A few years ago, I wasn’t feeling too good about myself, and I’d been single for several years, so because I’d been single for so long, I thought the answer to my pain was to get into a romantic relationship, so I decided to download the dating app Hinge, and I got swiping.
After a couple of months on Hinge, I’d been on one date where the woman I met up with looked nothing like her dating profile pictures, as those pictures were taken years ago, so on the date with her, I prematurely ended it, and she texted me saying, “I’m sorry I wasn’t what you were expecting.” And I don’t think I replied.
The second date was with a woman who did look like her dating profile pictures. We seemingly hit it off on the first date, though, looking back, I came across as desperate and needy. I was basically begging to go out with her again. If I could tell my old self one thing now, it would be “Have some self-respect.”
Anyway, we went on a second date, and it was ok, but I ended up meeting her mum and her mum’s boyfriend, which seems unusual on the second date. Thinking about it now, it’s better to introduce each other to families when the relationship takes on a more serious tone.
We kept dating, and eventually I begged her to become my girlfriend, and she hesitantly said yes. And when we had our first kiss, it was the most awkward kiss imaginable. I’m surprised we both let this relationship go on so long, but we did.
The whole relationship turned out to be a strange one. We were never right for each other, and even though deep down I knew this, I still tried to be the perfect partner, apart from that one time I went to the strip club, which was difficult to tell her, but she wasnt really that bothered when I confessed.
I digress, what I’m trying to say is she didn’t particularly add anything to my life, yet I tried to add lots to hers by buying her gifts and taking her out for nice meals like fine dining (which I can’t stand).
Now I know why I was so desperate; it was because I was looking outwards for happiness and validation, which is the worst thing you can do, because you can’t rely on anyone else but yourself for your happiness.
The Stoic Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius said:
“Yes, keep on degrading yourself, soul. But soon your chance at dignity will be gone. Everyone gets one life. Yours is almost used up, and instead of treating yourself with respect, you have entrusted your own happiness to the souls of others.”
When I first read that quote, I thought that it was astonishing to read that one of the greatest emperors of all time struggled with what I struggle with, which is looking outwards for happiness. When we rely on others opinions and words for happiness how can we not be unhappy?
Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return
I’m writing this post on Wednesday, the 18th of February and this morning I went to church to celebrate Ash Wednesday, and the priest said to me, “Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return”.
It’s good to remember this whenever we put someone else’s opinion on a pedestal above our own, because just as we are dust, so are they. And the only favour/grace we should seek is God’s, because if we don’t, we run the risk of treating other people like gods. If we get too arrogant about our own opinions and viewpoints, we make the gravest mistake: turning ourselves into gods.
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