Before I started writing online, one of the main things holding me back was the question, “What will people think of me?” This left me paralysed for so long that I didn’t start writing until way later in my life than I should have.
Now that I write consistently, I’ve learnt that some people like my writing, some people don’t, and some people are indifferent to it, a bit like how people are to me in real life.
And even when people don’t like my writing and comment negative things on my posts it really isn’t that bad in fact if you’re not p*issing a few people off with your writing your not doing it properly.
When I annoy people, I know I stand for something that is normally the opposite of what they value.
But these people who comment negative things on my posts don’t realise they’re helping me. Because the maxim “any publicity is good publicity” is true up to a certain extent.
Because at least if you’re getting negative comments on your posts, your writing isn’t boring and getting ignored. And there’s nothing worse than boring writing.
But the fact is, as a writer (and anyone posting content online), you’ll probably have to write a lot of boring stuff to write something good. It’s the natural progression you sign up for as a writer; you don’t become Montaigne overnight.
Anyway, that brings me back to the point of making decisions for you because in reality no one really cares, everyone is all in there little worlds and focused on themselves I mean I am 99% of the time and honestly I can’t remember a time when I was so offended by someone that I tried to stop them doing what they wanted to do.
The benefit of living in a Western country (I live in the UK) is that you can do what you want for the most part. But the fear of people’s opinions can stop us from exercising this freedom (as it has for me in the past).
This reminds me of two quotes by Roman emperor and philosopher Marcus Aurelius:
“We should listen only to those whose lives conform to nature. And the others? He bears in mind what sort of people they are—both at home and abroad, by night as well as day—and who they spend their time with. And he cares nothing for their praise—men who can’t even meet their own standards.”
I love this quote and come back to it time and time again because it’s so true. The fact is, we love ourselves more than others, but why do we care more about other people’s opinions than our own?
As a personal heuristic, I try to only listen to people whom I respect and who are virtuous, the type of people who can meet their own high standards.
“Then what is to be prized? An audience clapping? No. No more than the clacking of their tongues. Which is all that public praise amounts to—a clacking of tongues.”
I also come back to this piece of wisdom time and time again because we shouldn’t do things solely to get external praise; we should do things that we’re proud of for their own sake.
For example, when I write, I always try to post things I’m happy with. Of course, external praise is nice in the sense that it’s good to help people and have a positive impact on their lives.
But we shouldn’t crave other people’s praise so much that we lose a sense of why we’re really pursuing something. For example, I write because I’m learning as I go through life (I don’t claim to have everything figured out), and every post I write is a way for me to learn more about myself and the world, and as a side effect, I help others, and I also enjoy the flow state writing gets me into.
So I’ll drive the point home:
I promise no one cares what you’re doing. So start making decisions for you before your life is all used up. Start today because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.
I wasn’t initially going to write this article. I had something else in mind. But I felt so compelled to write this that I couldn’t stop myself from doing so.
But before I get into the meat and potatoes of this article, I want to say thank you to my two paid subscribers, who give me so much encouragement and motivation to continue writing, and as a whole, thank you to all my subscribers, you are all, as we say in North East England, “Legends”.
Recently, I’ve been getting stressed about finding the right partner
Two weeks ago, I matched with this amazing Catholic woman on the dating app Hinge, and she seemed perfect. She was exactly what I was looking for in a partner.
We spoke on the phone for maybe 4 or 5 hours across the week, then we went for a meal together.
And I had a nice time, but I was talking way too much and rambling on about myself. I went against my own advice: I have two ears and one mouth, so I should listen twice as much as I speak.
I knew I was breaking my own rules of social conduct, but I couldn’t control my tongue, and I knew I ended up rambling on about silly things.
But anyway, a couple of days after our date, I was meant to be calling her, but she texted me saying that she wasn’t attracted to me spiritually and as a whole, so the phone call never happened.
This hurt because no one likes rejection, and I thought I found a unicorn because out of all the people I’ve dated and been in relationships with, I’ve never come across anyone like her.
But I respect her boundaries and wishes, and I actually appreciate her honesty, which tells me where I need to improve.
Because truth be told, I’m in the process of becoming Catholic, and spiritually, I have been feeling better going to church every Saturday, but the woman I went on a date with has been Catholic her whole life and is deeply involved in the church.
So even though I have grown spiritually, what I learned from meeting her was that I have a lot of spiritual growth yet to be realised before I can attract someone like her. Which is fine because embarking on this spiritual journey will only make me happier and a better person.
I’ve started going to church mass as much as possible
Every time I go to church mass, I feel better for it spiritually, so by only going to mass once per week, I’m leaving a lot of spiritual gains on the table.
So now I’m trying to go to mass daily (my current streak is 4 days in a row).
And I’m feeling much better, and I’ve stopped being so focused on finding a partner. I know that if I work on my spiritual health, everything else will fall in place, even my romantic relationships.
The strange thing that happened
I recently joined a new gym, and I looked up and in front of me was one of my ex-girlfriends, in fact, the first ever girlfriend I had when I was 16 years old, and the relationship ended really badly.
She said “Hi”, and I said, “Hi back”. I felt like I saw a ghost. I was lost for words and left the gym shortly after (I finished my workout anyway).
I will say I wish my ex-girlfriend, whom I saw all the best, if she ever reads this.
But I think seeing her is God’s or the universe’s way of telling me something.
I think I bumped into my ex-girlfriend to make me realise how badly that relationship went, and to remember not to worry about relationships because when you rush into them, they never end well, as I’ve experienced.
I think God was telling me, “Henry, don’t worry about finding a partner. Remember how bad your relationship with your ex-girlfriend went? I will see to it that you meet the right person when the time is right. Be patient.”
And this is how I make sense of the encounter.
The reason why it was strange was that I hadn’t seen this ex-girlfriend in around 10 years.
But I do believe in God/ some universal force and that everything happens for a reason, because what’s the alternative? To believe everything is meaningless? I’d rather try to make sense of it all as best I can.
So to drive the point home, I’ve learned from being rejected that I need to grow spiritually if I really want to make the most out of my life/ attract the right people into my life. And I’ll try my best to grow spiritually by going to Catholic mass as much as possible and putting into practice what I learn from Biblical teachings. And I won’t rush into finding a partner because I know that doing that in the past has only got me into trouble.
Thank you for reading, dear subscriber.
If you need help with anything, don’t hesitate to reach out.
Toodle-oo for now
-Henry
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Hugh Macleod is a writer (on his blog gapingvoid.com) and cartoonist.
He’s best known for his writing, which features his signature sketches, which are drawn on the back of business cards.
If I could sum this book up in one sentence, it would be:
Work hard, be consistent in your creative pursuit, be yourself and authentic, and put your stamp on the creative process.
Ignore Everybody is comprised of 39 nuggets of wisdom that aim to help you and I in our creative endeavours.
He talks in the book about being a child at nursery.
And what do children do at nursery?
They play with crayons.
Our creative pursuit is a way for us to play with crayons, so to speak, as adults.
For me, blogging is my way of playing with crayons.
It’s play.
I try to remind myself of this when I don’t feel like writing.
But then I remembered a quote I read in Carl Jung’s Book, Modern Man In Search of a Soul:
“Man is completely human only when he is playing”.
Then it dawned on me that the creative act is no easy feat.
Yet the feeling, once the creative act is completed, imbues one with a sense of euphoria ( from my experience).
Humans have been playing with crayons for millennia (figuratively speaking).
You just need to look at sites like the Gobustan National Park in Azerbaijan, where some drawings are 40,000 years old.
Anyway, let’s get to the Takeaways:
1. The sovereignty you have over your work will inspire far more people than the actual content ever will. How your own sovereignty inspires other people to find their own sovereignty, their own sense of freedom and possibility, will give the work far more power than the work’s objective merits ever will.
There’s one thing that separates good writers from bad writers.
The good writers show up every day, no matter how they feel.
They do the work no matter what.
That’s why they sell the most books, have the most impact, and are, in essence, successful in the first place.
They exercise the sovereignty they have over their work.
They take responsibility for their work.
And above all, they ship the work.
And it’s only when you ship the work that you can inspire others to do the same.
2. Doing anything worthwhile takes forever. Ninety percent of what separates successful people and failed people is time, effort, and stamina.
Are you willing to show up every day (or at least most days)?
Are you willing to think in terms of decades rather than years?
Are you able to see the bigger picture?
Are you able to find joy in the work?
These are all important questions we should ask ourselves about our commitment to the creative act.
If the answer is yes to these questions we’re bound to leave our mark on the world.
Not for wholly selfish reasons but to help ourselves and help others.
It’s entirely possible to be selfish and unselfish at the same time.
I think this is required to live a happy life.
But most of all, you need to find joy in your work.
Everything else springs from this.
Especially in the creative act.
3. Nobody suddenly discovers anything. Things are made slowly and in pain.
Ernest Hemingway once said:
“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”
The creative act is slow and painful.
But above all.
It’s worthwhile.
One of the most famous artists in history is Michelangelo.
It took him four years to paint the fresco in the Sistine Chapel, Vatican City.
It was mentally and physically demanding.
And no doubt he would have suffered physical and mental pain.
But if you go to the Sistine Chapel ( like I did in April), you will see why Michelangelo is held in such high regard.
It’s because his artwork is truly sublime.
This level of sublime only arises through hard work and pushing one’s artistic abilities to the limit.
4. MAKING A BIG DEAL OVER YOUR CREATIVE shtick to other people is the kiss of death. That’s all I have to say on the subject.
I couldn’t agree more with this quote.
If you want to be a writer, you write.
What you don’t do is tell your friends and family, “ I’m working on this book,” “ I write this and that,” or “ I want to be a New York Times best-selling author.”
No, no, no.
A real writer does two things.
He reads a lot.
He writes a lot.
He doesn’t make a big deal over his writing.
If people ask him about it, he always downplays the writing and dismisses it as a hobby.
This helps him do two things:
Takes the pressure away from him so he can focus on the art.
Allows him to make his unique art without modifying it to win the approval of others who don’t care.
5. “Your book has thirteen chapters,” I say. “Voilà! That’s thirteen blog posts. One chapter per blog post. Put it online, and you’ll have a book offer within six months. Trust me.”
In the book, Hugh recalls a time when he had dinner with a friend named Marie.
She wants to write a book, but is more interested in cuddling up to the powers that be in the publishing world (to get her book published ) than writing it on a blog and trialing it out online.
Hugh recommends that if you want to write a book, you should not worry about publishers or the powers that be.
Write one article per chapter of the book you plan on writing and see how its received online.
If people resonate with your writing, great.
If not, then you move on to the next writing project.
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The Book When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi follows Paul’s life as a neurosurgeon before and after he is diagnosed with Terminal lung cancer. The book is split into two parts: Paul’s life as a resident Neurosurgeon and his experiences before his terminal lung cancer diagnosis, and his life after he is diagnosed. Paul shows us how to live and die. This book is a worldwide bestseller and one of my favourite books of late.
The author James Clear, who wrote the bestseller Atomic Habits, also created the Atoms Habit-Building app. I’ve been using this app for over a hundred days and focusing on cultivating three main habits—reading, writing, and working out/walking every day. So far, thanks to the app, I’ve been able to write on 126 days, read on 131 days and work out/ walk on 170 days. Each time you complete a task for the day, you cast a vote to be a better you. I’ve built important habits using this app, hopefully for the long term. I highly recommend using this app.
Daily meditation. Before sleeping, I’ve been sitting on my bed with my feet on the floor, maintaining an erect posture, setting a timer for 10 minutes, closing my eyes, staying as still as possible, focusing on the natural rhythm of my breath. I’ve found that this simple meditation practice makes me less reactive and much calmer. Try this meditation practice and see what you think.
I like this quote from the Novel Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk: “You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else, and we are all part of the same compost pile”. I grew up with a sense of entitlement. I thought I was destined for greatness. I know this sounds corny, but I think many of us feel we’re meant for something great. The fact is, there’s nothing special about us inherently. If we want to achieve something extraordinary, ie be a top writer, athlete, businessman or whatever, we need to put enough reps in and earn our stripes until we are worthy of greatness. The harder we work, the luckier we get. And many normal people ( and we are all normal) have done great things. Why can’t we? We can as long as we are willing to do the work.
The Sufi mystic poet Rumi said, “As you start to walk on the way, the way appears.” Clarity comes from action. Jordan Peterson tells us that we need to aim at something on the path to meaning. Even if we aim badly, at least we know what we don’t want. When we act, we get valuable information that takes us forward. Our goals might change as we act and adapt to our circumstances, but action is the cornerstone.
What was Albert Einstein’s religion? From the book Einstein: His Life and Universe, “The final intellectual hero of the Olympia Academy was Baruch Spinoza (1632–1677), the Jewish philosopher from Amsterdam. His influence was primarily religious: Einstein embraced his concept of an amorphous God reflected in the awe-inspiring beauty, rationality, and unity of nature’s laws. But like Spinoza, Einstein did not believe in a personal God who rewarded and punished and intervened in our daily lives.” Elon Musk also resonates with Spinoza’s concept of an Amorphous god.
13 ways to stop overthinking: Write, i.e., journal, and try to solve why you are overthinking. There might be something you can do about it. For example, if you are overthinking about your health, then book an appointment with your doctor instead of thinking about it. Or if you are overthinking about a problem in your life, i.e., managing money and your finances, read the top three best-selling books in money and financial management. Try to untangle your thoughts on the page and get to a solution. 2. Go to therapy. I’ve been seeing a clinical psychologist for several months, and I’ve learned more about myself and my neuroses (and I have a lot of them) than I have in years of self-reflection. Marcus Aurelius said, “ Don’t be ashamed to need help. Like a soldier storming a wall, you have a mission to accomplish. And if you’ve been wounded and you need a comrade to pull you up? So what?“Don’t be afraid to ask for help. 3. Go for a brisk walk. 4. Have a cup of tea. 5. Read. 6. Blog. 7 .Make videos.8.Use that pent-up energy to be creative. 8. Meditate. 9. Spend time with family and friends. 10. When you engage in hobbies, you’ll stop overthinking because you’ll be so enthralled in what you’re doing. 11. Lift weights. 12. Realise that the fact that you know you’re overthinking means that your awareness that observes your overthinking isn’t overthinking. This observation can be powerful and help you detach from overthinking tendencies. Remember you are not your mind. Make sure your mind doesn’t control you. You’re in the driving seat.
To produce creative work, make the process as easy as possible ( this goes for building any habit). For example, I used to do most of my writing on my MacBook, but I find it much easier to write on my phone, so every post I’ve produced has been written on my phone for the past couple of months.
How to get rid of health anxiety. Health anxiety is something I’ve struggled with for years, but what helps me is to be in the best shape possible, where I look and feel my best. If I look and feel my best, I tend not to worry about my health.
“The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read”- Mark Twain. In my past relationship, I stopped being myself. I stopped reading, writing and due to the fact I had chronic wrist pain (which luckily I’ve had surgery to fix) I felt depressed( a large part of it was because I was in a relationship I shouldn’t have been in) and because I wasn’t reading my brain was less sharp, I stopped getting good ideas, and I found life almost without meaning. Now that I’m back reading and writing, I feel better and sharper than I have in a long time. The more we read, the more we know, and the more we know, the more we can do, and the more we can do, the more opportunities we have to succeed. Even reading 30 minutes daily is enough to read 24-36 books yearly! That’s much better than reading zero books.
We need to be aware of specific laws of human nature because not being aware of them can cause us problems.
Human nature can be ugly. But it can also be used to our advantage.
The first step is awareness.
Here are the 18 laws: in brackets is my description of the laws.
Master your emotional self (develop emotional intelligence).
Transform self-love into empathy ( Get into the minds of others).
See through people’s masks (look beyond the surface). ( A kitchen may seem tidy, but the cupboards can be a mess. First impressions can be misleading).
Determine the strength of people’s character ( how they respond in difficult times is a good way to test their character).
Become an Elusive object to desire.
Elevate your perspective ( be objective and see things how they are).
Soften people’s resistance by confirming their self-opinion.
Change your circumstances by changing your attitude (mindset is everything).
Confront your dark side.
Beware the fragile ego.
Know your limits.
Reconnect to the masculine or feminine within you.
Advance with a sense of purpose (know where you’re going).
Resist the downward pull of the group (beware of the crabs in the bucket mentality; the gravest sin a crab can make is to escape the bucket).
Make them want to follow you (lead by example).
See the hostility behind the friendly facade (beware of the Trojan horse).
Seize the historical moment (exploit opportunities, the biggest of all being the internet).
Meditate on our common mortality (realise deeply that you can die at any moment and let this thought push you to squeeze the juice out of life).
I will focus on the takeaways I’ve saved from the book that had the most significant impact on me.
1.”What if we could look deep inside and judge people’s character, avoiding the bad hires and personal relationships that cause us so much emotional damage?”
Robert talks about the fact that people have two sides to them: their true selves and the facade they want to show you. Because most people seem pleasant at first, they say all the right things.
Anyone can put on a facade. We need to judge a person’s character deeply before getting involved with them romantically or professionally.
In my last relationship, my ex seemed amazing at first. She knew exactly what to say to get me on her side. I should have seen the red flags when she said she loved me more than anything after two weeks. No one falls for someone this easily. She only showed me affection and gave me words of affirmation because she knew that I’d like it. In essence, she did it to influence me. She wasn’t honest at all about what she was saying. She loved bombed me.
The love bombing got worse, and I was slowly manipulated even more to the point I was with her almost 24/7, and she would be upset if I said I wanted my own space. She even tried to stop me from going out with my friends. The relationship ended badly, but it was the best thing that could have happened, although it caused a lot of pain and suffering.
All of the pain and suffering could have been avoided if I had really tried to judge her character before getting intimate with her.
So my takeaway is this: Be very careful who you choose to spend your life with or who you hire (especially for a highly responsible role). Choosing the right person has a huge upside, but choosing the wrong person can be detrimental.
2. “I do not ask the wounded person how he feels … I myself become the wounded person.” –Walt Whitman
It is human nature to be narcissistic and self-centred. But what’s the best response to this? To turn that into empathy for others, focus on helping others instead of only yourself.
That’s why I write and give to charity.
Helping others is the primary reason we’re on this earth, in my opinion.
We need to see things from others’ points of view and empathise with them.
It’s the most human thing to do.
Recently, I started going to therapy.
My therapist listened. She deeply understood where I was coming from and how abnormal some of the things I dealt with growing up were.
One example of this was the fact that my mum had been in and out of psychiatric hospitals since I was three to when I was a teenager, and I always found it challenging to get to grips with (being without a mother for a long period during my formative years, although I still love my mum a lot and know she couldn’t help it).
My therapist empathised with me; it was one of the best feelings I’ve ever had.
I felt recognised and heard.
A good friend can also do this. I do have some friends with whom I can discuss these issues.
The key is to love your neighbour like yourself.
I recommend everyone try therapy to see if it helps them; it definitely helps me. I may write an article about therapy at some point.
3. “At last I have what I wanted. Am I happy? Not really. But what’s missing? My soul no longer has that piquant activity conferred by desire … Oh, we shouldn’t delude ourselves—pleasure isn’t in the fulfillment, but in the pursuit. “—Pierre-Augustin Caron de Beaumarchais
Whatever goal we choose, we must be internally motivated to achieve it. For example, I mostly read and write only about things that interest me, and that could help others.
I don’t pursue things that bore me. Otherwise, it would be impossible to pursue them.
I like Charles Bukowski’s advice on this. He says that to be a good writer, you shouldn’t have to try.
And I understand what he means.
By the same token, procrastination so often demonised can be helpful.
When we procrastinate, our bodies and minds tell us to stay away from things that bore us.
We need to listen to ourselves. Don’t bypass what your body and mind are trying to tell you.
Suppose we pursue what we are interested in out of curiosity and enjoyment. In that case, no matter how successful or unsuccessful we are in the pursuit, it won’t matter because we’ll have found enjoyment in it.
For many people, writing is a chore.
But for me, writing and reading are their own rewards.
4.”With relationships, we can spend our life searching for the perfect man or woman and end up largely alone. There is nobody perfect. Instead, it is better to come to terms with the flaws of the other person and accept them or even find some charm in their weaknesses.”
As I’ve already mentioned, choosing the right spouse is extremely important.
But remember, we’re all deeply flawed individuals.
You and I have our faults, as will our spouse or future spouse.
The key is to determine what we’re willing to put up with.
If someone has a goofy nature that some look down upon but you think is quite sweet, great.
It is better to look for the good in every person.
But some things are completely unacceptable.
i.e. emotional and physical abuse.
Sorry to state the obvious.
5. “In the end what you really must covet is a deeper relationship to reality, which will bring you calmness, focus, and practical powers to alter what it is possible to alter.”
It’s essential to deal with the world as it is rather than how you want it to be.
Maybe things haven’t gone your way in the past, and you resent the world for it.
Sometimes, I ponder on how I wish things were different.
But it’s not practical to think like this.
Theodore Roosevelt said, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”
This is the best way to approach life.
6. “The years teach much which the days never know.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson
What skill do you want to master? Maybe it’s writing, maybe it’s powerlifting, maybe it’s playing an instrument, or even becoming a Grandmaster at chess.
You won’t achieve anything in a matter of days, but progress is almost certain in years and decades.
Some other quotes that I made notes of:
“On dealing with people with a hostile attitude- In dealing with the extremes of this type, struggle as best you can to not respond with the antagonism they expect. Maintain your neutrality. This will confound them and temporarily put a stop to the game they are playing.”
When we react, we relinquish power. When we maintain self-control, we are most powerful.
“The best way to handle recurrent depression is to channel your energies into work, especially the arts. You are used to withdrawing and being alone; use such time to tap into your unconscious. Externalise your unusual sensitivity and your dark feelings into the work itself.”
Expression is the opposite of depression.
“You do not need to be so humble and self-effacing in this world. Such humility is not a virtue but is rather a value that people promote to help keep you down. Whatever you are doing now, you are in fact capable of much more, and by thinking that, you will create a very different dynamic.”
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1. Good Quality Sleep Is Everything. Have A Good Sleep Routine So You Don’t Have To Endure Days, Months, And Years Of Tiredness.
I used to go to bed very late and get up early, only to catch up on sleep at the weekend because I was so tired.
When I switched to having a good sleeping pattern and getting 8 hours of sleep per night, I noticed several benefits, such as:
Better workouts ( I was stronger).
I would be less irritable ( Lack of sleep causes an increase in your cortisol levels, which is your stress hormone). Getting enough sleep will prevent your body from spiking your cortisol levels; losing weight and being on a low-calorie diet can also spike cortisol levels.
I’m more productive and can generally work harder for longer and produce better content.
I don’t feel like binging on junk food. When you don’t get enough sleep, and your cortisol levels spike, you can stress eat a load of junk. When you get enough sleep, avoiding junk food binges is easier.
2. You Will Never Grow In Your Comfort Zone. Do Things That Scare You, And Your Life Will Improve. Conquer Your Fears.
I used to be a bit of a pussy, and I still am sometimes when it comes to some things (giant spiders).
Nevertheless, I used to depend so much on my parents for many things, such as:
Food.
Cleaning my clothes.
Doing chores around the house and many more things.
Three years ago, I moved into my house, and everything was my responsibility.
Yes, taking responsibility is scary.
But taking responsibility means you’re in the driving seat.
And it’s better to be in control of your destiny than not.
This is just one example of going out of my comfort zone.
Some other things that I’ve done which have helped me escape my comfort zone are:
I worked at Kentucky Fried Chicken as a young adult. I’ve always been a relatively quiet person—not the quietest in the room, but one of them. So, being in a customer-facing role really helped me improve my confidence in myself. It made me feel confident talking to anyone.
Becoming a volunteer police officer- This role made me massively go out of my comfort zone. In this role, I had to arrest people and go to domestic and other violent incidents. The scary but exciting thing about this role is that you never know how your day will pan out. You might start your shift at 8 am and then get a call where you go on a blue light run, and you never know how bad the situation will be until you arrive. Thankfully, most of the situations police officers deal with are manageable.
Going on a solo trip to Rome – Last week, I went on a trip to Rome for 5 days. It was amazing. I saw the Colosseum, Pantheon, Vatican and more. It’s my favourite city to date. I recommend that everyone goes there at some point in their life. With me being on a solo trip, everything was my responsibility. I needed to learn bits of Italian to speak to locals, I had to learn how to use the local bus service, and it was up to me to maximise the experience, and I did. The benefit of going on a solo holiday is that you can do precisely what you want. You don’t have to follow someone else’s itinerary. It’s up to you completely. Although I did do a bit too much walking on the last day ( 35k steps), I was limping around the airport like an idiot on the way home due to hurting my little toe from all the walking.
3. Spend More Time Choosing Your House. It’s A Massive Decision.
I moved out of my parents’ house three years ago and into my own. I made the mistake of not getting a thorough survey done, which meant I had to pay to get some work done on my roof due to a leak. I also believe I could have found somewhere better. I do like my home, but I feel like if I had been a bit more patient and diligent, I could have found a more suitable home.
4. Be Careful Who You Choose As Your Spouse.
In the past 2 years, I’ve had two relationships lasting a year each. And after my last break-up, I felt terrible. My problem was getting with pretty much the first person I was dating. Now, I’ll likely have to date several people before finding the one because, as a rule of thumb, most people won’t be compatible with you or me. I’m okay being single for now. I don’t want to force anything. But by being in two relationships I should have never been in, I wasted a lot of time and energy, and I lost myself in those relationships. I changed my personality to appease the women I had. Your partner should accept you for who you are or break up with you. You should never have to change yourself for someone else. If someone tries to change you, I’m sorry to say they do not want you. They want someone else.
5. Travel When You Are Fit, Healthy, And Young. It’s Much Better To Do It Before Your Body Inevitably Fails.
How many people do you know who never made it to retirement? I can think of quite a few people off the top of my head.
Many people wait for the perfect moment to travel or insert any other experience.
Travelling is best when you’re healthy and have plenty of youth. It’s better to travel in your youth to middle age than when you’re on a mobility scooter.
6. Don’t Lift Too Much Weight In The Gym. It’s Not Worth Getting Injured.
For a year, I had chronic wrist pain and was probably the most stressed I’d ever been in my life. I tried everything to fix my wrist for a year, but nothing helped. Luckily, I saw a highly experienced surgeon, and he surgically repaired the cartilage in my wrist. I’ve learned that no one cares how big and strong you are, and even if a small percentage do, I’d rather have my health than have hundreds of kilograms of weight on my back. The primary reason to lift weights is to get healthy. In my opinion, when health gets forgotten about, that’s when bad things start to happen. The stats show that 1 million people are on steroids in the United Kingdom. That’s one million people destroying their bodies for “aesthetics” (looks)
7. Pursue A Meaningful, Not Expedient, Career.
As my day job, I work in financial services, but my goal is to become a writer as well. I am happy in my role and enjoy it (it is the best job I’ve ever had and allows me to explore my passions outside work). I love writing even if I don’t get paid because it allows me to connect with and help others with my content. Nothing bad can happen from taking up writing. And if you haven’t tried it, I recommend you try it and see if you enjoy it. I love to read, so writing seems natural to me. Reading and writing provide my life with a tremendous amount of meaning. What is something that you’ve always fancied having a go at? It might be writing, making videos, farming or whatever tickles your fancy; there are infinite options. Choose wisely.
8. I Should’ve Started Reading And Writing Earlier In Life. By Doing So, I Would’ve Become A Better Communicator And Helped More People.
I’ve always read somewhat but only really got deeply into reading and writing in the past 10 years. I’ve written on and off for the past few years, but I aim to be more consistent from now on.
What Things Have You Learned The Hard Way?
I’d like to know.
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I’ve started working out three times a week (doing full-body workouts )and going on daily walks. I get 80–90% of my calories from whole foods. I’m also staying hydrated and prioritising getting good sleep every night ( 8 hours is best).
Intellectual goals- I’m trying to improve my intellect so that I know more and can do more. When we know more and can do more, we’re more useful in general. Nothing bad can occur from improving your mind.
Spiritual goals: I’ve started a meditation practice where I meditate 2 x 20 minutes per day focusing on my breathing. It’s helping me become more calm, patient and I’m getting less caught up in my mind.
Monetary goals: I always try to take on more responsibility in my day job. This builds my skills and helps develop my character. Doing difficult things is great for us; I also save and invest 20% of my income each month, which will hopefully give me financial freedom in the long run.
Even when trying to be the best version of yourself, you’ll experience setbacks. They’re part of life.
Just like you get hot and cold days, realise you get good and bad days, and they’re both sides of the same coin. Realise that this moment will pass, and the further you go through a bad patch, the closer you are to the good times.
Try not to let the bad times affect you too much, and the same for the good times. They’re both part of life.
Another strategy to make you feel better is to, direct your energies toward something you enjoy, i.e. a hobby.
This will help you through those dark times in your life because most people experience enjoyment when they engage in hobbies. When we experience joy, we tend not to think about things that are not going well in our lives.
We all experience bad times, and just knowing this fact doesn’t make it any easier, but just hold in there, and you’ll get through it.
I like this analogy:
“To be like the rock that the waves keep crashing over. It stands unmoved and the raging of the sea falls still around it.” – Marcus Aurelius.
We need to be like this when life gives us its worst.
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