people mistake “turning the other cheek” for being a doormat and a pushover.
Justice and injustice are both real, and if you live your life in asymmetric ways, don’t be surprised when life doesn’t go how you like it to.
We live at a time when asymmetry is at an all-time high
Politicians sit in their nicely air-conditioned offices making decisions that negatively impact millions of people, while they receive zero consequences for their actions. They still get paid a handsome salary until they are voted out, but even still, sometimes these leaders are looked after well for the rest of their lives.
Contrast this with the Roman military commander Crassus, who paid for his decision to attempt to conquer the land of Parthia (modern-day Iraq). He and his men were defeated, and Crassus paid for his greedy attempt at taking over Parthia with the Parthian king, Orodes II, executing him by pouring molten gold down his throat.
In ancient times, military commanders paid for their actions; now they go unpunished, along with many other people on the internet.
This image is of Bryan Johnson who is promoting the don’t die movement.
Have you heard of Bryan Johnson? He’s the guy who’s trying to never die, he wants humans to be able to live forever. If you’ve seen his content he takes a crazy amount of pills every day, scrutinises his sleep, and is extremely restrictive with his diet, I think his whole lifestyle is a joke. He’s so focused on being alive in the future that his routine is optimised so that his current life results in him living like a robot, and living like a robot is no life.
Imagine life never drinking a glass of wine, or never enjoying some cheesecake or going to bed late? That is no life, and he’s shortening it because he’s wasting it trying to live longer.
With all the monstrosities going on in the world someone was bound to try and become immortal. That person is Bryan.
I was reading Seneca
The ancient Roman stoic Seneca who was one of the wealthiest men in the Roman Empire wrote many letters on stoicism to his friend Lucilius, in one of his letters he mentions how it doesn’t matter how long we live, compared to how well we live.
As I’m writing this I’m thinking of some people I’ve met or read about who lived short lives but well lived ones, I imagine you can think of a few as well.
For example, Jesus died young in his 30s and he changed the world. On the other hand, some people live long lives in years, but short lives because few of those years were lived well.
It’s tough to live a life well-lived if you don’t look after your health
Someone I look up to is Jack LaLanne, who was coined the godfather of fitness, he lived a long life up until his 90s and he was in tip-top shape until the day he died. He lived well because he looked after himself. I first heard about Jack Lalane when I was in my mid teens and his life inspired me to look after myself, but I ended taking health and fitness too far, it’s good to look after your health but not too much. You can get too much of a good thing.
The lesson what Jack’s life teaches us is that if we look after our bodies we’ll give ourselves the opportunity to live well. Because it’s much harder to live well when you’re unfit, in pain and weak. A fit body is the foundation for a life well-lived.
What I’ve noticed about some Catholic priests
Not all priests are in good shape and that’s okay, what matters most is that they’ve got a good heart, but some of the priests I follow online who take health and fitness seriously all confess how much of a difference it makes in not only improving your physical health but your mental and spiritual health. Because the body doesn’t work in isolation so when you work on your physical health you also improve your mental and spiritual health.
What does it mean to live a life well-lived
A life well-lived means living according to your conscience. For example, some of the worst moments in my life were when I’ve went against my conscience. In my last relationships I knew I was with the wrong women, but I went against myself and it caused a lot of unhappiness.
Now that I listen to myself more, I feel better. Following your conscience is simple you need to avoid anything that your soul doesn’t agree to. If you bypass your conscience, don’t be surprised if mentally and spiritually you feel terrible, because that’s what happened to me.
Don’t live a life that your younger 18 year old self wouldn’t approve of
Sometimes we can get into invidious positions in our lives. Maybe you’ve stayed in that dead end job for too long, or have been neglecting your physical, mental or spiritual health and feel awful. We all get into tricky situations, but it doesn’t mean we need to stay in those situations. If you’re not living a life that your 18 year old self would be proud of then that’s a good sign you’re doing life wrong.
What do you dislike in others?
Whatever we dislike in others we dislike in ourselves. Therefore when we notice patterns of behaviour or lifestyle choices other people make which invoke disgust, we can do well to avoid these same things if we want to make our lives good ones.
What do you envy in others?
When I’m in a rut I like to admire more erudite and successful people than me, which always gives rise to some envy/ jealousy but in a positive way, so I try and learn from them so I can improve my life.
Working BS jobs is not a life well-lived
I’ve worked many jobs and I’ve noticed that some of them can ruin your life because they burn you out mentally, that when you have free time you’re too tired to do anything.
Instead of working BS jobs like many office jobs, try and learn a valuable skill that you can use for the rest of your life. Jobs like plumbers, dentists, dermatologists give you a job for life and you’re free to practice on your own terms.
On the other hand when you work an office job you’re just one merger away from being made redundant.
A life well-lived is a life of freedom
I’m not very interested in fancy cars or marble counter tops, but I am interested in freedom. If you want to live well, you have to aim at freedom.
Many people when they start earning money get greedy and that can lead to being in debt.
So I remember to focus on freedom and I fight the urge to be greedy.
A well lived life is a principled life in line with your ethics
One of the surest ways to unhappiness is working a job and living a life that is not in line with your ethics. For example I’m Catholic so I try to make sure my life is aligned with Catholic values and ethics.
The problem is with many people turning their back on religion they create a vacuum in their lives and they struggle to hone their own value and belief system.
The reason I love the Catholic Church is because I don’t need to reinvent the wheel, I simply need to go to church, pray and follow the guidance of the Catholic Church. Before I was Catholic there was a big gap in my life, you could say it was a god sized gap.
Try getting up early, going to the gym, working a full day, and filling your leisure time with projects (like writing projects)/ time with friends and family, and tell me if you feel depressed.
I promise you won’t feel depressed at all.
You see, humans are meant to engage with the world.
We’re not meant to be lazy couch potatoes.
The busier you are, the more you’re in a flow state
As of writing this post, I’m in a flow state. I’m completely focused on writing and am thus fully immersed in the present moment.
When we’re fully immersed in the present moment, it’s impossible to feel depressed or anxious.
When we stay busy with things we enjoy, we open ourselves up to experiencing a flow state.
Activities that help me get into a flow state
As I’ve already mentioned, writing helps me get into a flow state, so does reading, working out, listening to music, going on walks, skiing, spending time with friends and family, having good conversations and watching a good TV series or film.
I recommend you get involved in flow states that help others, and also help you make money
I love writing because when I write something helpful, others benefit, and it makes me feel good. I can also get paid for it by writing books, etc.
If writing isn’t your thing, then maybe make videos. The key is to choose a medium you enjoy.
Look after your health
I had wrist surgery twice in the space of a year, and it’s safe to say that that was the most mentally challenging period of my life. I had chronic wrist pain, and there was nothing I could do about it.
If you focus on being healthy, i.e., don’t get injured (or minimise the risk as much as possible), make sure you eat healthily and are at a healthy body weight and exercise, you’ll instantly feel better in yourself compared to if you were unhealthy.
The body and the mind are inseparable. When we look after our bodies, our minds benefit.
Get good sleep and have a consistent sleeping pattern
I started feeling so much better mentally when I sorted my sleeping pattern out, and here’s how I did it:
The main reason I find it so easy to get up early and go to bed early now is that I make sure I eat all my meals for the day by 6-7pm.
This was a game-changer for me because I always used to eat really late at night, sometimes past 9pm. It affected my sleep because my body was still digesting food, and I felt bloated when I went to bed.
This tip isn’t spoken about much, but it really helps me. Try eating earlier, and I bet you’ll find it easier to sleep at night.
When I looked into the science behind why this works, I learned that it’s best to align our eating patterns with our circadian rhythm.
What this means is that you eat your meals from when the sun comes up to when it goes down because in hunter-gatherer times we would have only been awake when it was light and we would have slept when it was dark. Because there wouldn’t have been all the artificial lighting that there is today.
It’s amazing how much better you feel physically and mentally when you get your sleeping pattern in order.
Go to church
I’m in the process of becoming Catholic, and following the Catholic faith has helped me feel so much better about myself than I ever thought possible.
I no longer hold onto grudges, and I’m much more forgiving.
I try to serve God and others more.
I love the peace I feel when I go to church mass.
I also love the discipline that daily prayer gives me.
Last week I went to my first Catholic confession, and I felt better instantly
We, humans, have a tendency to hang on to the past. I know I did. Sometimes I would get thoughts pop into my mind, like, ‘Why did you do that, you idiot,’ or I’d feel guilt for some of the times I hadn’t lived up to my own standards (we all make mistakes, we’re not perfect).
When I went to confession, I repented my sins, and upon leaving the confession booth, I felt like a giant weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I carried this weight for years, and now I’d finally let go. My life now feels like a clean slate.
Catholicism has changed my life for the better. I recommend that everyone at least explore Catholicism. I’ve never felt as good in my life as I do now, and it’s because I’m a practising Catholic.
I wasn’t initially going to write this article. I had something else in mind. But I felt so compelled to write this that I couldn’t stop myself from doing so.
But before I get into the meat and potatoes of this article, I want to say thank you to my two paid subscribers, who give me so much encouragement and motivation to continue writing, and as a whole, thank you to all my subscribers, you are all, as we say in North East England, “Legends”.
Recently, I’ve been getting stressed about finding the right partner
Two weeks ago, I matched with this amazing Catholic woman on the dating app Hinge, and she seemed perfect. She was exactly what I was looking for in a partner.
We spoke on the phone for maybe 4 or 5 hours across the week, then we went for a meal together.
And I had a nice time, but I was talking way too much and rambling on about myself. I went against my own advice: I have two ears and one mouth, so I should listen twice as much as I speak.
I knew I was breaking my own rules of social conduct, but I couldn’t control my tongue, and I knew I ended up rambling on about silly things.
But anyway, a couple of days after our date, I was meant to be calling her, but she texted me saying that she wasn’t attracted to me spiritually and as a whole, so the phone call never happened.
This hurt because no one likes rejection, and I thought I found a unicorn because out of all the people I’ve dated and been in relationships with, I’ve never come across anyone like her.
But I respect her boundaries and wishes, and I actually appreciate her honesty, which tells me where I need to improve.
Because truth be told, I’m in the process of becoming Catholic, and spiritually, I have been feeling better going to church every Saturday, but the woman I went on a date with has been Catholic her whole life and is deeply involved in the church.
So even though I have grown spiritually, what I learned from meeting her was that I have a lot of spiritual growth yet to be realised before I can attract someone like her. Which is fine because embarking on this spiritual journey will only make me happier and a better person.
I’ve started going to church mass as much as possible
Every time I go to church mass, I feel better for it spiritually, so by only going to mass once per week, I’m leaving a lot of spiritual gains on the table.
So now I’m trying to go to mass daily (my current streak is 4 days in a row).
And I’m feeling much better, and I’ve stopped being so focused on finding a partner. I know that if I work on my spiritual health, everything else will fall in place, even my romantic relationships.
The strange thing that happened
I recently joined a new gym, and I looked up and in front of me was one of my ex-girlfriends, in fact, the first ever girlfriend I had when I was 16 years old, and the relationship ended really badly.
She said “Hi”, and I said, “Hi back”. I felt like I saw a ghost. I was lost for words and left the gym shortly after (I finished my workout anyway).
I will say I wish my ex-girlfriend, whom I saw all the best, if she ever reads this.
But I think seeing her is God’s or the universe’s way of telling me something.
I think I bumped into my ex-girlfriend to make me realise how badly that relationship went, and to remember not to worry about relationships because when you rush into them, they never end well, as I’ve experienced.
I think God was telling me, “Henry, don’t worry about finding a partner. Remember how bad your relationship with your ex-girlfriend went? I will see to it that you meet the right person when the time is right. Be patient.”
And this is how I make sense of the encounter.
The reason why it was strange was that I hadn’t seen this ex-girlfriend in around 10 years.
But I do believe in God/ some universal force and that everything happens for a reason, because what’s the alternative? To believe everything is meaningless? I’d rather try to make sense of it all as best I can.
So to drive the point home, I’ve learned from being rejected that I need to grow spiritually if I really want to make the most out of my life/ attract the right people into my life. And I’ll try my best to grow spiritually by going to Catholic mass as much as possible and putting into practice what I learn from Biblical teachings. And I won’t rush into finding a partner because I know that doing that in the past has only got me into trouble.
Thank you for reading, dear subscriber.
If you need help with anything, don’t hesitate to reach out.
Toodle-oo for now
-Henry
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We need to be aware of specific laws of human nature because not being aware of them can cause us problems.
Human nature can be ugly. But it can also be used to our advantage.
The first step is awareness.
Here are the 18 laws: in brackets is my description of the laws.
Master your emotional self (develop emotional intelligence).
Transform self-love into empathy ( Get into the minds of others).
See through people’s masks (look beyond the surface). ( A kitchen may seem tidy, but the cupboards can be a mess. First impressions can be misleading).
Determine the strength of people’s character ( how they respond in difficult times is a good way to test their character).
Become an Elusive object to desire.
Elevate your perspective ( be objective and see things how they are).
Soften people’s resistance by confirming their self-opinion.
Change your circumstances by changing your attitude (mindset is everything).
Confront your dark side.
Beware the fragile ego.
Know your limits.
Reconnect to the masculine or feminine within you.
Advance with a sense of purpose (know where you’re going).
Resist the downward pull of the group (beware of the crabs in the bucket mentality; the gravest sin a crab can make is to escape the bucket).
Make them want to follow you (lead by example).
See the hostility behind the friendly facade (beware of the Trojan horse).
Seize the historical moment (exploit opportunities, the biggest of all being the internet).
Meditate on our common mortality (realise deeply that you can die at any moment and let this thought push you to squeeze the juice out of life).
I will focus on the takeaways I’ve saved from the book that had the most significant impact on me.
1.”What if we could look deep inside and judge people’s character, avoiding the bad hires and personal relationships that cause us so much emotional damage?”
Robert talks about the fact that people have two sides to them: their true selves and the facade they want to show you. Because most people seem pleasant at first, they say all the right things.
Anyone can put on a facade. We need to judge a person’s character deeply before getting involved with them romantically or professionally.
In my last relationship, my ex seemed amazing at first. She knew exactly what to say to get me on her side. I should have seen the red flags when she said she loved me more than anything after two weeks. No one falls for someone this easily. She only showed me affection and gave me words of affirmation because she knew that I’d like it. In essence, she did it to influence me. She wasn’t honest at all about what she was saying. She loved bombed me.
The love bombing got worse, and I was slowly manipulated even more to the point I was with her almost 24/7, and she would be upset if I said I wanted my own space. She even tried to stop me from going out with my friends. The relationship ended badly, but it was the best thing that could have happened, although it caused a lot of pain and suffering.
All of the pain and suffering could have been avoided if I had really tried to judge her character before getting intimate with her.
So my takeaway is this: Be very careful who you choose to spend your life with or who you hire (especially for a highly responsible role). Choosing the right person has a huge upside, but choosing the wrong person can be detrimental.
2. “I do not ask the wounded person how he feels … I myself become the wounded person.” –Walt Whitman
It is human nature to be narcissistic and self-centred. But what’s the best response to this? To turn that into empathy for others, focus on helping others instead of only yourself.
That’s why I write and give to charity.
Helping others is the primary reason we’re on this earth, in my opinion.
We need to see things from others’ points of view and empathise with them.
It’s the most human thing to do.
Recently, I started going to therapy.
My therapist listened. She deeply understood where I was coming from and how abnormal some of the things I dealt with growing up were.
One example of this was the fact that my mum had been in and out of psychiatric hospitals since I was three to when I was a teenager, and I always found it challenging to get to grips with (being without a mother for a long period during my formative years, although I still love my mum a lot and know she couldn’t help it).
My therapist empathised with me; it was one of the best feelings I’ve ever had.
I felt recognised and heard.
A good friend can also do this. I do have some friends with whom I can discuss these issues.
The key is to love your neighbour like yourself.
I recommend everyone try therapy to see if it helps them; it definitely helps me. I may write an article about therapy at some point.
3. “At last I have what I wanted. Am I happy? Not really. But what’s missing? My soul no longer has that piquant activity conferred by desire … Oh, we shouldn’t delude ourselves—pleasure isn’t in the fulfillment, but in the pursuit. “—Pierre-Augustin Caron de Beaumarchais
Whatever goal we choose, we must be internally motivated to achieve it. For example, I mostly read and write only about things that interest me, and that could help others.
I don’t pursue things that bore me. Otherwise, it would be impossible to pursue them.
I like Charles Bukowski’s advice on this. He says that to be a good writer, you shouldn’t have to try.
And I understand what he means.
By the same token, procrastination so often demonised can be helpful.
When we procrastinate, our bodies and minds tell us to stay away from things that bore us.
We need to listen to ourselves. Don’t bypass what your body and mind are trying to tell you.
Suppose we pursue what we are interested in out of curiosity and enjoyment. In that case, no matter how successful or unsuccessful we are in the pursuit, it won’t matter because we’ll have found enjoyment in it.
For many people, writing is a chore.
But for me, writing and reading are their own rewards.
4.”With relationships, we can spend our life searching for the perfect man or woman and end up largely alone. There is nobody perfect. Instead, it is better to come to terms with the flaws of the other person and accept them or even find some charm in their weaknesses.”
As I’ve already mentioned, choosing the right spouse is extremely important.
But remember, we’re all deeply flawed individuals.
You and I have our faults, as will our spouse or future spouse.
The key is to determine what we’re willing to put up with.
If someone has a goofy nature that some look down upon but you think is quite sweet, great.
It is better to look for the good in every person.
But some things are completely unacceptable.
i.e. emotional and physical abuse.
Sorry to state the obvious.
5. “In the end what you really must covet is a deeper relationship to reality, which will bring you calmness, focus, and practical powers to alter what it is possible to alter.”
It’s essential to deal with the world as it is rather than how you want it to be.
Maybe things haven’t gone your way in the past, and you resent the world for it.
Sometimes, I ponder on how I wish things were different.
But it’s not practical to think like this.
Theodore Roosevelt said, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”
This is the best way to approach life.
6. “The years teach much which the days never know.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson
What skill do you want to master? Maybe it’s writing, maybe it’s powerlifting, maybe it’s playing an instrument, or even becoming a Grandmaster at chess.
You won’t achieve anything in a matter of days, but progress is almost certain in years and decades.
Some other quotes that I made notes of:
“On dealing with people with a hostile attitude- In dealing with the extremes of this type, struggle as best you can to not respond with the antagonism they expect. Maintain your neutrality. This will confound them and temporarily put a stop to the game they are playing.”
When we react, we relinquish power. When we maintain self-control, we are most powerful.
“The best way to handle recurrent depression is to channel your energies into work, especially the arts. You are used to withdrawing and being alone; use such time to tap into your unconscious. Externalise your unusual sensitivity and your dark feelings into the work itself.”
Expression is the opposite of depression.
“You do not need to be so humble and self-effacing in this world. Such humility is not a virtue but is rather a value that people promote to help keep you down. Whatever you are doing now, you are in fact capable of much more, and by thinking that, you will create a very different dynamic.”
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To not try is to live authentically, tap into the energies of your soul and pursue a life you truly want.
Please don’t do things for praise or esteem; we need to do things because we’re internally driven to do them. If we’re internally driven, we’re far more likely to succeed.
Think with your heart over your mind. Your heart tells you the truth. Get in touch with your intuition.
Don’t Try.
The late Charles Bukowski wrote many books, including Post Office and Ham on Rye.
Throughout his life he worked mediocre jobs but always wanted to become a writer.
It took him decades to get a book published.
But throughout his life he consistently would sit down and write.
His secret was the fact that he didn’t try.
Charles lead his life by following the don’t try mantra.
So much so that he had the words “don’t try” put on his headstone.
I believe the secret to life is not to try.
It’s the ultimate truth.
It doesn’t mean we need to be lazy.
It means we must live authentically and pursue lives we’re drawn to.
Take writing, for instance. I love it and always feel better after writing.
I don’t get paid for it; I do it out of love.
Or, take working out. I always feel great afterwards, and I do it for its own sake. I never have to try.
This advice isn’t easy to follow primarily because we live in a materialistic culture seeped in philistinism.
We’re told to keep up with the Joneses, make more money, get a better car, and max out our credit cards.
Last year, I lived a life I hated. I compared myself to others and tried to improve my status in the hierarchy.
At the expense of my own happiness.
What happened was I killed myself doing overtime, gave all my time to a girlfriend who didn’t care about me and above all, I was trying extremely hard for nothing.
When we try at life, we’re trying for someone else dreams, not our own.
If we truly love something and want our lives to be a certain way, we’ll naturally gravitate towards what we want out of life.
But the biggest thing I want you to take away from this is:
Whatever you do, don’t get in your own way.
Life is very easy, but our minds make it more complicated.
In reality we need to get in touch with our true selves.
And then life won’t feel like an uphill battle. Because when we love our lives, we don’t try.
Why would you try to love your life?
You either love it or you don’t.
And trying makes you aim for something external. Something false.
The truth of life:
We need to live a life we love so much that if someone forced us to live our lives, we’d bite their hand off.
Below is a picture of Charles Bukowski’s “ don’t try” headstone.
Think With Your Heart More Than Your Head
In the book Man In Search Of A Soul By Carl Jung, he writes about a time he spoke with the Pueblo Indians, and they told him that:
“Americans were mad because they believed their thoughts were in their heads, whereas any sensible man knows that he thinks with his heart”.
To not try means to be in touch with our intuitions, our hearts, and God.
The Concept Of Dukkha
In Buddhism, Dukkha is the concept of dissatisfaction, suffering, or imperfection.
It’s a natural part of life.
And it arises in the mind.
You and I will experience Dukkha.
But if we can think with our hearts rather than our minds and be in touch with our authentic selves.
Then, we can limit the amount of Dukkha we experience.
But whatever you do, don’t get caught in your mind.
Detach.
And embrace Bukowski’s don’t try philosophy.
Start today.
Takeaways:
To not try is to live authentically, tap into the energies of your soul and pursue a life you truly want.
Please don’t do things for praise or esteem; we need to do things because we’re internally driven to do them. If we’re internally driven, we’re far more likely to succeed.
Think with your heart over your mind. Your heart tells you the truth. Get in touch with your intuition.
henrypaget.com 