Every individual is different and he or she feels love differently. This is mainly what the book is about. If someone shows us love in a love language that isn’t our own, and fails to show us, love, in our real love language we won’t feel loved.
What Are The Five Love Languages
1: Words of affirmation ( for example saying I love you to your spouse).
2: Acts of service ( for example making dinner or doing chores around the house for your spouse).
3: Gifts ( for example buying gifts/ presents for your spouse).
4: Quality time ( for example, having conversations with your spouse and experiencing things together).
5: Physical touch ( for example, sex, hugs, kisses etc).
If you feel loved mainly by physical touch and you didn’t get that from your spouse you’d feel unloved.
Everyone’s love language is different, but it’s important to find out your and your spouse’s love language. And if you speak to each other in the correct love languages you’ll both feel loved and the relationship should thrive.
In Gary’s words, ” your and your spouse’s love tanks will be full”.
1. ” But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you…. Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. “
Gary quotes Luke 6:27-28 from the bible several times in his book. The fact is whether it’s in a relationship with our spouses or relationships in general hate is never the answer.
Love is always the answer.
Martin Luther King Jnr said:
“Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
2. “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
Gary also quotes Luke 6:38 from the bible. I’m a firm believer that the more we help others the more we help ourselves. And if we all endeavour to be givers, the more we help others and ourselves.
” Some people, when they do someone a favour, are always looking for a chance to call it in. And some aren’t, but they’re still aware of it—still, regard it as a debt. But others don’t even do that. They’re like a vine that produces grapes without looking for anything in return… after helping others… They just go on to something else… We should be like that. —Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor
3. “Can emotional love be reborn in a marriage? You bet. The key is to learn the primary love language of your spouse and choose to speak it.”
Choosing to speak your spouse’s love language, and your spouse choosing to speak your love language is extremely powerful. And if done correctly should breathe new life into a marriage or relationship.
Gary also says in his book:
” Some couples believe that the end of the “in-love” experience means they have only two options: resign themselves to a life of misery with their spouse, or jump ship and try again. Our generation has opted for the latter, whereas an earlier generation often chose the former. Before we automatically conclude that we have made the better choice, perhaps we should examine the data. The divorce rate for second marriages is higher than the divorce rate of first marriages. The divorce rate in third marriages is higher still. Apparently, the prospect of a happier marriage the second and third time around is not substantial.”
So with more unsuccessful marriages comes even more unsuccessful marriages.
If the power of love languages is used in relationships, Gary argues that failed relationships and failed marriages can be prevented.