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This post includes my Quora answer to the question “What is the best mindset to have before going into a relationship?” where I give 10 tips to cultivate the right mindset before getting into a relationship that I’ve learned from my experience.

Here is the Quora answer:

What is the best mindset to have before going into a relationship?

1. Don’t put the next potential spouse you meet on a pedestal. Because if you do, you will turn them into a god. You should only be worshipping one god, and that is not your partner.
2. Don’t have sex until marriage. Because if you have sex with one of the first potential partners you meet, you won’t know if you’re really in love with them or just lusting over them. I’ve made this mistake with my ex-partners and never loved any of them. I merely lusted over them, and they lusted over me.
3. Be friends first. Because if you’re going to spend your life with someone, you must be best friends with that person, otherwise it won’t work.
4. Never stop being yourself just to curry favour with a potential spouse. You can’t put up an act forever; they’ll eventually see through your facade and may not like the real you. So be yourself from the very start.
5. Choose someone with the same values as you. I get very inspired when I go to church because I see some very old couples still madly in love with each other. I think that is because they share the same faith and thus the same values; their faith acts like glue, sticking them together until death.
6. Try to see beyond looks and try to gauge the potential spouse’s character because eventually looks fade, but our hearts don’t; in fact, they can even shine brighter through the years.
7. Don’t rush to get with someone. You’re bound to make a mistake if you do. Instead, listen to your conscience, and it will tell you when you’ve found the right spouse.
8. There isn’t just one person for you. Many people will make good spouses, but you need to put yourself out there and find them. Go to church, get involved in groups, and have the courage to speak to new people.
9. Be the person the universe or god wanted you to be. I guarantee that if you become the best version of yourself, potential partners will be lining up to date you.
10. Be the person that your ideal spouse would want to date. What type of person do you need to become in order to attract your ideal spouse?

The most important thing to remember

Make sure you only date people who mirror your values because all else is insanity. Trust me, I’ve been there. Make finding a spouse easy for yourself and start off by making it a nonnegotiable to choose someone with the same values as you.

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