Edith Eger who is a holocaust survivor and psychologist said in her book the choice:
” To be free is to live in the present. If we are stuck in the past, saying, “If only I had gone there instead of here …” or “If only I had married someone else …,” we are living in a prison of our own making. Likewise if we spend our time in the future, saying, “I won’t be happy until I graduate …” or “I won’t be happy until I find the right person.” The only place where we can exercise our freedom of choice is in the present.”
The present is all we ever have. And that’s where true freedom and happiness are found.
I’ve just been reading the choice by Edith Eger who is a Holocaust survivor and psychologist.
For many years Edith bottled up the terrible things that happened in Auschwitz.
But the fact is, she found that the more she denied that part of herself the more it hurt.
She found that suppressing the feelings of what went on in the concentration camp only made it harder to let them go.
Edith says “Expression is the opposite of depression”.
The fact is we need ways to cope with the shit life throws at us.
Some things that can help:
Talking Therapy.
Eating healthily.
Working out.
Getting enough sleep.
Spending time with friends and family.
If we’re healthier we’ll better face the turmoil the world throws at us. And if we have friends, family or even therapists to express our thoughts, feelings and emotions to life will be easier.
Whatever your goal may be, it could be a health goal or a personal project like a blog or whatever it may be.
Just starting small, doing something, is better than nothing.
In fitness, it could be just removing sugary drinks. Or for a personal blog, you could post every day even if your article isn’t perfect.
All in all, you can either start small now or start big someday ( the day will probably never come.)
This moment right now in front of us is all we ever have. It’s up to us to use it as effectively as possible to get to where we want to go in life and experience the things we want to experience.
1. Save/Invest at least 10% of your income every month (more if possible)
In the book, the millionaire next door Thomas J Stanley shows us that most millionaires, know how to save. And especially for a long time (most of their lives).
Investing at least 10% of your income in an index fund or other mutual fund could build amazing compound interest if you invest for years to come.
2. Become Frugal
In the book the millionaire next door by Thomas J Stanley one of the reasons why millionaires are wealthy is because they aren’t wasteful.
They budget, they don’t pay over the odds for things, and again they save.
Benjamin Franklin knew the importance of frugality, so much so that he practised the virtue of frugality regularly.
Of his 13 virtues ( he practised a different virtue every day) the 5th virtue was frugality.
Here’s how Benjamin Franklin described the virtue – ” Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.”
3. Learn Valuable Skills And Keep Learning To Increase Income
The more we know, the more we can do, and the more we can do the more oppurtinies we have to succeed. Becoming a perpetual learner can make us better at life and can help us become more effective individuals in general.
In the book so good they can’t ignore you by Cal Newport, he peddles the idea that the guys and gals with the best jobs are the ones who have learned valuable skills and/or are the best at what they do.
When you’re the best at what you do, you’re in demand. And people will pay you handsomely for your services and time. The individuals who are the best at what they do often tend to have the most freedom as well.
The Bottom Line
If we can consistently save/ invest money in things that will give us a healthy rate of return in the long term. While also being frugal and developing valuable skills. We’ll be getting closer to wealth every single day.
1. “Making money is not a thing you do- it’s a skill you learn.”
We only have so many hours in a day. Imagine if we could find ways to make money without having to give up all our precious time.
Many people do this. It’s possible to make money from advertising on a blog/ youtube channel, sell a virtual product, invest money into funds etc.
I believe if we can find more ways to make money without sacrificing more time we’ll have more freedom.
2. “Specific knowledge is found by pursuing your genuine curiosity and passion rather than whatever is hot right now.”
If we focus on what we think we should be focusing on ( maybe whatever is popular etc) rather than what we’re interested in, we won’t get as far.
Genuine curiosity can take us places where boredom and disinterest can’t. We’re much more likely to get better in an area / build specific knowledge in a subject if we’re genuinely interested in it.
3. “The most important skill for becoming rich is becoming a perpetual learner”
The more we know, the more we can do, and the more we can do the more opportunities we have in life to succeed.
One amazing thing about books that no one speaks about is that you can literally get insider knowledge from some of the most iconic and successful people in history, past and present.
I try to read 30 minutes to 1 hour per day, I mostly read genres that I’m curious about and have a genuine interest in.
The Bottom Line
Naval Ravikant is a successful entrepreneur and investor. These pieces of advice are from his book the Almanack of Naval Ravinkant I highly recommend you read it.
Being entitled can be defined as feeling that you have the right to do or have what you want without having to work for it or deserve it, just because of who you are.
As we grow older we might feel like we want to live the best lives, with the best things and experiences because that’s what we deserve.
In reality, we don’t deserve anything in life. The world owes us nothing.
The better question to ask ourselves is instead of what can the world do for me? What can I do for the world?
And only once we provide value to others will we reap the rewards and be able to live our best lives.
I’ve had a sense of entitlement before, everyone experiences it at least a little bit during their lives.
You think you’re special. But it’s just naivety. In reality, before we say we deserve better or we’re too good for something. We should put actions in place to accomplish whatever it is we really think we’re entitled to.
And only by hard work and accomplishment of whatever it is we think we deserve, can we really prove that we deserve it.
Maybe at your place of work, you think you deserve to be promoted. Why do you think you deserve to be promoted? Are you doing your role as best as you can? Could you do better? Have you spoken about it to your boss? Has he given you advice? If you haven’t been promoted yet, chances are you probably don’t deserve it yet.
It’s Okay To Want Better
If you want a better job, or to improve some area of your life, that’s fine. But we honestly can’t say we deserve something or have an attitude of entitlement until we put in the work every day and achieve said goal.
To feel like you deserve to reach a goal, or to have an entitled attitude without putting in the work every day is really just making your dream a wish.
The Bottom Line
To feel like we’re owed something from the world for no reason at all is complete lunacy.
Ultimately we’re responsible for our lives and we’re in the driving seat. But only if we’re willing to do the hard work every day to succeed can we truly say we deserve anything. There are no shortcuts.
When Arnold Schwarzenegger built his physique. His look was due to the fact that he always put in the reps. He never missed a workout, always ate appropriately and dedicated his life to his goal of winning Mr Olympia.
If we want to accomplish our goals in our lives. We need to put the reps in. Without putting the reps in we stagnate in accomplishing our goals.
“It’s normal to feel pain in your hands and feet, if you’re using your feet as feet and your hands as hands. And for a human being to feel stress is normal—if he’s living a normal human life. And if it’s normal, how can it be bad?”
Marcus Aurelius
To feel stress is human. You feel stress, I feel stress. And no matter what happens in our lives we’ll all feel stress from time to time.
What matters is how we respond to stress, how we deal with it.
Maybe you were speaking to an angry customer at work, and they got you riled up. Maybe you got cut off in traffic and it pissed you off.
Whatever it is that’s got you stressed it’s important to have an outlet to get rid of the negative energy.
Here are some of my favourite things I do when I feel stressed.
Take a walk. (30 minutes will do).
Work out. ( It could be anything you like, weightlifting, cardio, whatever).
Meditate for 10 minutes ( Try and focus on your natural breathing rhythm, and every time your thoughts wander refocus on your breathing to break the negative thinking cycle.)
Focus on a project. ( This could be a blog or something to do with work/ business or personal project e.g. a hobby.)
Listen to music ( This is one of the easiest things you can do to boost your mood.)
Normal Stress And Too Much Stress
If you’re chronically stressed this could be a sign that you might need to change a few things in your life or at least how you respond to the challenges you face.
For example, if you’re unfit and this is causing a great deal of stress (maybe you have less energy than normal, or it’s harder to perform general tasks).
Then the solution would be to consistently work out 3-5 times per week, drink enough water, eat a healthy diet and get enough sleep.
If an unhealthy habit is causing problems in your life. And is causing you stress, then the best thing to do is break that habit, which will enable you to get rid of the unnecessary stressor.
Why You Need To Get A Handle On Your Stress
In the book Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers By Robert Sapolsky, Robert explains how chronic stress can cause chronically high blood pressure and when blood pressure is chronically high over time it can cause cardiac problems. Such as heart disease.
The Bottom Line
To be chronically stressed is not good for us. If we don’t get a handle on it, our health and quality of life will suffer. And this is why it’s important to focus on removing unnecessary stressors in our daily lives. And practice behaviours that will help us reduce stress and promote relaxation.
Firstly a calorie is just a unit of energy and we all need to eat a certain number of calories every day to either lose, maintain or gain weight. So the answer to “how many calories should I eat?” Wholly depends on your specific goals.
Are you underweight and want to put some rock-solid muscle mass on your frame?
Or
Are you overweight and want to see your abs for the first time in your life?
The approach to each of these goals is different.
How To Know What Goal You Should Choose
Answer the following question below before making a decision on which goal you should choose:
Are you happy with your current body fat percentage?
If you’re happy with your current body fat levels and are comfortable putting on weight (50% of which is normally fat and 50% is normally muscle if you do things properly) then pick this goal.
If your current body fat percentage is too high and you’re not happy with your current body fat levels then there’s no point in gaining more weight because some of that will be fat. And if you pick the goal of gaining weight you’ll be even more unhappy with your body fat levels because you’ll ultimately be fatter which will result in you looking and feeling worse.
So first lose weight if you’re unhappy with being at a high body fat percentage and only gain weight when you’re happy with your body fat levels.
If you’re between a body fat percentage of 10-20% then you’re in a healthy body fat range. But only when you start to get above the 20% mark does it become unhealthy.
To read more about healthy and unhealthy body fat percentages click the link below:
From my experience the easiest way to work out how many calories you need to eat to gain weight is to:
Multiply your body weight in pounds by 18.
So a male who is 150 pounds would need to multiply 18 by 150 which equals 2700 calories. So if the 150-pound male ate 2700 calories per day they’d most likely put themselves in a calorie surplus (eat more calories than they burn) and gain weight.
Prioritise Protein
To ensure that the weight you’re gaining isn’t wholly fat you need to prioritise 4 things.
Eating a high protein diet ( eat at least 1 gram of protein per pound of your body weight every day).
Strength train 3-5 times per week.
Prioritise getting 8 hours of sleep every night.
Stay hydrated. Drink 3-4 litres of water per day. If you live in a hot country and have an active job you may need to drink more. As a rule of thumb if your urine is clear or a wheat-like colour you’re hydrated but if it’s a dark yellow colour you need to drink more.
Going back to the example of the 150-pound male who wants to put on weight he would need to eat around 150 grams of protein per day which is around 600 calories. The rest of the calories (2100) can come from carbs and fats but try to limit saturated fat to no more than 10% of your calories per day.
Whatever the number of calories needed for you to gain weight is it’s smart to make sure that at least 70% of those calories are coming from healthy whole foods which include foods like:
Lean meats
Fruits and vegetables
Grains
Fish
Low-fat dairy
Nuts
And make sure that no more than 30% of your calories are coming from nutritionally bankrupt foods like:
Sweets
Full-fat dairy
Chocolate
Deep-fried foods
Pastries
Doughnuts
Sugary cereals
Biscuits
How To Track Weight Gain And What To Do If You’re Not Gaining Weight
First of all, you need to keep track of your weigh-ins so you know if you’re actually gaining weight or not. And that’s best achieved by weighing yourself periodically. Here are two options for doing that.
Weigh yourself Monday through to Sunday and work out a weekly average. Then use the average weigh-in as your overall weekly weigh-in number.
Weigh yourself once per week and compare it with the previous week’s weigh-in.
Note: When weighing yourself make sure you do it under similar conditions every day/ week. It’s best to weigh yourself first thing in the morning when you get up in your underwear on an empty stomach (when you haven’t eaten or drank anything).
A steady rate of weight gain is to put on between 0.5 to 1 pound per week, this is an ideal amount of weight to put on to maximise muscle growth while putting on a minimum amount of fat.
If you’re not gaining weight eating the initial number of calories simply add 150 calories to your daily limit and you should see the scale move up and your strength should increase nicely in the gym.
A Quick Method To Lose Weight
To work out the number of calories you need to eat to lose weight multiply your body weight in pounds by 11.
So if a 180-pound male wanted to lose weight he’d need to eat roughly 1980 calories per day.
This should put him in a calorie deficit of roughly 500 calories per day and should ensure he loses around a pound per week.
But if this individual wanted to make sure most of what he lost wasn’t muscle and was mostly fat he’d need to also do a few other things like:
Lift weights 3-5 times per week.
Eat mainly nutritious foods. I recommend that people who are trying to lose weight should eat 80% of their calories from healthy whole foods and allow themselves the freedom to eat whatever they like for the additional 20% of their calories.
Stay hydrated. Staying hydrated can help you feel full. And our bodies are made up of around 60% water so drinking enough water is essential to our bodies operating properly.
Sleep 8 hours per night, this will help you recover properly and ultimately lose more fat and less muscle.
If after a week you’re still not losing weight eating the initial number of calories you can reduce your daily calories by 150 and that should get the scale moving in the right direction.
If you’re still not losing weight you can simply reduce your calories again by 150 or do some extra cardio on your non-lifting days to widen the calorie deficit you’re in (eating fewer calories than you burn).
A Quick Method To Maintain Your Weight
If you’re happy with your current weight you can maintain it by multiplying your body weight in pounds by 14 and using the sum of that calculation as your daily calories.
So a 170-pound male who is happy with his weight and wants to maintain it would multiply 170 by 14 which equals 2380 calories.
When you eat at your maintenance calories which means roughly eating the same number of calories as you burn every day make sure you also:
Lift weights 3-5 times per week.
Eat a mostly nutritious diet and eat 80% of your calories from healthy whole foods.
Sleep for 8 hours every night.
Ideally, the individual who maintains is someone who has switched between multiple cut and bulk phases and is happy with his body fat levels, size and strength.
Why One Size Fits All Calorie Targets And Cookie Cutter Diets Don’t Work In The Long Term
There are many different diet approaches out there such as:
Low carb diets e.g. the keto diet.
Low-fat diets.
The Vegan diet.
The Atkins diet.
The Zone diet.
And more.
The main reason why diet approaches like the ones above generally don’t work in the long term is because they aren’t personalised to the individual.
We are all different shapes and sizes and have different activity levels. One diet approach doesn’t work for everyone.
The 2 Factors That Determine How Many Calories You Need To Eat
The 2 factors are:
Activity levels.
Body size and composition.
Activity Levels
If two individuals were both the same weight but one was sedentary while the other was extremely active, the more active individual would burn more calories and thus have to eat more calories for whatever their goal was compared to the sedentary individual.
Body Size And Composition
A bigger, stronger and heavier individual will burn more calories than someone who is smaller given that they had similar activity levels.
This is simply due to the fact that:
Larger individuals require more energy to move their bodies, so you’ll usually burn more calories at a heavier weight.
Why Men Usually Burn More Calories Than Women
This primarily comes down to the fact that men are bigger than women, and a bigger individual needs to eat more calories to maintain his or her weight.
But this isn’t always the case, for example, a female who lifts weights 3-5 times per week, has an active job, performs cardio multiple times per week and has a decent amount of muscle on her frame will burn more calories than a sedentary male of average height and weight.
Does My Metabolism Slow Down With Age?
As we get older more people tend to become sedentary. And this can result in:
A loss of muscle mass (sedentary people don’t tend to use their muscles much and remember if you don’t use it you lose it.) If you lose muscle your metabolism slows down. This is because muscle is the most metabolically active tissue in our bodies.
Activity levels decrease ( if activity levels decrease you burn fewer calories which can make gaining weight easier). And the more overweight you get the harder it is to move and stay active and so you’ll lose even more muscle and be less active. And because you’ll have less muscle on your frame you’ll burn fewer calories and you’ll be less active so you’ll burn fewer calories in general from exercise.
So in fact someone can maintain a high metabolism in old age by:
Lifting weights 3-5 times per week will help build and maintain muscle mass.
Staying active will help you burn more calories so you’ll need to eat more calories to gain weight which will make gaining weight harder.
How Many Calories Should Children Eat?
I don’t recommend that children count calories. It’s normally too much of a hassle and often ends up being counterproductive for them.
Instead, encourage them to eat mostly nutritious foods and to keep active. Make sure to save the cheat foods for special occasions.
I have a great strategy for people who want to lose weight without counting their calories.
In the United Kingdom, the recommended daily calorie intake is to eat 2000 calories per day for females and 2500 calories for males (these figures are to maintain your weight).
These intakes most likely work for a lot of people. But there are a lot of people these general calorie intakes wouldn’t work for.
For example, a larger than average male in weight and height is going to need to eat more calories than the recommended daily intake.
And the smaller than average female in weight and height, and who is less active than the average female will need to eat significantly fewer calories to maintain her weight. Otherwise eating 2000 calories per day will be too much and lead to excessive fat gain in the long term.
How To Count Calories For Beginners
Calorie counting is actually very easy, all you need to do is download the app my fitness pal which is free and then plug in how many calories and protein you need to eat for whatever your goal is
My fitness pal has an extensive database of any food you could ever think of, so it’s extremely easy to track your calories using this app.
The Bottom Line On How Many Calories Should I Eat? (A Quick Guide)
Whether your goal is to lose weight or gain weight the number of calories you need to eat has to be personalised to you.
Cookie-cutter nutrition programs and dieting methods don’t work in the long term. You need to customise your nutrition to you.
Thank you for reading, if you want to work out a slightly more complicated but slightly more accurate method to gain weight and lose weight read the articles below.
When we spend our time doing hard things we get into a flow state.
A flow state takes occurs when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.
When our bodies and minds are stretched to there limits to achieve something difficult we stop focusing on the past or future.
The difficult task at hand (whatever it may be) forces us to be so present in the moment that it creates for us as Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi the author of flow says an “optimal experience”.
Doing Hard Things Makes Us Happier Individuals
When we push our boundaries, we get a deeply satisfying feeling.
And I honestly believe that if we’re not improving in our lives we’re almost certainly getting worse.
I’ll give you some examples:
Going to the gym and working out is a hard and uncomfortable thing to do compared to sitting on the sofa watching tv with a bag of crisps.
But even though you may not feel like going to the gym and end up going anyway, 9 times out of 10 you’ll always feel glad you went. In other words, you’ll never regret going to the gym to push your boundaries and improve yourself physically.
On the other hand, if you planned to go to the gym but didn’t go and instead watched tv on the sofa while eating a bag of crisps, you’ll feel a sense of dissatisfaction and guilt because you didn’t achieve anything meaningful.
I get this same feeling with writing, sometimes I dread writing but I’m always glad that I’ve written something.
The truth is spending our time on meaningful activities or projects fills us with a sense of achievement and happiness, whereas sedating ourselves with tv, food, drugs or porn fills us spiritually with guilt and leaves us feeling empty.
” Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV, And you think you’re so clever and classless and free, But you’re still fucking peasants as far as I can see”.
Regarding religion, I’m indifferent to what John says there because I believe that religion should have the primary goal to make man better and improve society as a whole and any religion that does that is a net good in the world.
But I do agree with the rest of what he says, there are a number of distractions and sources of instant gratification in this world that make doing hard things and getting into the flow state difficult.
If we focus on pleasure over meaningful action. Then we become a slave to our instincts.
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi puts what I’m trying to say well in his book flow:
” The person who cannot resist food or alcohol, or whose mind is constantly focused on sex, is not free to direct his or her psychic energy. “
If we become a slave to consumer culture how can we seriously control our psychic energy on meaningful tasks and get into the flow state which inherently is what leads to happiness?
The answer is if we become a slave to consumer culture putting our energy into meaningful tasks becomes harder and harder to do.
Being In The Flow State Embodies Virtues
When we put our energy into doing hard and difficult tasks, these tasks embody virtues. For example, putting your time and effort into building a healthier and stronger physique embodies virtues like self-control and courage.
Reading a difficult book requires self-control, and resolution. Climbing a mountain requires courage, self-control, and resolution.
In other words, doing hard and difficult things make us more respectable individuals. The people that we look up to in this world are generally people who have done amazingly hard and difficult things.
And pushing our boundaries physically and mentally makes us stronger individuals. As Friedrich Nietzsche says “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”
A List Of Difficult Tasks That Help You Get Into The Flow State And Achieve Happiness
Below is a list of activities that should help you get in the flow state. And as Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi says a flow state is an optimal experience of ultimate happiness.
Hiking.
Weightlifting.
Reading.
Writing.
Sports and extreme sports.
Meditation.
Work.
Any activity can help you get in the flow state if you become completely immersed in what you’re doing. But the easiest way to get into a flow state is to satisfy the below criteria.
For a flow state to occur you need to:
1. Push yourself either physically or mentally so you’re completely immersed in what you’re doing.
2. Have a clear goal in mind.
If I take each of the aforementioned activities you’ll see how they satisfy the flow criteria, but ultimately any activity can satisfy the criteria of being in a flow state.
Hiking And Walking
When you go on a hike there’s always a clear end goal. Climbing the summit of the mountain or reaching your desired destination. Each step of the way you’re covering new terrain and testing your limits totally absorbed by the scenery.
Those who have hiked mountains will know this unique feeling of being in a flow state.
Heres an excerpt from the book flow of a mountaineer describing being in the flow state:
“When you’re [climbing] you’re not aware of other problematic life situations. It becomes a world unto its own, significant only to itself. It’s a concentration thing. Once you’re into the situation, it’s incredibly real, and you’re very much in charge of it. It becomes your total world.”
Just like an Olympic athlete breaks their own records and is wholly absorbed by the goal at hand in their given sport, we can break our own records in whatever given sport we pursue.
Weightlifting provides one of the most tangible mediums to express our physical potential.
When you deadlift ( or perform any other exercise) and achieve a new personal record you’re always pushing your limits and not focusing on the past or future just the goal at hand.
This is what causes the flow state. And enjoyment occurs because when we push our limits we have to be fully immersed in the experience. And when we’re so fully in the moment negative emotions cease to exist.
Reading And Writing
Reading is a good way to push ourselves mentally rather than physically. Understanding new words, ideas, and concepts help us enter the state of flow because at the moment we are immersed in the book past and future cease to matter and we’re totally absorbed by the task at hand.
Writing is similar to reading because a decent chunk of time that you spend writing you spend reading.
Its also harder than reading, it takes more effort, but that’s part of why I love writing.
Writing immerses me more in the task at hand.
Sports And Extreme Sports
Competing against others in all sorts of sports forces us to be at our very best, and to be at our best we need to be fully immersed in the task at hand.
Why do you think climbing rock faces, bungee jumping and sky diving are activities that some people enjoy doing?
It’s because these activities force individuals to be present and fully immersed in the task at hand and enter the state of flow.
Meditation
The better you get at meditation the more control you have over consciousness. And being in full control of consciousness can immerse us deeply in the present moment. Thereby allowing us not to focus on the past or future but help us become deeply rooted in the present moment.
This full control over consciousness and becoming fully present can help us dissolve our egos and help us get into the flow state.
The goal of meditation is to create a duality of body and mind and have full control over consciousness. The more we do this the better we get in our spiritual endeavours.
Work
In any sort of work, we can always push our boundaries to improve. Just like the athlete focuses on improving his time at the 100m sprint, the production line worker can improve his speed and efficiency at the job at hand or position in the hierarchy.
For the writer, there will always be something to write about and the skill of writing can always be honed.
The delivery driver can focus on being as quick as he can (within reason) by finding the quickest routes and taking in whatever scenery may abound.
When we voluntarily push our limits and focus fully on our work we can enter the flow state quite easily.
As long as we’re open to it, we can enter the flow state in all situations in our daily lives. But difficult tasks are usually the best at helping us enter this state. They also genearly provide the largest rewards and benefits.
The Bottom Line On Why You Should Spend Time Doing Hard Things
Engaging in difficult activities that push our limits help us experience true happiness by allowing us to enter a state of flow.
Spending time on shallow activities like watching tv and browsing social media is okay in moderation but try to fill most of your day engaging in activities that help you get into a flow state (most activities can help you enter this flow state).
This article was inspired by the book Flow which I’m currently reading. I’ll probably do a book review on it in the near future.
Does spending your time on difficult but meaningful activities enhance your feelings of happiness? Let me know in the comments below.
Our ability to relax can have far-reaching effects on how enjoyable our lives are in general.
If we fail to regularly give ourselves the opportunity to relax we’re more likely to be chronically stressed which can have some consequences like:
Our bodies age faster.
We’re always in a high alert fight or flight state of mind.
We experience higher levels of systemic inflammation.
We become more susceptible to disease.
Whereas if we look after ourselves and give ourselves time to relax every day we can reverse these unwanted consequences.
Here are some time-proven tips on how to relax your muscles and mind:
1. Take Actions To Solve Deep-Rooted Problems
I start with this because things like drinking green tea, meditating, and listening to classical music won’t help you relax completely if your deep-rooted problems that are causing stress don’t come any closer to fruition.
For example, if you inherently dislike your job and dread going to work then the solution to reducing your job induced stress would be to find another job.
Or if you’re stressed because you are in a lot of credit card debt then your first port of call would be to start making monthly payments to your credit card.
Or if you’ve neglected your health for the past few years and feel self-conscious and unhealthy and this problem is causing most of your stress then improving your diet and regularly working out is what you should focus on to get healthy and solve your problem.
2. Listen To Relaxing Music
Classical music is perfect for relaxing your body and mind. Research shows that classical music:
My go-to classical music choices are Mozart, Beethoven and Bach.
Although you may find that other musical genres may help you relax. For example, listening to a wide variety of music can help me relax and uplift my mood.
There was a large study that included 42,093 Japanese Individuals and showed that drinking green tea was associated with lower levels of psychological distress.
Meditation is often made more complex than it needs to be. You don’t need to go on a Buddhist retreat to learn how to do it. You can do it anywhere here’s how you meditate:
Take 5-10 minutes to yourself and make sure you go somewhere where you won’t be distracted.
Then simply sit on a chair with an upright posture, close your eyes and focus on your breath for the whole 5 -10 minutes.
Once you’ve gotten better at this, start focusing on how each body part feels for 15 seconds per body part.
Also instead of focusing on your breath or each body part, you can just watch your thoughts.
Meditation is deeply satisfying and helps you develop a feeling of equanimity.
The billionaire American Investor Ray Dalio is an ardent fan of meditation and has been doing it since the 1960s.
Doing something for someone else, becoming a giver is deeply satisfying and can provide you with a sense of calm and achievement.
Just the feeling of being productive can have its own benefits. For example, I personally feel a lot better if throughout my day I have done something that matters or I’ve come a bit closer to my goals.
7. Breath Deeply
Breathing deeply can help you get out of your own head and reduce your stress levels in difficult situations.
Breathing deeply has almost identical benefits to meditation. If someone or something is getting to you and you feel overwhelmed with stress take 10 deep diaphragmatic breaths (not shallow breaths into the chest).
Once finished you’ll feel calmer, more present and less overwhelmed by daily stressors.
8. Have A Good Pre Bed Routine And Focus On Getting Good Quality Sleep
Ever had a bad night’s sleep and been cranky and irritable the next day? Yes, you have? me too. When we have a poor night’s sleep our bodies create more of the stress hormone cortisol.
To become calmer and avoid this spike in cortisol, focus on having a regular sleeping routine and ensuring that you get good quality sleep.
Here are some actions you can take to improve your quality of sleep:
Avoid looking at screens an hour before going to sleep. (The blue light from screens can mess with our sleeping patterns and thwart a good night’s sleep). Or you can use f.lux or the night shift mode (on apple devices) which reduces the blue light from electronic devices.
Have a reasonably firm mattress ( having a firm mattress can help our spines stay in proper anatomical alignment, thereby helping us sleep in a more natural and comfortable way).
This study shows that individuals with cancer who practised PMR had a greater perceived quality of life.
This study also shows that PMR can reduce feelings of anxiety and improve sleep quality.
PMR is relatively straightforward to do. Here’s how you do it:
Take 10 minutes out of your day and either lie down or sit somewhere where you won’t be distracted.
Then either sitting with an upright posture or lying down, focus on each body part.
You’ll first start with your feet, and focus on tensing your feet as hard as you can for 15 seconds and then relaxing, once you’re finished with your feet go to your calves, then quads then hamstrings all the way up to your face and forehead.
Again focus on each body part for 15 seconds and upon finishing you should feel a sense of calm and relaxation.
As long as you’re tensing each body part for 15 seconds and then relaxing you should feel the benefits of PMR.
PMR was invented by Edmund Jacobson and he believed that physical relaxation gives rise to mental calmness.
10. Get A Massage
Getting a massage can relax your body and mind for different reasons.
Using the aforementioned advice is all well and good but if you don’t know what the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems are and how they relate to your life, you won’t be able to make relaxation a fundamental part of your life.
The Sympathetic Nervous System
The sympathetic nervous system is what triggers a fight or flight response. Next time you get a fright/ shock from someone or something and feel the sudden unease and alertness the fight or flight response has been triggered.
Generally, when we spend more time in a fight or flight state we find it harder to relax because the fight or flight response is typically activated by a stressor.
Of course, we need both the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system in this world, but too much time spent in sympathetic system over drive can have many consequences such as :
A suppressed immune system.
Excessive oxidative stress.
Raised blood pressure.
Persistant inflammation.
Higher risk of diabetes.
Promote atherosclerosis.
Accelerate the onset of heart disease, kidney disease and dementia.
Ideally, we want a good balance between the sympathetic nervous system and parasympathetic nervous system.
The Para Sympathetic Nervous System
This nervous system is primarily activated in rest and digest conditions and all of the 10 tips I have mentioned in this article have a positive effect on activating the parasympathetic nervous system.
As a rule of thumb the more time we spend in the parasympathetic state the more relaxed we’ll be.
And the more time we spend in the sympathetic state the more stressed we’ll be.
My favourite ways to get into the parasympathetic state are deep breathing, reading, drinking tea and listening to music.
How To Relax Your Muscles And Mind: 10 Proven Strategies That Actually Work
Being in a chronic state of stress can give rise to a whole host of ailments.
Whereas spending more time in a relaxed state can make life more enjoyable, make us more productive and help us sleep easier.
Our ability to relax has a significant impact on our lives. If we regularly carve out time in our days to relax, our lives will be more enjoyable.
What are your favourite ways to relax? Let me know in the comments below.
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