If you look for ways on google to de-stress. Chances are you’ll run into breathing exercises.
Truth be told there are many different breathing exercises that you can do.
There are so many that it can be hard to figure out which one to choose.
I’ve tried box breathing, the Wim Hof Method and others but here’s the easiest method that I find works best.
Breathe In Slowly And Deeply Through Your Nose And Exhale Through Your Mouth
I’ve found that this simple exercise can help massively with stress for a couple of different reasons.
1. It’s easy and it’s the normal way to breathe ( Nose breathing has been shown to be more healthy than mouth breathing).
2. Slow, deep, breathing stimulates your vagus nerve which has been shown to reduce anxiety and activates your parasympathetic nervous system ( The nervous system associated with relaxation and sleep as opposed to the flight or flight response which is called the sympathetic nervous system which is normally activated when you”re stressed).
How To Reap The Benefits Of This Breathing Exercise
Do this breathing exercise 1-2 times per day, for 10 minutes each time. The benefits are very similar to meditation ( This breathing exercise is a very basic form of meditation). And if you consistently make time for this breathing exercise you’ll feel a sense of calm, peace and relaxation.
Make sure to take deep but comfortable breaths. Make sure to focus on your breath throughout the exercise and if your mind starts to wander focus back on your breath.
Every individual is different and he or she feels love differently. This is mainly what the book is about. If someone shows us love in a love language that isn’t our own, and fails to show us, love, in our real love language we won’t feel loved.
What Are The Five Love Languages
1: Words of affirmation ( for example saying I love you to your spouse).
2: Acts of service ( for example making dinner or doing chores around the house for your spouse).
3: Gifts ( for example buying gifts/ presents for your spouse).
4: Quality time ( for example, having conversations with your spouse and experiencing things together).
5: Physical touch ( for example, sex, hugs, kisses etc).
If you feel loved mainly by physical touch and you didn’t get that from your spouse you’d feel unloved.
Everyone’s love language is different, but it’s important to find out your and your spouse’s love language. And if you speak to each other in the correct love languages you’ll both feel loved and the relationship should thrive.
In Gary’s words, ” your and your spouse’s love tanks will be full”.
1. ” But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you…. Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. “
Gary quotes Luke 6:27-28 from the bible several times in his book. The fact is whether it’s in a relationship with our spouses or relationships in general hate is never the answer.
“Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
2. “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
Gary also quotes Luke 6:38 from the bible. I’m a firm believer that the more we help others the more we help ourselves. And if we all endeavour to be givers, the more we help others and ourselves.
” Some people, when they do someone a favour, are always looking for a chance to call it in. And some aren’t, but they’re still aware of it—still, regard it as a debt. But others don’t even do that. They’re like a vine that produces grapes without looking for anything in return… after helping others… They just go on to something else… We should be like that. —Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor
3. “Can emotional love be reborn in a marriage? You bet. The key is to learn the primary love language of your spouse and choose to speak it.”
Choosing to speak your spouse’s love language, and your spouse choosing to speak your love language is extremely powerful. And if done correctly should breathe new life into a marriage or relationship.
Gary also says in his book:
” Some couples believe that the end of the “in-love” experience means they have only two options: resign themselves to a life of misery with their spouse, or jump ship and try again. Our generation has opted for the latter, whereas an earlier generation often chose the former. Before we automatically conclude that we have made the better choice, perhaps we should examine the data. The divorce rate for second marriages is higher than the divorce rate of first marriages. The divorce rate in third marriages is higher still. Apparently, the prospect of a happier marriage the second and third time around is not substantial.”
So with more unsuccessful marriages comes even more unsuccessful marriages.
If the power of love languages is used in relationships, Gary argues that failed relationships and failed marriages can be prevented.
The circle of influence includes things that are in our control. Some things in the circle of influence are:
Our character.
Our choices.
How we react.
To focus on the circle of influence is to focus on what we can control.
The Circle Of Concern
The circle of concern includes things that we have no control over. Such as:
The weather.
What other people do and say.
Politics.
News.
To Be More Effective We Should Spend More Time On Things We Can Control
To spend time in the circle of concern is to waste precious time and energy.
Almost 2000 years ago the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius knew the power of focusing on the circle of influence. In his book Meditations, he said:
“The tranquillity that comes when you stop caring what they say. Or think, or do. Only what you do. (Is this fair? Is this the right thing to do?) <…> not to be distracted by their darkness. To run straight for the finish line, unswerving.”
To Focus On The Circle Of Concern Is To Give Up Responsibility
Ultimately we shouldn’t let external conditions dictate our lives.
It’s not what happens to us in life that matters its all about how we respond. And at each moment we all have the power to choose that response.
Some Things In Our control That Can Help us Improve Our Lives
Health- workout 3-5 times per week, eat mostly whole foods, and get 8 hours of sleep per night.
Education – read 45 minutes to 1 hour per day.
Wealth – save/ invest at least 10% of your income each month.
Of course, there are many things we can focus on that can help us improve our lives or help us get to a said goal but this blog post would include an endless list if I were to list them all.
Focus On The End Goal Of What You Want To Achieve And Work Backwards
If you have a goal or an area of life where you’d like to improve, first determine the desired outcome and then make a plan including things you can control now, to reach that goal.
For example:
If your goal was to build a blog, you could start posting every day. If you wanted to get stronger, you could start a weekly strength training program.
Life can be overwhelmingly complex at times, but the more we focus on the circle of influence the more simplified life becomes.
Edith Eger who is a holocaust survivor and psychologist said in her book the choice:
” To be free is to live in the present. If we are stuck in the past, saying, “If only I had gone there instead of here …” or “If only I had married someone else …,” we are living in a prison of our own making. Likewise if we spend our time in the future, saying, “I won’t be happy until I graduate …” or “I won’t be happy until I find the right person.” The only place where we can exercise our freedom of choice is in the present.”
The present is all we ever have. And that’s where true freedom and happiness are found.
I’ve just been reading the choice by Edith Eger who is a Holocaust survivor and psychologist.
For many years Edith bottled up the terrible things that happened in Auschwitz.
But the fact is, she found that the more she denied that part of herself the more it hurt.
She found that suppressing the feelings of what went on in the concentration camp only made it harder to let them go.
Edith says “Expression is the opposite of depression”.
The fact is we need ways to cope with the shit life throws at us.
Some things that can help:
Talking Therapy.
Eating healthily.
Working out.
Getting enough sleep.
Spending time with friends and family.
If we’re healthier we’ll better face the turmoil the world throws at us. And if we have friends, family or even therapists to express our thoughts, feelings and emotions to life will be easier.
Whatever your goal may be, it could be a health goal or a personal project like a blog or whatever it may be.
Just starting small, doing something, is better than nothing.
In fitness, it could be just removing sugary drinks. Or for a personal blog, you could post every day even if your article isn’t perfect.
All in all, you can either start small now or start big someday ( the day will probably never come.)
This moment right now in front of us is all we ever have. It’s up to us to use it as effectively as possible to get to where we want to go in life and experience the things we want to experience.
1. Save/Invest at least 10% of your income every month (more if possible)
In the book, the millionaire next door Thomas J Stanley shows us that most millionaires, know how to save. And especially for a long time (most of their lives).
Investing at least 10% of your income in an index fund or other mutual fund could build amazing compound interest if you invest for years to come.
2. Become Frugal
In the book the millionaire next door by Thomas J Stanley one of the reasons why millionaires are wealthy is because they aren’t wasteful.
They budget, they don’t pay over the odds for things, and again they save.
Benjamin Franklin knew the importance of frugality, so much so that he practised the virtue of frugality regularly.
Of his 13 virtues ( he practised a different virtue every day) the 5th virtue was frugality.
Here’s how Benjamin Franklin described the virtue – ” Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.”
3. Learn Valuable Skills And Keep Learning To Increase Income
The more we know, the more we can do, and the more we can do the more oppurtinies we have to succeed. Becoming a perpetual learner can make us better at life and can help us become more effective individuals in general.
In the book so good they can’t ignore you by Cal Newport, he peddles the idea that the guys and gals with the best jobs are the ones who have learned valuable skills and/or are the best at what they do.
When you’re the best at what you do, you’re in demand. And people will pay you handsomely for your services and time. The individuals who are the best at what they do often tend to have the most freedom as well.
The Bottom Line
If we can consistently save/ invest money in things that will give us a healthy rate of return in the long term. While also being frugal and developing valuable skills. We’ll be getting closer to wealth every single day.
1. “Making money is not a thing you do- it’s a skill you learn.”
We only have so many hours in a day. Imagine if we could find ways to make money without having to give up all our precious time.
Many people do this. It’s possible to make money from advertising on a blog/ youtube channel, sell a virtual product, invest money into funds etc.
I believe if we can find more ways to make money without sacrificing more time we’ll have more freedom.
2. “Specific knowledge is found by pursuing your genuine curiosity and passion rather than whatever is hot right now.”
If we focus on what we think we should be focusing on ( maybe whatever is popular etc) rather than what we’re interested in, we won’t get as far.
Genuine curiosity can take us places where boredom and disinterest can’t. We’re much more likely to get better in an area / build specific knowledge in a subject if we’re genuinely interested in it.
3. “The most important skill for becoming rich is becoming a perpetual learner”
The more we know, the more we can do, and the more we can do the more opportunities we have in life to succeed.
One amazing thing about books that no one speaks about is that you can literally get insider knowledge from some of the most iconic and successful people in history, past and present.
I try to read 30 minutes to 1 hour per day, I mostly read genres that I’m curious about and have a genuine interest in.
The Bottom Line
Naval Ravikant is a successful entrepreneur and investor. These pieces of advice are from his book the Almanack of Naval Ravinkant I highly recommend you read it.
Being entitled can be defined as feeling that you have the right to do or have what you want without having to work for it or deserve it, just because of who you are.
As we grow older we might feel like we want to live the best lives, with the best things and experiences because that’s what we deserve.
In reality, we don’t deserve anything in life. The world owes us nothing.
The better question to ask ourselves is instead of what can the world do for me? What can I do for the world?
And only once we provide value to others will we reap the rewards and be able to live our best lives.
I’ve had a sense of entitlement before, everyone experiences it at least a little bit during their lives.
You think you’re special. But it’s just naivety. In reality, before we say we deserve better or we’re too good for something. We should put actions in place to accomplish whatever it is we really think we’re entitled to.
And only by hard work and accomplishment of whatever it is we think we deserve, can we really prove that we deserve it.
Maybe at your place of work, you think you deserve to be promoted. Why do you think you deserve to be promoted? Are you doing your role as best as you can? Could you do better? Have you spoken about it to your boss? Has he given you advice? If you haven’t been promoted yet, chances are you probably don’t deserve it yet.
It’s Okay To Want Better
If you want a better job, or to improve some area of your life, that’s fine. But we honestly can’t say we deserve something or have an attitude of entitlement until we put in the work every day and achieve said goal.
To feel like you deserve to reach a goal, or to have an entitled attitude without putting in the work every day is really just making your dream a wish.
The Bottom Line
To feel like we’re owed something from the world for no reason at all is complete lunacy.
Ultimately we’re responsible for our lives and we’re in the driving seat. But only if we’re willing to do the hard work every day to succeed can we truly say we deserve anything. There are no shortcuts.
When Arnold Schwarzenegger built his physique. His look was due to the fact that he always put in the reps. He never missed a workout, always ate appropriately and dedicated his life to his goal of winning Mr Olympia.
If we want to accomplish our goals in our lives. We need to put the reps in. Without putting the reps in we stagnate in accomplishing our goals.
“It’s normal to feel pain in your hands and feet, if you’re using your feet as feet and your hands as hands. And for a human being to feel stress is normal—if he’s living a normal human life. And if it’s normal, how can it be bad?”
Marcus Aurelius
To feel stress is human. You feel stress, I feel stress. And no matter what happens in our lives we’ll all feel stress from time to time.
What matters is how we respond to stress, how we deal with it.
Maybe you were speaking to an angry customer at work, and they got you riled up. Maybe you got cut off in traffic and it pissed you off.
Whatever it is that’s got you stressed it’s important to have an outlet to get rid of the negative energy.
Here are some of my favourite things I do when I feel stressed.
Take a walk. (30 minutes will do).
Work out. ( It could be anything you like, weightlifting, cardio, whatever).
Meditate for 10 minutes ( Try and focus on your natural breathing rhythm, and every time your thoughts wander refocus on your breathing to break the negative thinking cycle.)
Focus on a project. ( This could be a blog or something to do with work/ business or personal project e.g. a hobby.)
Listen to music ( This is one of the easiest things you can do to boost your mood.)
Normal Stress And Too Much Stress
If you’re chronically stressed this could be a sign that you might need to change a few things in your life or at least how you respond to the challenges you face.
For example, if you’re unfit and this is causing a great deal of stress (maybe you have less energy than normal, or it’s harder to perform general tasks).
Then the solution would be to consistently work out 3-5 times per week, drink enough water, eat a healthy diet and get enough sleep.
If an unhealthy habit is causing problems in your life. And is causing you stress, then the best thing to do is break that habit, which will enable you to get rid of the unnecessary stressor.
Why You Need To Get A Handle On Your Stress
In the book Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers By Robert Sapolsky, Robert explains how chronic stress can cause chronically high blood pressure and when blood pressure is chronically high over time it can cause cardiac problems. Such as heart disease.
The Bottom Line
To be chronically stressed is not good for us. If we don’t get a handle on it, our health and quality of life will suffer. And this is why it’s important to focus on removing unnecessary stressors in our daily lives. And practice behaviours that will help us reduce stress and promote relaxation.
henrypaget.com 