- Experiencing the world and different activities. If you never try anything new, it will be impossible to find what you enjoy.
- Going out of your comfort zone. I recently flew to Rome, a place I’ve always wanted to go to, and I went solo. It helped me build so much confidence in myself.
- Eating healthily and working out. True happiness is being in impeccable health.
- Reading. When you read, you learn about some of the most interesting people who have graced this earth. It’s safe to say we can learn how to be happy from exceptional people. My favourite books are Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations, Principles by Ray Dalio and Benjamin Franklin’s Biography, An American Life. They taught me and helped me look at life through a different paradigm.
- Happiness is in doing things, not achieving things. For example, I love to read and write. No matter how many people read my posts or books I read, I love reading and writing, so I’ll continuously pursue them for their own sake.
- Don’t smoke, overdrink or do drugs. Never let anything or anyone overly infiltrate and compromise your mind. It’s all you have. I’ve done some of the most stupid and regretful things when I’ve been drunk.
- Engage in hobbies. We all like different things; experiment with hobbies, and you’ll eventually find hobbies you enjoy. Having activities we regularly do that we enjoy makes us happier.
- Get 8 hours of deep, quality sleep every night. This is the most underrated tip of all time.
- Change how you view negative situations and stressors. We can’t be happy all the time. Negative emotions serve a purpose; they help us avoid situations that we shouldn’t get involved in, and they’re just as important as positive emotions. For example, in poetry, writing, and music, some of the best artistic endeavours have come from a place of melancholic emotions. Art wouldn’t be so beautiful if only filled with positive emotions and fake smiles.
- Socialise. There’s no better sense of happiness than laughing with friends and family.
- Direct your life to some overall meaning. Whether that’s the goal of being an artist, a police officer, or a doctor, whatever it is, having something you’re aiming for in your life helps you get through the bad times because he who has a reason to live can get through any how.
Tag: life
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What’s The Secret To Happiness ( 11 Things That Help)
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Why It’s Important to Make Even Small Progress Towards Your Goals
You’re ahead of someone who isn’t trying, even if you take the smallest step.
Because every time we work towards a specific goal, we increase our chances of achieving that goal.
For example:
The more often you go to the gym, the more likely you are to be physically strong.
The more you read, the more you boost your erudition.
The more you write and post online, the more likely you are to build an audience.
You get the point.
But the more you get stuck in inertia and never put any effort into achieving your goals, the more likely you’ll stagnate and even get worse as time passes.
In my opinion, the best progress is slow progress.
Because slow progress is maintainable.
And progress is usually slow.
So be grateful for the progress you make, no matter how small.
It will spur you on to achieve more.
Here’s how I’m following my advice:
I’m writing at least 30 minutes per day.
I’m working out daily, even if that means only going on a walk ( but I strength train thrice weekly).
I’m reading daily.
So, if I complete these three tasks every day, I will have voted three times for myself to become a better person.
After a year, I would have voted 1095 times to become a better person.
Whenever we complete a habit that improves us, we vote for ourselves to become better people.
The secret to life is voting for yourself every day throughout your life.
If you start practising this advice now.
In a few years, you’ll be thanking me.
I’ve already witnessed the benefits of voting for yourself.
I learned this idea from James Clear, author of Atomic Habits.
I highly recommend you read Atomic Habits; It’s a great book.
If you can’t afford to pay for his book, you can read his articles for free on Jamesclear.com.
I have much more respect for the person in the arena fighting with his blood, sweat, and tears to actualise his potential than for the person who never has the courage to do anything worthwhile.
Start small, achieve big.
A journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step.
The key is to keep taking those steps.
Don’t give up after taking a few, like most people do.
Yes, you will doubt yourself.
But persevere.
If you do.
You’ll be unstoppable.
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How To Turn Your Life Around When It’s Going No Where
Unemployed?
Apply for jobs, no matter how beneath you they may seem. ( I used to be a pot washer for KFC.) You need to start somewhere.
Broke?
When you get your entry-level job, save at least 10% of your income every month until you have three months’ worth of income. This works well as a safety fund, which will support you if anything bad happens and you need to pay out sudden expenses. Once you have your safety fund, I’d start investing in the stock market, i.e., the S&P 500.
Miserable?
Start engaging in hobbies and activities that you enjoy for their own sake. I like reading, going on walks, playing chess, watching football, TV series, and films, and working out. You won’t have time to feel miserable when you’re engaged in activities you enjoy for their own sake.
Balding?
Join the club (the below picture shows my receding hairline).
Like many men I’ve faced this problem : it’s best to either shave your head, i.e., get a buzz cut, or get a hair transplant. Pick one. I don’t care enough about my hair to get a hair transplant; I’d rather put that money towards investments or a holiday.
Living with parents?
Use it to your advantage to try to climb the ladder in your entry-level role (even in jobs like working at Kentucky Fried Chicken KFC, you can earn a decent salary by climbing up the ladder), and eventually, you’ll earn enough money to rent your own place or maybe even buy your own house. While you’re living with your parents, you can save more, so make the most out of it.
Friendless?
Join meetup groups (ie meet up.com), and you’ll be able to meet like-minded people.
Pursue hobbies which will help you meet people who are interested in similar things to you. There are even apps where you can make friends. You could also reach out to some colleagues (when you get your job) or some old friends to rekindle old friendships.
Depressed and miserable?
Again, focus your energies on activities you enjoy. It’s almost impossible to feel depressed when you’re doing something you enjoy. If you feel miserable, maybe journal down why you feel that way. You may be able to untangle your mind on paper and find the root cause of your unhappiness. Once you know the root cause, you can take steps to become happier.
You can definitely turn your life around.
Many other people have.
So, if another human can do it.
So can you.
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16 Things You Learn As You Get Older
- No one gives a fuck what you do. So, make decisions for you.
- Hangovers aren’t worth it.
- Health is wealth.
- Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
- You need to accept reality as it is rather than as you want it to be.
- Do the best with what you’ve got where you are.
- Comparison will steal your joy.
- If you get better one day at a time, you can eventually become the person you want to become.
- Sometimes, you need to part ways with people who aren’t good for you.
- Travel when you’re young. Don’t put it off until you’re retired; do it when you look and feel the best.
- Make time for what you enjoy. It’s the ultimate coping mechanism.
- Money isn’t everything, but it certainly helps you live more comfortably.
- Porn isn’t worth it. Life is better without porn.
- Spend time with your parents. They aren’t getting any younger.
- Be careful who you choose as your spouse. Choosing the wrong partner is a death sentence.
- Find ways to relax. It’s one of the most important things.
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What To Do When Nothing Goes Your Way
Focus on improving all areas of your life.
I’ve started working out three times a week (doing full-body workouts )and going on daily walks. I get 80–90% of my calories from whole foods. I’m also staying hydrated and prioritising getting good sleep every night ( 8 hours is best).
Intellectual goals- I’m trying to improve my intellect so that I know more and can do more. When we know more and can do more, we’re more useful in general. Nothing bad can occur from improving your mind.
Spiritual goals: I’ve started a meditation practice where I meditate 2 x 20 minutes per day focusing on my breathing. It’s helping me become more calm, patient and I’m getting less caught up in my mind.
Monetary goals: I always try to take on more responsibility in my day job. This builds my skills and helps develop my character. Doing difficult things is great for us; I also save and invest 20% of my income each month, which will hopefully give me financial freedom in the long run.
Even when trying to be the best version of yourself, you’ll experience setbacks. They’re part of life.
Just like you get hot and cold days, realise you get good and bad days, and they’re both sides of the same coin. Realise that this moment will pass, and the further you go through a bad patch, the closer you are to the good times.
Try not to let the bad times affect you too much, and the same for the good times. They’re both part of life.
Another strategy to make you feel better is to, direct your energies toward something you enjoy, i.e. a hobby.
This will help you through those dark times in your life because most people experience enjoyment when they engage in hobbies. When we experience joy, we tend not to think about things that are not going well in our lives.
We all experience bad times, and just knowing this fact doesn’t make it any easier, but just hold in there, and you’ll get through it.
I like this analogy:
“To be like the rock that the waves keep crashing over. It stands unmoved and the raging of the sea falls still around it.” – Marcus Aurelius.
We need to be like this when life gives us its worst.
Undefeatable.
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Why Charles Bukowski’s Don’t Try Advice Will Change Your Life
Takeaways:
- To not try is to live authentically, tap into the energies of your soul and pursue a life you truly want.
- Please don’t do things for praise or esteem; we need to do things because we’re internally driven to do them. If we’re internally driven, we’re far more likely to succeed.
- Think with your heart over your mind. Your heart tells you the truth. Get in touch with your intuition.
Don’t Try.
The late Charles Bukowski wrote many books, including Post Office and Ham on Rye.
Throughout his life he worked mediocre jobs but always wanted to become a writer.
It took him decades to get a book published.
But throughout his life he consistently would sit down and write.
His secret was the fact that he didn’t try.
Charles lead his life by following the don’t try mantra.
So much so that he had the words “don’t try” put on his headstone.
I believe the secret to life is not to try.
It’s the ultimate truth.
It doesn’t mean we need to be lazy.
It means we must live authentically and pursue lives we’re drawn to.
Take writing, for instance. I love it and always feel better after writing.
I don’t get paid for it; I do it out of love.
Or, take working out. I always feel great afterwards, and I do it for its own sake. I never have to try.
This advice isn’t easy to follow primarily because we live in a materialistic culture seeped in philistinism.
We’re told to keep up with the Joneses, make more money, get a better car, and max out our credit cards.
Last year, I lived a life I hated. I compared myself to others and tried to improve my status in the hierarchy.
At the expense of my own happiness.
What happened was I killed myself doing overtime, gave all my time to a girlfriend who didn’t care about me and above all, I was trying extremely hard for nothing.
When we try at life, we’re trying for someone else dreams, not our own.
If we truly love something and want our lives to be a certain way, we’ll naturally gravitate towards what we want out of life.
But the biggest thing I want you to take away from this is:
Whatever you do, don’t get in your own way.
Life is very easy, but our minds make it more complicated.
In reality we need to get in touch with our true selves.
And then life won’t feel like an uphill battle. Because when we love our lives, we don’t try.
Why would you try to love your life?
You either love it or you don’t.
And trying makes you aim for something external. Something false.
The truth of life:
We need to live a life we love so much that if someone forced us to live our lives, we’d bite their hand off.
Below is a picture of Charles Bukowski’s “ don’t try” headstone.
Think With Your Heart More Than Your Head
In the book Man In Search Of A Soul By Carl Jung, he writes about a time he spoke with the Pueblo Indians, and they told him that:
“Americans were mad because they believed their thoughts were in their heads, whereas any sensible man knows that he thinks with his heart”.
To not try means to be in touch with our intuitions, our hearts, and God.
The Concept Of Dukkha
In Buddhism, Dukkha is the concept of dissatisfaction, suffering, or imperfection.
It’s a natural part of life.
And it arises in the mind.
You and I will experience Dukkha.
But if we can think with our hearts rather than our minds and be in touch with our authentic selves.
Then, we can limit the amount of Dukkha we experience.
But whatever you do, don’t get caught in your mind.
Detach.
And embrace Bukowski’s don’t try philosophy.
Start today.
Takeaways:
To not try is to live authentically, tap into the energies of your soul and pursue a life you truly want.
Please don’t do things for praise or esteem; we need to do things because we’re internally driven to do them. If we’re internally driven, we’re far more likely to succeed.
Think with your heart over your mind. Your heart tells you the truth. Get in touch with your intuition.
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Why Dating Is Just Like Sales ( 4 Reasons Why)
In this brave new world, finding love is as desirable as ever. But it’s much different from when people dated in the 20th century. Some say it’s better, and some say it’s worse, but either way, I believe that modern dating is just like sales.
Here’s why:
- When you date (especially usually dating apps), you are in a dating pool, and your job is to get warm leads, for example, 100; from those 100, you may only be interested in 10, and from those 10, you may find your one unicorn. But to find the one, we need to increase our leads.
- Modern life is as competitive as ever. In order to find the best spouse, we need to be the best people we can be. Otherwise, we settle for someone who is well below our standards and, alas, get a divorce.
- The state of culture makes finding the right person harder, and being able to sell ourselves is vital for finding the right spouse.
- Because of social media, everyone compares, so if you aren’t up to a decent standard, there are many others out there. If we can sell ourselves better than anyone else, this puts us in a position of power.
Now, we’ll dive deeper into these reasons.
1. Dating Is A Numbers Game
In the past two relationships, I found my ex-partners on dating apps. Here’s how the process started: I got x number of matches, went on dates, and found my previous girlfriends.
My mistake was selling myself to the wrong partners. We must sell ourselves to only the people we want to be with, not just anyone.
This is a hard idea to grasp, especially for those who grew up with television, because normally, the guy and gal meet each other in school or college, fall in love, and then are happily married and have a family.
I thought this would happen to me. If I found someone who was generally a good person and we loved each other, then we could make it work. (As a side note, only 1/4 of first-time relationships last.)
I was wrong. Now, I believe a successful relationship with a spouse is about having three things: heaps of trust, compatibility, and love.
Love isn’t enough by itself, and it never will be.
When you’re in the dating pool, it’s very important to be picky about who you choose to be your spouse.
The most important lesson from my previous failed relationships is to be very picky and not commit too soon. Try before you buy.
It doesn’t matter if you need to go on 100 dates. If you’re going to make the decision to be with someone for the rest of your life, you need to be wholly committed.
2. Be Competitive
In this competitive world, everyone is looking for more out of their relationships. It’s extremely important to constantly improve ourselves. If you’re not improving yourself already, start now.
Over the months and years, you’ll evolve to be an even better, more effective, and successful person, and you’ll attract spouses you generally want to be with. Don’t just settle because you’re ‘lonely’. One-third to half of all marriages fail.
The truth is we need to be very careful before we commit to a life partner.
3. Navigating Dating In Our Culture
Culture makes it more difficult than ever to find the right spouse. In the twentieth century, you’d meet your spouse in a pub or in the local community. Everyone was much more social, and the culture had more traditional Christian values.
In this Brave new world, finding the right spouse is like looking for a needle in a haystack.
4. Be Competitive But Avoid The Comparison Trap
The Comparison trap—Everyone uses social media, and the “grass is always greener” mentality is common.
On my dating journey, I’m trying to find genuine and authentic spouses who aren’t addicted to scrolling on social media 24/7. It’s literal junk food for your brain.
Make Sure You’re Not A Simp ( My Story Of Being A Simp)
I was in a relationship with Jenny. I met her on the dating app Hinge, and we dated for a couple of months. After I begged her to go out with me, she did, although I didn’t think she wanted to.
We were in a relationship for around a year; I constantly said I loved her, bought her flowers, and got her nice presents for birthdays and Christmas (spending far too much). Our sexual life was nonexistent.
She reciprocated almost zero love for me. Now, it’s clear to me that I was undoubtedly a simp, but I didn’t know it at the time.
Before getting into a relationship with Jenny, I read a popular book called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, and one of the five love languages described was receiving gifts (so I bought her gifts constantly as she seemed to like them).
I also took a quote from the book: literally, the quote was:
“But to you who are listening, I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you…. Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them.” Luke 6:27-31 (from the bible).
So, even though she wasn’t reciprocating my love, I thought, “If I keep showing her how much I love her, no matter what, she has to love me back.”
Oh, I couldn’t have been more wrong. In this relationship, I lost my sense of self-respect. Driving back from London (we’d been on a road trip), she said to me when we were talking about money, “You could spend more on me; I am your girlfriend,” even though she was showing me no love.
She went to Thailand to visit family for 2 weeks and returned, and she ended the relationship without seeing me. I was distraught because I had given her my all for a year.
The lesson I’ve learned is don’t be a simp and only get in a relationship with someone who truly respects you and treats you like you want to be treated.
Relationships only work when they’re reciprocal. You harm yourself by acting like a simp.
Most people don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who acts like a simp primarily because it’s inauthentic.
As a note: Jenny isn’t her real name; it’s a pseudonym to hide her identity.
The Bottom Line On Why Dating Is Just Like Sales
Put yourself out there, increase your dating pool, become the best person you can be, be picky, and don’t settle for someone who isn’t right for you.
Realise that love isn’t enough. When choosing your life partner, you need to be wholly committed. Is it a f$ck yes or a f$ck no to the relationship? But whatever you do, don’t be a simp.
Do you agree with my article on why dating is just like sales? What do you think? Let me know by commenting below. Please press the like button if you found it helpful.
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